12 Days of Christmas

Day 1

Gender Dysphoria

The definition of Gender Dysphoria is shown as:
"Gender dysphoria is a term that describes a sense of unease that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity. This sense of unease or dissatisfaction may be so intense it can lead to depression and anxiety and have a harmful impact on daily life." - NHS.uk

I have suffered with Gender Dysphoria for a long time and it can be an absolute traumatizing experience, it resembles the basis of living a lie.

Genetically, I was born male, and since a young child (around age 8) I have never felt like I was male. I am far more feminine other than in body than I will ever be male.

I accept I have a male body and I do not want correctional surgery but Gender Dysphoria can be the cause of depression, mental illness, Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID), Anxiety, Social withdrawal and can impact daily life in many ways.

I have had relationships with women and men, but something didn't quite fit when in a relationship with a women, other than it was considered normal by those around me and being with a man wasn't normal, but why? why can being with someone of the same sex be seen as normal? surely, in 2022, this is normalized right? it is, but Gender Dysphoria throws in so much more problems than can be imagined.

Do I see myself as gay?

Why would I? I have a male body, yes, but overall, everything else including my own visions, I'm female. Does that mean if I'm with a woman I'm a lesbian?

I believe the issue very much is self-based with the addition of external input, meaning, I view myself as I do, but the views of others can affect how I want to live my life.

Personally, I don't want another relationship, I am absolutely not interested.

I was married for 10 years to a female, we have children together and yes, I lived a lie, because from the beginning, she knew that I had gender issues, and I didn't have much interest in sex at all, barely any, but guess what?! I got the full family approval and the wedding was accepted - would this have happened if I married a man? maybe my wife thought she could change me in some sense but you cannot change another person, no matter how much you want to unless they want to change themselves first.

My wife already had 4 children, a 14 year old son, a 12 year old son, a 7 year old daughter and a 3 year old son, I adapted very well to the children and I got on very well with them, but the problem was, she was far more interested in sex than I was, I loved her by all means, I cared about her and still do, but within 2 years of marriage and with my first child born, she began making odd remarks about me being gay, which I just laughed off, my second daughter was born in 2017 and by this stage, the arguments were much more apparent, I did far more of the mother role with the kids such as feeding, up through the night, taking them to school, making food whilst she just sat on her phone or doing something else. My third daughter was born in 2019 and by this stage, I had completely shut down, depression was severe and I was working 7 days a week just to avoid her, every time I tried to leave the marriage, she would threaten me with the children, saying things such as she will make sure I don't see them again, she will make sure they hate me etc.

The 3 year old boy she had when we met, I was very close to him, as I write this today, he is 13-years-old, he is actually staying with me tonight (fast asleep!) but me and him are very close, and before I came back to Cups, he was all I had, that made me feel horrible because he's a young kid, but yet he understood me more than anything and anyone, if I was feeling low, he knew and he would come and hug me tight, I love him so much, and strangely, she has never come between that relationship I have with him.

I did eventually leave the marriage, and it was a painful process, the relationship became toxic and she had threatened me with a knife to the throat, that is unacceptable and the day I left was following another argument where I was referred to urgent mental health services due to multiple suicide attempts, she had told me that she "Can't be dealing with me, she has more important things to do" and that was it for me, the crying my children did after that argument gave me the strength to leave, and she did try her best to stop me by threatening me again, but this time was different, and I wasn't going to be punished any longer nor let my children be punished.

I was in mental health care for around a year, and now I have my own place to live and situations are better, I see my children daily, and the 13-year-old is my son, regardless of anything else.

Why am I telling you this?

Because Gender Dysphoria is serious for people, people are forced to live a life of lies to please others, and I am now out of that and I be who I want to be, I really do not care anymore what people think of me.

I think Gender Dysphoria was a huge part in my marriage, obviously I met a woman I liked, was attracted to, and loved, but the underlying Gender Dysphoria changed life drastically.

If you are suffering with Gender Dysphoria, please seek support from medical services, please do not sit and suffer, because we live in a world where a lot of people aren't accepting.

The people who believe Male to Female transsexuals should not be using female toilets.

The people who believe Female to Male transsexuals should not be using male toilets.

Gender Dysphoria is more of an internal thing, it isn't very much external, it only becomes external when you begin to change your body in any way, Gender Dysphoria is the thoughts/feeling/emotions that occur whilst your physical body and your brain are at war with each other, your body is saying you are one gender whilst the brain is saying you are the other gender.

What causes Gender Dysphoria?

Nobody actually knows the answer.

But there is hope, depending on your feelings and aspirations for yourself, there are many treatment paths, whether that is Psycological support, hormonal treatment or voice therapy or a mix of some or all.

My main message to everyone is that you are your own boss, you live your life the way YOU want to live it, and if people are not happy by your choices, then they are not worth having in your life.

Your feelings are valid and acceptable and you should never feel like you are a problem to someone else.

Take care and please stay safe.

Lots of love <3

Day 2

Disassociative Identity Disorder

I need to tag one of my friends in this post as they have recently been asking about this very topic @Kyoshi

The definition of Disassociative Identity Order is shown as:
"If you have dissociative identity disorder you will experience severe changes in your identity. Different aspects (states) of your identity may be in control of your behaviour and thoughts at different times." - MIND

Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a condition in which a person struggles with their identity, this can affect them in many ways, mine personally is in mind and doesn't affect in any other way, others may have it more severe in which they experience identities completely taking over the body (including voice).

This is very hard to explain in words, but I have my own mind which at school, struggled very much, I failed school, drastically and I have a new permanent resident Identity now which I can't reveal because I use it on many platforms, but this is a female identity, slightly younger than me but very smart and intelligent, is keen to learn and is able to learn easily and quickly.

Another identity is that of a small child, possibly the child that stopped living in me since I had to ensure horrific abuse, this child is angry most of the time but also very loving, craves to be cared for and protected.

Could this be a reason for the confusion of my gender? possibly.

The "real" me is just lost somewhere in between and I don't know who that is anymore, I don't want to know, that person stopped living as a young child, so myself and professionals believe DID is caused by different traumatic events in our lives.

You will never know which identity I am because it is all internal, and people just see the shell of a person, and not what is happening within.

So, during or after those traumatic events as a child, that child stopped living but I continued to grow, I had every type of abuse known by family members to kids in school and friends severely bullying me, maybe my now resident identity is the one who took over to protect the child? I feel very much so.

Ready at any given moment to protect that lost child, which may be why I was so passionate about working with children and it was the best time of my life, I have my own children now and I am extremely close to them.

I also believe this is why I was so passionate about becoming an ATL at 7 Cups, I never want to see any child to not have someone to talk to, that was the child I was and I will never let that happen,

So, how does this affect daily life?

As mentioned earlier, I have my resident identity, a child and me, although I'm lose somewhere never to be known but I'm here in shell, when I'm around my kids or at work (I work with children aged between 7 and 18), the child identity comes out, I am very playful and love playing games, I become "childlike" according to others, resembling children playing together, one thing that long lost child dreamed for and never got because they were the loser kid, the geek, the freak that nobody wanted to be near, and all of a sudden, they now have all these new wonderful friends who wants to play.

And that is the best way I can explain DID to you.

I hope you find this post comforting, never struggle alone, always reach out to a responsible adult you trust (to the teenies) or speak to someone you trust.

Take care.

Lots of love ❤️

Day 1

Listeners

I was going to write about ADHD today, but due to a number of issues with error messages, I lost the post and it took me a while to write it out.

So, today, we will be talking about Listeners at 7 Cups because there has been so much talk about them, and I think it is important to speak some truth.

Listeners are volunteers who take time out of their everyday lives to be there for our lovely members to offer them a listening ear.

Listeners have numerous backgrounds, some more than others from multiple countries worldwide, different races, disabilities, health conditions, previous relationship issues and the list goes on, it is important to note that for the teenies, we have listeners aged 15-17, and 18+ for the adults!

Adults can also speak to teenies if they have permission by 7 Cups, there is a process for this and it isn't anything that can happen immediately.

Listeners receive training prior to becoming a listener and use their life experiences mixed with chats with our lovely members PLUS more additional trainings to boost themselves up, and some may get there quicker than others, some may fall behind, some may struggle, I personally struggled a lot due to my ADHD and Autism with a spoonful of learning difficulties but I have taken everything in my stride to improve myself and do my best and I will not give up!

Please be respectful to our listeners and we also expect listeners to respect you, and in some cases, this doesn't happen for whatever reason.

Some listeners are trying very, very hard to improve and your feedback is key to that, so please leave honest feedback during or following your chat as this can help us to do more of the good things and helps us to work on the things that didn't go so well.

If you do find a listener who isn't behaving appropriately with you, it is very important you report them so that we can keep 7 Cups a fun, friendly and safe place for all of you!

**IMPORTANT**

This post is not here to spark a debate and debate is not appropriate here, if you face any issues, you can PM me using the information within my bio, alternately, use the methods above.

Take care everyone and keep safe <3