Self Compassion Excavation
Studies show focusing on self compassion (acceptance) rather than self esteem (being better than others) may be helpful.
Self compassion is proven to create more drive, faster bounce back after failure and greater overall well-being.
So let's focus on our wins, cultivate a doorway and open ourselves to some healthy self compassion.
Complete this sentence to plant positive seeds of growth: Some wins I've had recently are ______.
Example: Some wins I've had recently are studying self-compassion, doing dishes and laundry, and asking for help.
@Dallady Some wins I've had recently include also putting away some laundry, completing some "adulting" things that needed doing, and just trying to stay positive during the tougher times.
@Dallady Do you mind explaining the difference (maybe enough there for another forum thread?). I never really thought of having good self esteem as being better than others, although if holding others in low esteem I can see that connection. I thought this exercise would have been more connected to self esteem than self compassion.
To the exercise - this past week I tried something new, I arranged some medical care despite a lot of hurdles, I got some items to gift and I made a fun plan that's upcoming.
@AffyAvo
That's an excellent, excellent question, gold medal question.
And I don't want to get into explaining though I will. And I hesitate because I thought that too - that it seems oppositional because one could think "without self esteem I couldn't get things done".
But where it gets *** is in the greater context of life and HOW this getting things done has more to do with privilege and less about compassion.
And this is a very, deadly, deathly, excruciating and exhausting issue.
For example I was reading a post yesterday about how a women who had never felt or desired to have children yet due to her culture was being forced to have them.
She reaching out about receiving book recommendations that could help her raise a child when she didn't want to nor had any biologic need to do so.
Self esteem allowed her to reach out, otherwise she would have internalized the situation and moulded herself to suit whatever was expected of her.
But self compassion isn't here. Not from her culture. The act of giving the love and care she needs, to allow her to be herself obviously isn't there. Her culture allowed her family to act in ways that could give them self esteem (Get married, have kids so they could feel good about themselves.). Yet if the culture allowed self compassion, this could create a possible road or inlet to caring about themselves or another enough to accept them as they are.
So self esteem can get things done (Force someone to have a child against their will.) but it can't provide the deeper needs that a human requires (Accepting the self and therefore someone else as they are, then empowering the self to change and grow for the positive.)
This is if these two thing exist in a vacuum though and not simultaneously in a world that encompasses so many realities all at once. Because when everything is everywhere all at once then what is anything?
@Dallady Thanks! I read this one 2 different days, trying to get the full context. I'm still a little confused but I think I mostly understand what you're saying.
@AffyAvo
Yeah.
After reading about self esteem and self compassion I spun out about it for like a week, so you're doing much better than me when it comes to processing!
Or is it 'better than I'?
English amirite
@AffyAvo the way I see it, self-compassion is a milder version of self-esteem.
It's like, Self compassion allows us to feel okay, even if we fail to accomplish our self set goal.
Without self compassion, we would become too harsh on ourselves and that can affect our self esteem negatively.
What do you think?
@DonaldDraper Yes, I can followthat. Focusing on accomplishments I would connect more to self-esteem. I overcame self esteem, I experienced self compassion.
@Dallady Some wins I've had recently are delving deep into my personality and eliminating undesirable thoughts, being able to say no and staying with my needs rather than wants. Exercising and meditating more.
Some wins I’ve had are being able to clean my room again and get back into reading regularly <3
@inmyfrattboyera hi5. I too cleaned my room today. Boy, it felt good. And since then I have been doing some self reflection and having positive outcomes.
Wishing the best to your efforts too <3