Cliques in Group Support Rooms.
Issue.
I speak for all the Group Support mods when I say that we're entirely in support of friendship groups in the group chat rooms. We highly encourage friendships between members on 7cups and the group chat rooms are a natural place to talk with friends.
However, it's a little different when it becomes a clique. A clique is defined as: "a small close-knit group of people who do not readily allow others to join them.
It can be very upsetting for new members or guests to be excluded from the discussion because they are not part of the clique.
How can it feel to be left out?
Being left out can be extremely upsetting. imagine when you was a child, and how you felt when your friend didn't let you play with them, it's like that - but worse, as you are in a group of adults. You would expect to be more accepted there.
How does it make us feel?
In turn, it can be very discouraging to listeners when they try to support people and they can't, because the member/guest has been upset by the support room, it can also cause conflict, because as I've seen multiple times - clique's attack new members trying to join. Mods are then forced into the room.
Disrespect of Group Support mods.
Usually, when we come into the support room to end conflict we are attacked. I have seen multiple clique's attack moderators for trying to involve members.
"We don't like them!"
"He's an attention seeker!"
"She shouldn't be here!"
"You just like to abuse your power".
It shouldn't happen, but it does. That brings me onto that note; we do not like to abuse moderator permissions. Any mods who abuse their powers get them removed.
How do you accept them?
There are many ways to accept a new member.
The main way to accept them is to INVOLVE them.
Over all; PLEASE try accepting people into your friendship groups.
Hello!
I apologize to any members that have been offended; but unfortunately clique's do happen.
@cuddlyWords72 Well, I'm grateful for the apology but just like this post, I'm a bit put off as to how it was presented.
No one here was offended because "cliques do happen". Besides, as it was mentioned, we seem to see them more as groups of friends who have found a common feeling/experience/emotion that brings them closer together. I have a mutual respect for everyone in the chat room I frequent, but there are certain names I personally look for because I feel closer to them.
The issue is, is when multiple conversations are going on, people joining the room may be missed. Or, what I've seen happen, is someone joins the room and expects everyone to drop what they're doing and help them with their issue, regardless that there are about 5-10 other issues happening at the same time. In these cases, a 1-on-1 would be more beneficial to them, but if mentioned, they believe a 1-on-1 is being recommended because they weren't a regular and that's why "no one cared". Like it was beautifully mentioned by @squib , some of these newer members are unusually sensitive and what may simply be a case of a missed one-liner is now seen as being ostracized or ignored because they aren't a "regular". So to Listeners who are speaking to these very upset members, it may seem like there were cruel people who kicked this person in need of support to the curb when in actuality it was more of a case of sensitivity/innocently missed message. As I mentioned above, a lot of us are struggling with our own demons or may be helping 2-3 people with their demons at the same time and may not be able to add another one on. It's never out of malice, it's never because they're not in our "clique". It's because we're human and sometimes we can't be members and be expected to play the roles of Listeners/Moderators at the same time. Which is why we need help.
I think what left a sour taste in our mouths was the implication that it's solely up to the members to include everyone. I see more members reaching out and helping others than I have seen Listeners/Moderators reach out in group chat rooms, and perhaps that's because I see far more members in these rooms than I see Listeners/Moderators (at least in the chat room I frequent). It could also be because most of their work is done behind the scenes because yes, they do have far more responsibilities than we could ever imagine. Or, as you brought up, there are far too few Moderators to the sheer amount of members/guests that frequent this site. But again, I thought we had Group Support Moderators specifically for these Group Support Chat Rooms. (Maybe I'm ignorant to the meaning of the badge, and if so, I apologize.) Maybe moderators are being allowed to specialize in too many things. Or maybe this means they are being expected to specialize in too many things and that is a problem in itself because being a moderator is already a thankless and difficult job. No use in burning out the few that are still willing to moderate under this current system that sets them up to fail.
TL;DR: We need to address all users (admin, moderators, listeners, members, guests) as a whole on this subject because it affects all of us as a whole. A post targeting one group should never have been made and will only serve to offend said group. And that's the last thing we need right now.
@ValentineLove
@ValentineLove Sorry about the empty reply - it wouldn't let me type anything. I agree that the one group shouldn't be targeted, and that wasn't the original point of it.
I don't think you've offended anyone, and if you did, who cares, this a forum where people come to exchange ideas. But what people here are worried about is that the rules are going to be changed for the worse by your claim. You haven't even put forth any good arguments that there is such a thing as cliques on 7 Cups, let alone that you have examples or proof.
Figured I'd throw my two cents in here. I feel like there is truth to what everyone previous poster has said. Though, I feel like some of the positive comments under-estimate the issues a bit. Just my limited opinion from the time I have experienced in the chat rooms so far. I certainly have not been in every room for extended period of time in order to see all that goes on.
My overall feeling is that maybe there are not enough mods. There is some real rude stuff going on in these chats sometimes and also heavy stuff. Room self-moderation is difficult. Especially because there's always that one person instigating. It's not their fault, they aren't trained to moderate. I know this from being in the chats almost daily for a couple weeks. I find myself constantly checking the participants list to see if a mod is on because of some drama going on in the chat (ranges from minor drama to major trolling and crisis). I did try to quell it myself once in a respectful manner, but it was not well-received so, won't be doing that again most likely. I respect the rules and am fully aware that the the site rules are set up to place most of the onus on us, the members, to mute folks that bother them or leave/try 1on1 chat, but that also has a bit of unfairness to it. I don't always want to mute someone because that makes the chat confusing if others are talking to them. Also, they may just be having a bad day and I don't always want to write someone off completely unless they are an utterly unacceptable troll. Also, I would try to avoid people who are triggering me at that moment, but the participant list seems buggy.
Regarding the clique thing which this really started about, I do see it, but almost never have interpreted it as deliberate exclusion. What I see is regulars who know each other talking about things that others don't know about and being extra happy when they see each other. I think this is human nature and expected and try not to take it personally. But, I don't like when other folks in the room are completely ignored for seemingly no reason and regulars/older members complaining that the site "isn't what it used to be" implying that the new folks sitting right there aren't good enough. Though I also understand that comment about people not always being able to speak up to someone new's issues since they are going through their own issues and feel more comfortable talking to people they already know. I have already felt this way myself in my short time here! Plus, the times I've seen where someone is kind of ignored are frequently when that person is being insensitive, not following the chat rules and feels attacked for it or not understanding people's attempts to help (e.g. referring them to a 1to1 is interpreted as kicking them out). They don't usually see what they are doing "wrong", so they feel bad.
I think more moderation would really help. But, I also don't like the negativity they receive due to it. I witnessed that today and felt really bad for it. So, its a difficult thing still. I will try to always stick up for a mod being unfairly spoken to.
I don't know what the fix for all this is. Just wanted to offer some feedback as a newer member.
@PhoenixOfSorts There is a lack of mods - on a site with 100's of thousands people coming every week, there's only around 435 mods.
@PhoenixOfSorts Good observations - I hope you feel welcome as a newer member!
Cliques are somewhat inevitable in an online group environment. When the chat room is crowded, for example, it can be difficult to express yourself and feel as though you are being heard. Because of this, people have a tendency to flock toward any conversation, person or group of people that are most likely to invite them in and/or accept them. Once a person has been either directly or subtly accepted by a group, they may feel inclined to demonstrate their allegiance to that group. I think this creates a "them versus us" mentality, or what some may describe as cliquey behavior.
As some have mentioned in this thread, this can often be seen among group mods as well, for many of the same reasons. The moderator system gives authority to individuals who may or may not have authority in their real lives. Even though, they are well meaning, its likely that their attempts to adhear to the rules of their role comes across as adversarial to members/guests. When mods are asked to enter a conflict situation, they often take the stance of enforcer. This sets up a parent - child relationship in the group room. This in turn reinforces the "them versus us" dynamic between mods and members and often does very little to resolve the initial conflict situation that they were asked address.
Very important message here
Well said, words
[Edited] what gives these so called power stricken button zappers to hand out there warnings and mutes for nothing ,do mods think there better than everyone else ,the modding on here is utterly disgraceful overall the way some of them pick on people and give out there pathetic unworthy warnings
@winterssunshine111 I feel ya. but be careful. lots of ppl will label you as negative maybe cuz lots did to other ppl who seem to bring up certain topics. I see clear that someone is following you and making snarky comments. of course mods wont notice much cause they hardly in the rooms. Stick with good ppl winter.
Thank you for bringing this up! 
All too often, I've seen other members go ignored in chat rooms and it is a little unsettling. I know what it's like to be ignored in a chat room, so I try to make sure to make all members feel welcome when they first enter a chat room. Cliques can interfere with the main purpose of a chat room - seeking and providing support to members.
making an excuse, because ive known them longer makes me sick... they say rude things like, i hate entitled people... oh ok...but when you first came here i get $100 you felt the same... i am a newer member and i can not go into any room without being ignored..i say hello, how is everyone and nothing.. zero, zip, nadda... that is what the community is here.. period end of story...
im siting in Anxiety chat RIGHT NOW... and not one single person gives 2 craps if i have anything to say... im being ignored because the cliques have arrived... its bull and insulting to suffering people... how can you get support when nobody cares too? all they want to do is sit there and gossip or talk filthy dirty... what kind of place is this? and here i wanted to become a listener... i doubt that now...
All of this.
