kinda lost rn (vent warning)
i honestly never thought it would get so bad that i’d have to come back to this app after like 4 years but it’s genuinely getting unbearable, i lost my grandad on my dads side in november 2022, he had been in hospital for a while and we saw it coming so i had time to prepare, then i lost my grandad on my mums side which was not at all expected, he was neglected at the hospital and had died from complications after breaking his femur falling from the hospital bed, this was a shock to me and i had a few months to try and recover but then i lost one of my childhood best friends suddenly in february 2023, she was stabbed and i had never felt more pain than that, i had another few months to try and process everything and then my grandma on my mums side died in november 2023 a few days before my birthday, this was sudden and since then i’ve been feeling sort of numb, a few days ago i found out that my grandma on my dads side (the only grandparent i have left) has been diagnosed with breast cancer, i don’t want to be pessimistic but all i’m thinking is “here we go again” i’m worried and i don’t know if i can handle losing anyone else, i was super close with every one of my grandparents but i was the closest with the only one i have left and she has cancer now and i don’t even know what to do with myself, i’ve been picking up extra shifts at work and putting my head down in my studies but i think i’ve made it worse by doing that, i kind of need some advice
@chay1 Hey,
I'm so sorry to hear about all the loss and pain you've been going through. It's completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to handle everything right now. Losing loved ones, especially in such quick succession and under such difficult circumstances, is incredibly hard.
First, I want to acknowledge your strength. Even though you may not feel strong, reaching out for help and expressing what you're going through takes immense courage. It's okay to not have all the answers and to feel lost in this difficult time. It sounds like you've been trying to cope by keeping busy with work and studies, but sometimes that can lead to bottling up emotions rather than processing them. It's important to give yourself permission to grieve and feel your emotions, even if they're painful.
Please talk to someone about how you are feeling. It can be anyone you trust and would be safe to confide in. Maybe a counsellor can help you better than anyone. Sometimes just having someone listen can make a big difference. You are free to message me too, and I would be happy to talk to you.
And please remember to take care of yourself. Make sure you're getting enough rest, eating well, and taking breaks when you need them. Your physical health can highly impact your mental health. It can worsen the situation as you have concluded. Give yourself time to process your emotions. It's okay to take as much time as you need to heal.
Lastly, find ways to honour and remember your grandparents and friend. It can be healing. This could be through writing about them, creating a photo album, or simply spending some time reflecting on your memories with them. Death is not in our hands, but we can surely celebrate their life and the good deeds they did.
Please know you are not alone, and many people care and want to support you. It is understandable to think that the world has turned against you but remember, life can be unpredictable and unfair at times. It's not a reflection of your worth or the love you shared with them. Allow yourself to grieve and feel the pain, but also remember that there is hope and healing ahead. I hope you feel better as you process your emotions. Take care!
you have no idea how much this response means to me, crying just a little haha, i appreciate it sm, my main issue is trying to process the grieving process, it’s just not happening at the moment, some days are hard and some days i’m completely fine, i have been making things to look forwards to such as concerts, vacations, and some little things just to give me something to be able to want to get up for, my parents are trying to get me into counselling but my age and the waiting lists make it impossible rn, im slowly making progress though i think, i’d love to message you some more about it whenever possible, thanks again <3
@chay1 Hey, Chay!
I am so glad I could help you, even if a little 😊. I understand it can be tough to process your emotions when you are grieving. It's okay if progress feels slow or if some days are harder than others. It doesn't need to make sense. Healing isn't linear, and there's no right or wrong way to grieve. Just take each moment as it comes, and be gentle with yourself along the way. 💛
And as someone who has waited for quite a while to get a therapist, waitlists can be annoying, I understand. But as you wait for that, you may find some local resources or organizations that provide mental health help. They can provide valuable tools and coping strategies to go through this difficult time.
You are free to message me whenever you feel like it, my doors are always open. 🤗