Need advice please 😔
Hi all,ill keep this as short as I can. For context im a M23 dating a F20. We have been talking for about 38 days when she got the tragic news her grandma wouldn't make the week. 😢
On our first date she had asked me if when this happened if it was okay to take some space,ofc I told yes absolutely. Today I had asked her if checking in every few days or daily which would be most helpful,and understandable she said she didn't know what would be helpful. I know I can't change the pain,or hurt and overwhelm shes feeling and will feel for months to come,as much as I want to just take it away,I know grief must run it's course. My question is how can I support her from a distance? Im afraid I'll mess up by not being supportive enough or give too much space. I have made her a promise way back that I wanted all of her,the good,the bad,the happy times and the sad times. I can't quit on her,but I desperately need advice on how I can support her while giving space. Because a good part of me wants to reach out everyday,or visit her and listen or just sit in silence,but I know I cant do that. Im afraid if I dont do so she'll see it as no support.Im considering bringing and leaving by her house a small bouquet of flowers and her favorite soup towards next month because i know grief will be so much harder after the funeral. I know I keep going in circles but ive never experienced grief much less dated someone who just had a terrible loss. I am still working and living life as normally as one can be,but at night when im in bed everything comes crashing in.
I feel terrible im making this about me when shes the one going through the real grief of losing someone so close to her
@demonvok
If she needs space, the best option is to give her space. You have the right to feel what you feel. You also have the right to be yourself in this situation. But if she really doesn't know, give her time. Don't be clingy. Tell her you're always there and she can reach out to you anytime. That's all. She'll appreciate it. People in situations like this appreciate that kind of thing. If you need a deadline, text her every 3-4 days, but just a few questions. Then you'll be a good, unobtrusive partner. Hang in there and be strong!
@demonvok I don't think you're making this about yourself at all. You're just unsure of what to do and you want to do what's right for her. I think sending her flowers and soup is a wonderful idea. Even a gift basket or a gift card for a restaurant would be a really nice gesture.
Grief is hard and complicated. Letting her know you're there for her is a wonderful thing to do