Anorexic, or brainwashed?
I'm a 23 year old woman turning 24 next month, 4'11" and I used to weigh 92 lbs, eating 1,300-ish calories daily. I have a small frame. Is that underweight, or healthy? My mom harassed me over being 'too thin' and boyish, said that my muscles were 'eating themselves away' etc. and telling the doctor and other family members that I was anorexic. My dad would refer to me as 'an anorexic' or reply to me with 'that's what anorexics would say' and they'd both make me feel so ugly about my thin physique. I was a size 24 and XS in womens' clothing. Now I'm a size 4 or 26 and a small, because I cracked under pressure and started eating 1,600+ calories daily. My digestive system doesn't like this and now I'm always bloated and my body has changed. Here's where this becomes a problem. I feel that my mom has brainwashed me into thinking I had an eating disorder becasue that's the only thing I would ever hear from her all day, all negative. She would even get into theatrics and start crying either at home or at toctor's offices. Was this brainwashing out of jealousy, to ruin my body and the progress I've made since my awkward/overweight/chubby high school days (where she insists I looked "perfect" when I was actually unhealthy), or genuine concern? The doctor did say he'd like to see me gain 10 pounds, which I did. I had lost my period for 4 months, but he did say it could be stress and anxiety because I have severe anxiety. He sent me for bloodwork to check my hormone levels and my estrogen was high but everything else was normal. This is the 2nd month I've had my period back, but I also have fat accumulating on my stomach, butt and thighs and I'm almost 100 lbs and I feel unhealthy. I've often been ill shortly after eating and my mom says it's because "my body's getting used to eating again" ??? but now I'm wondering if it's because I was putting in too much. I often felt like I was at capacity and stopped being hungry. Now when I'm having healthy snacks between meals (usually 2 tbsps of hummus or 1/4 cup raisins or both) I'm not hungry but eating under the belief that "my body NEEDS it". Is that true? My belly bounces and jiggles when I'm walking or even on car rides and it's so uncomfortable, I feel this is excessive. Is my mom brainwashing me into believing I was sick with disordered eating because she's jealous? I am the only "healthy" person in my family who watches weight and eats clean or cares about appearance. I did happen to see an e-mail from my mom to my aunt whining about how "fat" she feels and how "disgusted" with her body she is. Is she feeding me lies to sabotage my healthy lifestyle and get me to crumble and be like the rest of them? I never know what's real anymore.
doctor's***
Eating disorders can be present in someone at any weight, and people can be anywhere from extremely underweight to morbidly obese without having an eating disorder.
Your mother is not able to give you a proper diagnosis, I would focus working with the doctor rather than what your mother says. Some people do have to work a little harder to ensure they are getting enough calories, sometimes adding a bit of extras to their normal meals (healthy oil, cream instead of milk, nuts to salads, etc) make a difference. I can't say that's what you need to do, but your doctor can be helpful with advice and dieticians can also give some great information based on your needs.
@stydia I agree with AffyAvo in that eating disorders can affect anyone (and also that being under/overweight doesn't necessarily mean an eating disorder), and that the only one who can determine if you fall under an anorexia diagnosis is a doctor.
I also think that maybe an important factor in anorexia (and any eating disorder) isn't always just your weight or how much you're eating (because people can naturally come in all shapes and sizes)--but rather how you feel about your body and your weight. If you find yourself being pre-occupied with how much you're eating and constantly monitoring your weight, if you feel that others are saying you're underweight when you feel the opposite (and in this case, maybe an opinion outside your mom's would be a more valuable judgement for you...), if you find yourself constantly thinking about food, or struggling with how you see yourself...to me, those things are more indicative of a possible eating disorder. But in the end, it's still something that only a doctor could tell you for certain. (and even might just help in general, to make sure you're getting the right amounts of everything, if you're at a healthy weight for your specific body type, any recommendations they may have, and to just get an informed outside perspective that isn't your mom's, etc.)
@TaranWanderer I've seen a nutritionist on and off since I was 14 and she always said she didn't see anything wrong with my diet. My mom didn't like to hear that because that meant she wasn't being validated and took me off the program and I never saw her again. The doctor told my mom that I'm not starving and that a FEW more pounds wouldn't hurt me but he didn't think I was in danger of an eating disorder. My grandma has always supported me no matter how much or little I weighed, told me I looked perfect when I was thin, told me I look beautiful now. I no longer trust my own perception because with different perspectives I don't know what's true.
@stydia hmm well from what you've said, it sounds like there's 2 perspectives here: your mom's, and everyone else's. It seems like everyone else is on the same page that overall you're healthy (and even a doctor saying "a few more pounds couldn't hurt" sounds more like, you're healthy but maybe on the lower end of the body-weight spectrum...). It sounds like the nutritionist might have been a while ago now, and as an adult your diet is probably different (or, at least should be in some way). Do you think asking your doctor now, without your mom present, would be something that interests you? Just to get one more perspective in there, and you could even talk to them about how you're unsure if what you're feeling is psychological from your mom, or if it's more in the realm of an eating disorder. I mean, I guess either one could benefit from seeing a therapist/counselor/something similar, you know? so, that's an option for you if you wanted, to talk to a doctor about things now and possibly see if you could get a referral if you want. I guess the main thing to focus on is that regardless of what "it" is, there's always the ability for you to work through it (at whatever pace you need) and move forward :)
@TaranWanderer I have before and he's said in front of her that he doesn't think I'm at risk for an eating disorder. We had that talk and he won't listen, though privately he's told me as long as I'm making healthy choices he doesn't think there's anything wrong with me. I think he wants to make my mom feel like she's being listened to but she hears what she wants to hear. She won't let me go to therapy or counseling because she thinks I'll "snowball" the listener and lie or make things up. Not true. That's out of the question for me right now, so that's why I vent online. It's all I have access to at the moment. But I noticed when I ate more I would have unpleasant physical side effects like digestive problems... maybe 1,400-1,600 calories is too much for my petite frame? I don't know anymore but it is a messed up situation. I even told her how I feel tonight and she shut down, refused to discuss it, spoke louder than me to "overtalk" or shut me down and changed the subject????????
