i dont know what to do
ever since i was 6 years old and my mom died from an overdose ive been angry and upset and anxious every day, things that used to make me happy like going on walks and looking at the beautiful mountains are gray and dull now, every night when i take a shower i sob my eyes out, school blends the days and everyday is the same, ive regretfully started cutting myself on my thighs when i feel very overwhelmed, and i feel so empty with the stress of school and trying to impress everyone around me by being happy and normal with getting good grades, which has led to me not eating and getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night. i try to find a reason to go on everyday but idk
@toughShip6054
sounds like you have been trying too hard to Play that you are happy or OK. it is OK to not be happy and try to be perfect etc.
It is extremely hard to lose a parent at a young age, being all sorts of emotions like angry / upset / sad etc is OK and hope you can find someone you can open up to and talk instead of SH are pretending things are ok. then you can see things in a better way and appreciate the walks and natures beauty
@toughShip6054 Hi there -- I'm so sorry your grief has been such a rough road, I guess it's probably one of the toughest things about losing a parent as a small child.
I recently learned that there's something called complicated grief, or prolonged grief disorder, and it sounds to me like you might be suffering with that (I'm not a medical professional or anything, though). I learned about it from some YouTube videos made by various therapists when I was searching out resources for coping with grief. I don't know where in the world you're from, but maybe you'd like to try doing an internet search for this to see what help is out there. You also didn't say whether you're getting some help for the SH impulses you've got going on, but I hope that you will.
It's so understandable that your loss has had a huge impact on you, but please do reach out for some support, because you deserve to begin to feel better. Also, please know that starting the healing process at last doesn't mean you're letting go of your Mom's memory, or in any way betraying that relationship. Like I said, you really deserve to start having a less difficult time in life at this point.
