Sleepless

It's quite. Everyone in the house is dead asleep ...everyone except for me.

I lay in bed for what feels like hours eyes closed but unable to drift off.

"Morning is coming " I tell myself .

"I have to be up in a few hours I really need to sleep "

I was so tired all day and I worked so hard . Why can't I sleep. ?

I'll feel awful tomorrow if I don't fall asleep soon .

Over and over this nightly routine of convincing my brain to shut down if only for moment .

I dance on the edge of exhaustion until finally I rest .

I've never slept well unless I work my body until everything hurts .

I have way to much energy but it only want to come out at night.

And when I finally manage to sleep nightmares flood my head .

Memories ??? Flash backs ??? Things that make no sense. A shaking hand . Cold breath on my skin A flame with no warmth It's like horror movies spliced together .

But I put on my poker face, hide the bags under my eyes and drown in coffee so I can maintain and handle all my responsibilities . (Not healthy I know)

If I could sleep one night just a deep restful sleep everything would be OK .