Member and Moderator Relationships

I have tried to go through few questions that have been raised here and I would try giving my perspective about each situation and hopefully it can be of some use and if you have any further doubts/questions do raise them again.

I would like to start with @Helenhopesraising a question about a member/guests who starts to abuse another member for no reason at all.

>> we are not moderating the rooms 24X7, in fact the rooms run without mods most of the time. The members have now become friends and they regularly visit rooms and have a nice conversation. However there will be disagreements and every one has a different methodology to handle disagreements. Some like to bring it up and discuss this with another person directly and some do not wish to bring it up at all to avoid another conflict!. However, in a group setting it is not possible to discuss things openly because if the conflict is between 2 members how can we resolve that while the whole group talks..? The group hinders a discussion as they tend to take sides rather than understand that what the 2 parties are trying to convey to one another.

Most of the time a member who feels hurt resolves to hurting the other member by signing as a guest and abusing without any reason .

However I do not rule out the fact that there are trolls who come here and target people for no reason .

In both cases , as a moderator..you keep both things on table. You ask the 'troll' to PM you and discuss this with you AND remind them about the rules which state that they are suppose to be kind towards one another.

While listening to a 'troll' you need to keep a non judgemental outlook and offer a LISTENING ear instead of repeatedlytrying to make them understand that they broke a rule. Each and every user of the site is well aware about the rules. In fact no public forum encourages users to participate in such conversations.

If you wish to solve a problem ..you need to reach the root and not just treat the symptoms.

Symptoms are members arguing with one another and insulting one another. Reason behind this is ...conflicts between members which have not been resolved simply because there is no platform to resolve them.

As a community , we need to accept this new challenge that has come up i.e. conflict between members in the group chats.

I am sure as a moderator you have received several complaints from members against other members. It is like any other verbal conflict that takes place in our daily lives.

After a conflict or disagreement..what do we look out for? Will proving right and wrong is the solution or getting both the parties to respect one another a better way to resolve it?

To resolve conflicts, or complaints ..you can ask them to mail Heather or Laura however it won't be resolved that simply because the member will return as a guest and would continue to do because a conflict is not just about right/wrong it is also about hurt and being insulted openly on a public platform.

The focus of the group Mod is maintaining the whole group . If anyone is disrupting it you have to warn them and mute them after 3 warnings.

One thing that has not been brought up or perhaps I have missed it ...How do you resolve conflicts between members in a group chat ? Especially when it is about opinions that are neither wrong or right and it is more about how we have perceived a situation. And how to make both members talk to one another instead point out mistakes in other persons opinions?

Secondly, regarding a stigma about guests ie they cannot be trusted and they must be trolls. Or the fact that members should have to go through same procedure that listeners go through before they join the site. However I wish to point out something that have talked about even before...

Members/guests are users which are probably going through a hard time in their own life. Why do you think they chose 7 cups instead of going to facebookor twitter to talk about their problems? The reason is ..because we offer ANONYMOUS chats iea promise that their issues will not be brought up in public and they dont have to reveal their identity in any manner. I have few guests who were being abused by their immediate family and did not wish to talk about this abuse to anyone in public and hence they chose as they can log in at any point and talk about their hurt and pain without having a trace being left behind.

If you have not noticed..many sites have been banned in certain countries however 7cups has been able to escape that ban. So by not asking a member to register with a email that can be traced back to them IS A RELIEF FOR MEMBERS/GUESTS WHO ARE BEING ABUSED BY THEIR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. A change in this rule will definitely NOT be helpful for this category . And this is just one example I have come up with and I am sure you all come up with many other such examples...Hence I completely disagree with the point that a member should have to register with a legit email...because I definitely understand why they won't.

Another point raised was about Moderators not being respected and how the entire conflict shifts to a moderator rather than why a moderator acted in this way.

I would like to remind all moderators about something that Indian President Kalam said when new government came to power. He had said that this Public office has a dignity that you should now uphold however do not forget that you are being watched. Everything that you say or do will be recorded and newspapers will make headlines out of those things. Every comment, every action every step is being watched by a nation of more than 1 billion people and that means definitely more than a million perspectives and not all will be in your favour. So do you step back? Do you stop saying things that you want to say because definitely not all people will agree with you ?

The answer is no. You don't. As a Mentor?moderator/Community manager in fact anyone who has been vested with power will be respected as well as questioned and humiliated at the same time. Either you can choose the safe side..which most of the mods do ..ie they lurk and MUTE without warnings. As a person I feel whether you are right or wrong you should take responsibilities for your actions...if you cannot come out and warn the 'troll' please do not mute them. I am not saying this for spammers .

As a moderator you have learned about rules you should enforce, about how you are suppose to be kind towards every member .... however there is a silent rule, You cannot escape criticism.

More than often , you will be misunderstood and brought down ...even when you are right members may group up and bring you down. There will be reports and in worse case your mod badge will be taken away. Yes, it is a huge risk because as a dedicated moderator you were only trying to do something that you ARE suppose to do.

So while you moderatinf you have to have some trust in the system..the rules, the procedure, the community managers, the Mod leaders and mentors. You have to trust them and respond to every complaint in a calm manner. If you feel you are being targeted you can mod with another listener/moderator who can watch your back and be therefor you.

You can PM a chatroom mentor and ask them to lurk while you Mod the room. There is no need to mod if you feel scared about criticism. Criticism is a part of the job. You have faced this in your class as a kid or even in your immediate family. The only people who are not being criticized are the ones who do not go out there in open and expose themselves and take a risk. Accept it with grace and at the same be responsible for everything that you do and say. Have someone who keeps an eye while you moderate.

Keeping screen shots, or saving messages.. wont always have same effect.

If a person said something that seemed offensive to you ..however the community manager or mod leader feels it was not actually offensive then even after submitting screen shots your complaint will be neglected.

Instead submitting a clear description of what happened and what you felt , is a better way to submit a report. I can say this because I have been reported for my actions ..but that is because I make it a point to stop a conversation that is not allowed or is not ok as per the rules. However try making non personal complaints ie you report a member/listener based on what they actually did. Please do not judge a participant based on "what they have known to do"

I have seen many listeners come up with XX is definitely trying to abuse becausethis is what they do... No. No one does wrong things on a regular basis to annoy everyone. It takes up a lot of energy to come up with a new reason and a method to do so ;)

please avoid generalizations of any kind. If XX has abused and got muted on monday and mod muted them again for another reason on friday ..Please do not say that "This is what a member must have done because this is what they do"

The main aim behind this post is ..please accept criticism with grace. You will be under a scanner, you will be targeted for several reasons..this is going to happen everytime you step into the room. While few people feel scared to see a mod...few will feel reassured that there is someone out there making sure that a member/guest can share without being Judged without being stopped and their questions will be answered..BECAUSE a moderator is there to make sure no one feels ignored in the group. The ones who feel scaredor feel that mods make environment uncomfortable are the ones who are known to make mistakes. So please do not let this reason from stopping you and earning the "Florence Nightingale" Badge :)

Do not anything to stop you from doing what you feel right. Have faith in who you are , believe your self..and often who doubt themselves a little are right too :) You all have the mentors and peer support who are here to support you .

There is no way to escape the fact that you won'tbe reported after you do mute someone or delete a comment. A person who is hurt will definitely do so...and I am not saying that all mods are targeted for wrong reasons. There are definitely few who make mistakes. If you feel you will be reported for something you have done..it is always better to talk to a community manager about it directly and let them decide . At the same time you need to make sure that you are enforcing a rule in the right manner ienot being judgemental..taking the whole picture into view and then politely reminding them about rules etc.

Please let me know if I missed out on something :)

@Juddles, I read a comment by Helen and replied to that. The main hurdle is if moderators are being abused by members , the members can be abused too.

As I mentioned in the post, if you categorize a member based on a previous behaviourand judge their present behaviour based on a category that was assigned to them..it might not be an ideal way to deal with a conflict.