Socialising
I've never fitted in socially. It breaks my heart. In my experience I've been often put on the spot, dealt with aggressively, dominated, jeered at, ignored and other such things. Now there have been times I've been accepted as well, but they seem small in light of how I feel overall about my social life. I used to try really hard in my 20s to make friends but now in my 30s I've stopped. I've given up. All my endeavors have failed. I don't recollect my social interactions with joy. I wish I had friends who truly understood and cared and were committed to ongoing rapport.
Just sharing my feelings here.
@Creamyyy
I struggle with the whole social thing too haha, your not alone. I don't recollect the majority of my social interactions with pleasure either. Sadly though, it's mostly due to my inability to commit to ongoing rapport, rather then lack of rapport from the other end. My friendships start out well, but the second conflict begins and I'm expected to deal with my part they fall apart because I have a tendency to avoid conflict and rather then deal with them, leave environments that I perceive as toxic...and then I go back when I think things are calmer but they aren't and people are mad at me for avoiding the conflict and the cycle repeats and just gets worse and worse until I actually have to leave the friendship because it's actually become too toxic for me.
Do note however, that not every friendship I've had has been like that, it's just that select few friendships which did follow that pattern of conflict avoidance left deep scars on me hahaha