This was long ago. But I never properly grieved.

@affectionateHuman3630 @affectionateHuman3630 hello Human, thank you for posting this. Firstly, my condolences on the loss of your mother when you were 9; you were also present when it happened, which is a particularly difficult experience at such a young age. What stands out for me from your post is how your grief at the time was invalidated by others - this is known as 'disenfranchised grief', when the mourning of our loss is not seen as legitimate and our feelings then tend to be displaced, as you've said. This can then manifest later as 'delayed grief', which I talked about recently on another post. Very often, it's triggered by an anniversary or other significant emotional event, such as becoming the age that our parent died at - this seems to be true for you, Human. What I'm wondering is If you've sought help for your grief, or in some way acknowledged your loss, as I can hear from your post residual feelings that were never processed; I feel it would help if they were to be addressed. Please know the community is here to support you, Human and you're not alone here.