Lost weight and losing my husband
FYI, I am using ChatGPT to articulate my thoughts, so even though every word might not be written directly by me, this does convey my thoughts.
Over the last few months, I’ve gone through a major physical transformation. I had bariatric surgery earlier this year and have worked really hard to prioritize my health. I went from 186 lbs in February to about 132 lbs now. I’m 5’7”, and although I feel healthier in many ways, emotionally… it’s complicated.
My husband has been honest and said that I’ve lost a lot of weight in a short time and he needs time to adjust to the changes. I respect that — I get that this isn’t just an external shift, but something that affects both of us. Still, I can’t help but feel like I’m losing him, too. I tell myself he loves me and that he’s staying, but my mind spirals and convinces me that he doesn’t find me attractive anymore or that he resents my transformation.
It’s heartbreaking. I worked so hard to feel strong and confident in my body again, but now I’m filled with insecurity in a different way. I feel like I’m grieving something I don’t even fully understand yet.
If anyone has gone through something similar — with weight loss, identity, or changes in a relationship — I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I just want to feel less alone in this.
Thank you for reading. 💛
I am 40 years old and we have four children together between the ages of 10 months and 16 years old. We have been together for close to two decades.
@ThatBrooklynGirl
Well done, you needed to prioritise your health and feel good about yourself, you should be proud, not guilty. No one should be resentful. It's good your husband can be honest and communicategbut ultimately, you share a bond and a love that runs deeper than superficialiaty. Give him time, he might feel that now you won't find him attractive, I hope that you both navigate this together, and continue your love 💕💜
@ThatBrooklynGirl
I commend you on your weight loss. Good for you. It's no easy feat. 💞
I kinda understand how you feel, is your husband in a normal weight range? maybe he is jealous? I know my wife of 41 years has made comments to me. That I am loosing but everything she tries doesn't work.
I am 60M 5'10", went from 236lbs to 189lbs in 6 months and have maintained my weight. up and down by just a few but keeping steady. and my wife has asked me to stop loosing weight because she now sees me as being anorexic, also, her friends are always asking her if I am OK or am I sick. (cancer)
I did the weight loss for me, to feel better about myself and I am looking to retire healthier than I have been.
@ThatBrooklynGirl
I can totally relate. I was 170 pounds. Lost 45 pounds through Weight Watcher's. I also chopped off all of my hair. My husband hates anything that has to do with change. So, of course, me losing weight and getting a new hairstyle has seriously bothered him. I posted a before and after pic below. But, yeah, I understand where you are coming from.
