Who Will You Decide To Be? Ego vs. Values Edition (TW)

Welcome! ✨️ And thank you for your interest in this topic, my lovely Cupsters 🫖☕️🧁 From the desk of La Siren, I humbly present to you:

Do you believe that you can reinvent yourself, alter your view of who you are, and alter how you interact with the outside world?

Or do you believe you'll stay the same person you've always been because of destiny or hopelessness?

Examining the Ego vs. Our Values ☕️

• Ego relates to a person's perception of their own importance or self-worth. Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of "How to Become the Person You Most Want to Be" here, on "Psychology Today", defines the Ego as "a compilation of the ways you prefer to think and feel about yourself, combined with how you prefer others to think and feel about you." (TW: Article discusses small bits of self harm and addiction) A person's deeper principles are habitually violated when they feel obligated to defend their egos. The ego serves as a primary barrier against guilt, especially shame associated with status loss.

• Personal values are ideas or standards that guide a person's actions; including an individual's assessment of what is crucial in their life. Examples of personal values would be a person's morals, standards, ethics, or rules of conduct.

"In the Adult Brain, Value Flows Outward".

Since their prefrontal cortex is still developing, toddlers need to be valued more than they value others since they are unable to control their self-worth and form values that can override impulses and preferences.

Adults experience the exact opposite. Instead of pouring into us, value must flow from us. The quantity of value we produce determines whether or not we have a true feeling of self-worth.

For instance, only when we are loving does it feel wonderful to be loved. Receiving more love than we can give might temporarily raise our ego, but it also quickly leads to feelings of guilt for receiving something we don't deserve or worse, inadequacy because we can't give it back.

Self Assessment Time ⏲️

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. of "Psychology Today" gives us a list of 7 self reflective questions to help us assess if our egos are larger than our values. (TW: Article discusses small bits of self harm and addiction)

1) Do you want to be driven by your ego or motivated by your deepest values?

2) Do you want other people to submit to what you want or willingly cooperate with you?

3) Do you want to be reactive to other people or to act in your long-term best interests, no matter what others do?

4) Do you want to devalue other people or regard them as valuable?

5) In your close relationships, which do you most want, power or value?

6) If you chose the first part of any of the above, is the chain of resentment you drag through life helping you be the person, parent, intimate partner, worker, and citizen you most want to be?

7) What is more important to you, the things you resent or your emotional wellbeing and that of the people you love?

I invite you, in your spare time, to reflect on these questions for your self. If any portion was a challenge, I'd love to also humbly share this wonderful article on new ways of thinking about yourself and looking at the world.

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