my mom

@ekofrendli I'm so sorry for your loss 😥 and at such a young age 🙁 I know how devastating grief is, bless you. Grief comes in all different stages at all different times, it's ok to be sad and feel whatever your feeling💖 I think it's important that you let yourself cry let yourself feel, it's also important to talk about it 💖 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 right here for you sweetie 💖 remember grief is a journey not a destination💖

Hello

I read your post and I may be blessed and still have my mom, but I have lost a child when she was 20 for medical reasons. It is not the same, but the only thing that gave me comfort was the knowing that I would grieve her loss for the rest of my life. I did not have to feel all that pain and sorrow all at once. It was too much. You do not have to feel everything all at once. Feelings come and go and they are not good or bad. Maybe your going through some things a desire some guidance or comfort that a mother provides. I do not know. But your feelings are there for a reason. Would you like to talk about them?

@ekofrendli

I lost my father when I was 10 and I can tell you that at 33 there are still moments when it will take your breath away from time to time. I did myself no favors throughout my life (resisting therapy and professional help) and not dealing with it and the other traumatic things from my childhood really dictated how my early adult life panned out. So do yourself a favor and get some help if you can. Coming here is a good start.

I think as everyone grows up their parents become somewhat of a mystery, whether they are gone yet or not. For millions of years we only exist because a chain of people left behind of child of there own and then at some point move on from this life. This might seem sad but it speaks to the culmination of an infinite amount of events that each of us represents. I imagine also that me and my dad would have disagreed on many things socially and the like but I often wonder what life would have been like.

For years even someone else bringing up their father haphazardly was a stake to the heart (even though I had an amazing Step-father who was around even when my dad first got really sick since my parents were already divorced), and now it's something of a badge of courage or armor like he is protecting me. I hope you find the path to your own healing. My advise is to make friends with the pain because it won't go away until you do. Keep seeking support and keep making your mom proud. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.

@ekofrendli

what your are feeling and experiencing with the loss of your mother is completely normal. Grieving the loss of a loved one is not linear and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. My suspicion as to why you are experiencing some more heightened emotions about your mom’s passing is due to where you are in the stage of your life. You are about to become an adult and there is a lot of experiences that come with that, successes, hardships, weddings, children, times where you “just need your mom”. So feeling the way you are is completely valid. I’m 36 and I lost my mom 2 years ago to cancer. I don’t think anyone truly ever “gets over” the loss of someone they love, especially someone as significant as a parent. Finding helpful coping mechanisms can help you navigate those days when you have strong feelings/emotions about your mom. You could try some grounding techniques, try redirecting your thoughts into positive memories of your mom, journaling, I’ve found that the more I talk about my mom it is therapeutic for me. I cannot tell you that “it will get better” but what I can tell you is finding out ways to honor your mom and honoring yourself will be extremely healing for you. You will have good days and bad days. There will be seasons in your life that are going to be harder without her there. You will have those moments of wishing you still had your mom and go through the grieving cycle again, and that’s ok. Finding people who were close with your mom who could tell you more stories about her, tell you similarities you have of her, things about her can also be extremely healing. It will be hard but healing. 

You have to find out what is right for you and how you feel is best for you to grieve this significant loss and honor her memory in a positive way. 

Just remember: 

• It’s ok to be sad and want to stay in bed all day 
• it’s ok to feel any emotion you feel 
• it’s ok to think you “got over” your moms passing and now your struggling again
• your experiences are normal and valid
• you are seen and heard here

feel free to message me if you needed any additional support. I will be sending you lots of hugs your way.