repeated loss: tips to keep quite mind

@AnnMushu0202

It sounds like you’re still grieving.  There’s really no expiration date on grief.  It’s like trying to accept the unacceptable.  Acceptance is still necessary, but it often means accepting ongoing grief.  Eventually, the grief finds a place in the heart that allows a person go proceed with life, and even feel reasonably happy and fulfilled.  It becomes an integrated part of our being, and it introduces us to higher levels of compassion and empathy.  

I’ve had painful losses too.  When I focus on them, I feel both grief and love.  It’s occurred to me that the pain of loss provides evidence of how much we valued the person who is no longer here.  In a sense, it reinforces the gratitude for the gift of that person’s presence in our life.  When I think of those I so dearly loved, it feels like a “sweet sorrow,” that I’ll always treasure.  

Initially after losing someone, coping may not feel like an option.  Hopefully a person has some time to let the tears flow unhindered.  Grief, depression, anxiety, guilt, are feelings that come in waves, and are typical, especially in the early days after a loss.  They can even come in the form of “anticipatory grief.”

You mentioned wondering if you could’ve done something differently.  The answer is no.  It’s impossible to do things differently as long as the reason for doing them doesn’t present itself.  Another way of saying it is, unless you can see into the future, you can’t act on it.  Also, you had no role in the onset of cancer.

Do you think it would help to talk with someone about your feelings?