My loss!
Please help because My problem is very complex!
I'm Noman. Age 18 by August 10.
When I was child my father remained outside the town for work, my brother was also outside the town.... For becoming studies (came to meet only twice a year) I was left with my sister and mother who were busy in their study and household work. I needed attention..... (from my father and brother) but no male in family was available. And it created some missing part inside my brain. I had no friends at all. And I remained alone at home surrounded by women (mother and sister). Later on when I was 15 I made a friend.... We became close friends and for the first time I found someone who listened to me, who careed about me and so did I. I fell in love! I developed deep emotions and connected deeply with him. I knew at that time that I had gay emotions but how could I control them! With whom could I share my feelings and my problems as a Muslim! Yes I'm a Muslim so, It was hard for me! But my feelings they were so genuine that I couldn't resist and neglect them. I wanted to tell him that I'm in love...... Later on...... While chatting on what's app one day he also expressed his emotions that he's also in love with me! And that day was wonderful for me.
I felt myself at ease and peace. He was like someone with whom I could share my problems that I couldn't share with my family as a Muslim! And we were totally in love. The internal peace I got every time when I looked at him... In his eyes..... Holding his hand..... That was so emotional!
But later he started making some distance from me and one day he broke relations with me without telling any reason....... And we were separated!
But my emotions they were not dead! I kept waiting for him for more than 2 years. And during those years I tried my best to ask him what happened but he replied nothing. And then 3 days ago he came back! Telling that he missed me and giving me reason that he actually wanted to give me space to reach my future goals that our interaction will cause loss of our future.he said that he cared about my future. But later he released that he feels uncomfortable with me! I was shocked..... And I'm shocked. I've pure feeling of love for him but he's afraid that I'll do something with him against his will. He said that he feels uncomfortable when I look into his eyes or hold his hand. But I don't have any bad intentions for him. Cause he's my comfort zone. The things that I can't share with my own family, I can share with him. I just want him to stay close to me. As I find peace when I look into his eyes. I wanna hold his hand, with my head on his shoulder I want to cry telling all my problems and affairs. I want him to be with me. I don't want to do anything else in case if he refuses.
And I think as he's also a Muslim. And homos are prohibited in Islam so, he's afraid of the result.
But the emotions that I have developed are not so ordinary. I can't just resist them... Because it hurts.... My heart it actually hurts..... ( maybe it was easy for him to overcome the problem but it's not easy for me)
That feeling that he's standing with me..... I never felt like that, even with my family........
Now tell me..... Is this.... Me being gay.... Having such emotions.... Such feelings..... wrong..... Am I wrong......because I don't know and I can't resist this..... I've often asked/ prayed Allah and His Rasool while crying in prayer to help me........ To look into my matter...... To relieve my pain.........
I remember crying/weeping alone at night or anytime in the bathroom without raising any sound Because I can't even tell my family what's happening with me...... All that time Allah was/is watching me cry.... And I was/am seeking for His help. But still.................. My emotions are out of my control..... And I can't do anything because I'm a Pakistani..... A Muslim..... And from a middle class family...............
Now please tell me what can I do? how can I kill my emotions 😢........how can I dump them in basket......... If you have any reach to Islamic scholars please discuss my case Or give me an appropriate solution...... And tell me if I really deserve any punish for this at the end by Allah....... 😢
I don't know what to do.............help me....
@Noman9211
No one should struggle alone 💕💜
Noman...
I'm not a therapist but my heart breaks for you... I want to tell you so many things on advice the only thing I can say is time heals everything and you will be able to love again... And focus on your happiness do what makes you happy... I can't live your life for other people... You have to live your life for you
Im a Muslim and my understanding and interpretation of the faith tells me that homosexuality is not permissible
Some people have deemed it okay these days - I don't judge anyone - we all have a right to reason and live by our choices.
Abstinence from physical relations is difficult. Im a straight woman and staying without intimacy (because im not married) is hard indeed... but i do it because I find greater satisfaction with it. If I engage in fornication, my conscience would *** me so much, my life will become worse due to the peace of mind gone away.
So you have to decide for your soul and mental health - which route gives you more happiness and peace?
I dont think its possible to develop attraction for the opposite gender by force but I have seen people going through a change in their orientation in their life... from homosexuality to straight... and other way... so maybe what youre experiencing isnt permanent? At least dont think everything is over if you do want to be on a path ordained by god....
From your story i feel your physical desire has stemmed from an emotional bond being forged with your male friend. Do you think if life gave you an opportunity of befriending a female in a similar way, you could potentially develop emotional and physical attraction for her? Im just saying this because if you think there is potential for it, why not make an effort in the direction and figure out your true orientation? You dont want to live a lie. I had a few friends who turned lesbians because of seeing male abuse around them.... but later on when the trauma sorted out. .. they chose men for partners.... the homosexuality was an unnatural choice they had made due to difficulty of their circumstances and the mind been unable to handle the pain .....
I have so much compassion for what youre going through. Please know a lot of people go through similar issues. Religion and culture isnt relevant here - its the same story world over .
I pray for you... be patient with yourself. Be compassionate. Give yourself breathing space. Dont be afraid of judgments. Solve your puzzle bit by bit. You can do this!!
Im here if you want to chat further. And Im glad you sought to reach out. Its very courageous of you to share your heart with us. We are honored to have you in this community. 💛✨️
@Noman9211
@Creamyyy
Hi! It's I. I'm going to make a whatsapp group of some people. Where we'll be all able to listen each other and share some ideas. Actually there's something unique in my mind. I want to gather the disunited and broken world. And all I'm gonna need is some people and supporters and for that purpose I'm asking you : will you support me?
Please reply with your name and what's app contact number, so I can make a group!
Of course I'm happy to support you. I stay on this app though. There are a lot of supportive people here. I share on the forums and we can also make pen pal chat if you like?
Creamyyy
@Noman9211
@Creamyyy
Well! It's amazing to hear.
But the group I'm going to make will have, surely many people from 7cups. And we'll discuss ideas about helping the world not only those of 7cups. I think it's going to be a grandma project. Just let me add you to my group and later if you think that it's not good you can leave. But right now please it's a genuine request: stand by me!
What do you think. Well get a broad range of people whom you can help....ehon we can help......
