A Moderator's Perspective On 'Trolls'
Ive been a group moderator on the teen side for about eight months or so now and theres a word I see flying around a lot: troll. I see it used in many ways.
Example 1: I see it used as a noun.
Youre such a troll, just leave.
Example 2: I see it used as a verb.
Why do you have to troll? Your story changes all the time, if youre going to lie do it right.
I'm not going to lie, I'm no angel. I've been on the other side. When I first joined I looked at people and just wondered why they even bothered to come here if they only came to hurt others. Then I got to thinking and remembered something as I spent more time as a listener:
People have many reasons for the things they do. When I ask people to mute someone whos upsetting them, they refuse. Why? Ill ask. I want to see what they say about me. Then when you see it you respond angrily instead of allowing me to moderate and control the situation, thus making it worse. I understand that you want to be respected. Please respect others in the chat as well by ignoring them when they are going through a rough patch.
People have many reasons for the things they do. People come to this site for support. Yes, it can be quite upsetting seeing someone come into a chat and make others upset. It happens. Thats part of life. Disrespecting them will not cause them to stop, it will only upset them in turn and cause them to act out maliciously. It doesn't solve the problem, it makes it worse. Lead, be an example.
People have many reasons for the things they do. Sometimes people come into the chatrooms with stories that seem hard to believe. Sometimes you wont believe them. Who are you to say theyre untrue?
They said something that contradicts this yesterday.
And? Who cares about yesterday? You dont know whats going on in their mind, you dont know what they go through.
People have many reasons for the things they do. I understand where youre coming from. You feel the need to "call someone out" because what theyre saying contradicts previous statements. Tell me this:
What do you gain from this?
Perhaps they have dissociative disorders. Perhaps they have something that affects them so badly they dont even know the reality around them. Perhaps no one can control what happens to them. Not even themselves.
People have many reasons for the things they do. Someone enters the chat. They are rude. They are disrespectful. Feelings are hurt. Smiles fade. Insults are thrown at them.
Youre a horrible person.
What makes you any different from them?
Perhaps they dont know kindness.
Maybe if you show them how to be nice theyll follow.
People have many reasons for the things they do.
Alright.
You win.
Lets say for a moment that they are lying.
They are making up a problem for attention.
Theyre human. Humans want attention. Humans need attention.
If they are so deprived of attention in their daily life that they feel the need to lie to get it from complete strangers who know nothing about them just to feel like theyre worth it…
Then whats the harm in giving them attention? Letting them know people out there care?
People have many reasons for the things they do.
I empathize with people in the chat you see as the ‘bad guys.
I dont know their names. I dont know their lives. I dont know their stories.
I know theyre just like you.
I know theyre just like me.
They only want support. They only want someone to care.
Who am I to deny that?
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Appreciate your thoughts, your perspective and sharing it with us all. I agree with what you've said. As members we need to remember to rely on you guys as mods to help keep the environment a positive and safe environment for us. And we also need to do our best to help in creating that same safe and positive environment by supporting each other, and also not engaging in and encouraging negative or hurtful discussion with others.
Honestly, that was so powerful that I almost cried.
I'm sure Trolls do hav reasons for what they do. But does that make it acceptable? I'm my opinion- NO. Someone coming on disrupting Chats, hurling insults, hurting people's feelings is in No way acceptable. It directly opposes 7 Cups support philosophy. Members come here to feel better... Not worse
I have zero tolerance for an outright Troll intentionally being offensive. Just ruins a Chat, and infringes on the right of others, to a safe experience
@ChromeLotus
I understand that someone who is misbehaving can be upsetting, but that's why we have the mute buttons; when people attack them back and cause conflict, that's when it gets really messy (at least on the teen side). One thing you might consider is that as a teen I only deal with seven to eight support rooms; adults have... too many @_@ A lot of rooms. And teens, while they can be nasty, they might not be as malicious as adults. I might be totally off, but that's from my perspective as someone who only has access to one side of the site. It's reasonable to be upset with these people, but to ridicule them and to judge is totally contradictory and only causes more hate. I can see where you stand though, and I respect that. But attacking them for their actions instead of handling it appropriately just escalates it beyond what is necessary, which I will thank you for not jumping to that when you see someone doing those things.
@Diandra
I always try to see things from Both sides. I respect your perspective on this
Regarding the Mute feature: I think the reason some (including me) won't use it, is bcuz it's not a complete solution. It's like closing your eyes to stop the Rain. You may not see it, but it's still raining on you. Members know others in the Chat Room, and no one likes to be made a fool of... while some Troll continues to make sarcastic comments about them (everyone else see's it)
This is a different perspective from what I normally will observe within the group chats or what I've heard. It's in a way could be a joint effort into making this place a supportive, welcoming and inclusive place that it really should be. Where you said "People have many reasons for the things they do." I agree on this wholeheartedly, yes it may not be the best of reasons but I'd like to think there's a story (reason) behind everything for what one may do. It's not always easy to move on from a situation or like what you've pointed out "mute" x person but in doing so, sometimes it can prevent you for getting furthur upset and even let moderators be able to deal with the situation that's happening so that you're not engaging in conflict with them and then getting warned for that. I get it everyone won't see eye to eye but I hope some will take the time to read this post and we can discuss about it in a respectful manner since we all just want the best for each other.
@Diandra I feel that your words are extremely heartfelt and well thought-out. I really appreciated seeing a mod's perspective (that is neutral) on how members and listeners should readjust persepctives when dealing with difficult group situations. No one ever said it was going to be easy to support one another. What's hard is walking a few minutes in someone else's uncomfortable shoes.
@Diandra
Thank you for this! I feel like it's easy to write someone off as "mean" or "bad" when they act out in any way. Regardless, everyone deserves respect and support.
(You said this so much more eloquently than I did!)
Nice post!
I see both adult and teen rooms and they are very similar in people's actions. The one thing I do notice is that it is very difficult for members to 'mute' people who are triggering or being offensive. It's human nature to want to defend yourself if feeling attacked. Not knowing what someone is saying is frustrating. I do think that if you find you just can't hit that button, take a moment away to breathe deep, come back with supportive messages and end confrontations by not engaging. I understand this takes a LOT of practice and sometimes someone presses just the right triggers to hurt others. But as mods, we are more productive with the help of awesome group members who help keep support going through rough situations. Thank you to all who do so! I see many of you who have already mastered this strength. 
@Diandra You never cease to amaze me. *hugs* I'm so very proud of you. We can all learn from your perspective on this topic. Thank you so much for sharing it. Again, *hugs*
@Diandra Thank you so much for taking an interesting approach to Trolls. I also think that the term is used very lightly, and sometimes, people use the term when they're not even describing a troll. I do think that one of our initiatives in regards to 'trolling' should be educating the community on what a 'troll' is and what we can do to properly identify one and how to treat one. Once again, thanks
This is so very true. And completely written from your heart. I have seen this around as well. And this was an issue that needed to be addressed. Thank you so much for telling this. Nobody could have told this better than you already have. Thank you. Really.