Tips for grief after losing a beloved pet

From the first time we bring them home, our little furry bundles of joy start stealing our hearts a little more each day. That’s why the loss of a pet can be heartbreaking—in fact, for pet people, it’s just as devastating as losing any other member of the family. So if you’re going through it, we’re here to help. The grieving process can be a rocky road, and it’s different for everyone. Here are some tips on grief as it relates to pet loss:

1. Intense grief can hurt—but trying to suppress it can be even worse for your mental health.  Everything that you feel is 100% normal.  From anger to sadness to guilt and acceptance, your feelings are not good or bad, that just are.  The important thing is to let them out!
2. Grief doesn’t have an expiration date. There’s no such thing as taking too long to “get over it,” and you shouldn’t feel pressured to suppress your feelings after a certain period of time has passed.  Some may get over their pet’s loss in a week. Others may still be grieving for their pets years later.  Pet lovers may have trouble understanding your grief process—but that doesn’t mean your feelings are unreasonable or out of proportion. Remember feeling your feelings is healthy and necessary. So, how long you should wait after losing a pet before you consider adopting another pet?  Again, the timeline is totally up to you. At some point you just have to go with your gut. If it feels like the right time to get a new pet, it probably is.  When you do decide to take in a new furry friend, remember that no two pets are exactly alike, and don’t expect the new pet to be just like your beloved pet that’s passed.
3. Yes, you should allow yourself to feel your heartbreak, but don’t forget about your own well-being. Try to engage your mind for a healthy break from mourning. Here are some ideas: 

• going on walks
• exercising
• working on crafts
• spending time with supportive people
• enjoying the outdoors

 Trying to adhere to your usual daily       routines as much as possible can be helpful for some people, too. Self-care is crucial during this difficult time.  Make sure to eat well and stay hydrated, especially if you’re experiencing lots of tears. Try to stay physically active even if it’s just daily walking. Maybe even treat yourself to a massage.  It can also be helpful to keep a grief journal as a safe place to express your feelings.

  4.  Try talking to other pet parents or pet lovers who understand what it means to   lose your best friend. You can even find a support group.  Support groups are extremely helpful so folks can see that they are not alone. Often, the bereaved in the group meet for coffee after group meetings and schedule social activities that can bring light and hope to many.  On the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement website, you’ll find a list of pet loss support groups, both online and in-person around the country. If there aren’t any in-person support groups near you and online meetings just aren’t your thing, consider joining a social media group where pet parents connect after a pet dies. ***’s Rainbow Bridge Pet Loss and Grief Support group, for example, has over 50,000 members to offer solace and understanding. Another option: calling a pet-loss helpline to talk through your emotions and discover coping mechanisms. Cornell University’s hotline, for example, is staffed with veterinary students but overseen by veterinarians.  And in the very special circumstance of euthanasia due to behavioral reasons such as aggression and dangerous dogs, Lap of Love offers support groups for those who have gone through Behavioral Euthanasia.

5.  Saying goodbye to a pet is difficult for everyone in the family, and if you have children, it’s likely their first experience with death. In the same way that we should allow ourselves to feel our feelings, children should know that it’s okay to feel emotions and grieve a loss. In fact, losing a pet becomes an opportunity for kids to learn healthy coping skills.  It’s imperative that we first and foremost validate children’s grief over a pet—even if it’s a goldfish.”So, don’t be afraid to express your emotions in front of children, and empathize with their feelings, too. Remember to consider a child’s age when talking about death and grief, and keep the lines of communication open. If kids are too young to express themselves with words, help them express their feelings through coloring or other forms of art.

6.  According to Donna Henes, a spiritual counselor, ritualist, and certified funeral celebrant, a sensitive, personalized ceremony can help with feelings of grief by bringing loved ones together, surfacing happy memories of your pet, honoring the unconditional love you shared, and offering a sense of closure. It can be held whenever your family is ready.  If you plan a burial, Henes suggests putting farewell messages or charms into the casket or box, or wrapping the pet in a cherished blanket. You can also find or make a grave marker or plant a tree on the grave.  But burials are just one of many ways to lay your pet to rest. Some pet parents opt to cremate their pet’s remains, keeping them in an urn or scattering them in a meaningful location. You can even order a biodegradable pet urn that will grow into the tree of your choice, ensuring your pet’s life will live on in a beautiful and natural way. Others choose taxidermy, or even mummification. Just like there’s no wrong way to grieve, there’s no wrong way to commemorate your pet’s life. Remember: Almost all pet parents eventually experience the grief of losing a pet—but that’s where our similarities end. From the ways we grieve to how we memorialize our pet, each experience is unique, sacred and totally valid.