Relating to Others and Ourselves
Reflecting on the dimension ‘Relating’
Relating in the IDG framework includes caring for others and the world, appreciation, connectedness, humility, empathy and compassion and forgiveness.
I find that relating, ties in with relationship, which also touches on the relationship we have with ourselves. Often times, the relationship we have with ourselves, reflects in how we relate to those around us. I find that personally, when I am more patient, compassionate and kind to myself, I find it a lot easier, to be that way with others, it comes more naturally. The more I understand about myself and my own complexities, the more I have room to understand and hold space for other people’s complexities. I am thinking of two quotes here, one quote is ‘People can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves’, and often times I find this to be true. The work we do in our inner world, reflects how much we can relate to or understand another person.
The other quote is by Carl Jung, when he says that ‘Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people’. I find this to also be true, when we can face our own inner turmoil with honesty, the parts we do not like, like when we feel jealous, or envious, or when we feel angry or bitter, when we can explore it with curiosity, and remove shame, and bring in compassion and understanding, we can see the hidden feelings underneath and create room for them to be. Often times jealousy may reflect what we want for ourselves but feel unable to get, or anger and bitterness can show us our limits and where we are over-giving or overextending. It is all information about ourselves and when we can face that, we can have a lot more understanding and grace for other people struggling, we can see the root and not shame them but instead encourage reflection, compassion and understanding oneself. We can have greater empathy.
How does the way you relate to yourself influence how you show up in your relationships with others? What helps you understand other people better?
@HeartyAlly
That was very wise.
I have dealt with most of my inner demons, reached out to 100's of people, studied relating to people...
However I still can't truly relate to people.
I guess I still got a lot to learn.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your reply Asher!
I am sorry that after all this, you still struggle to relate to people. I think there is so much to learn when it comes to relating. I do hope you find yourself feeling more able to truly relate to others with time. <3
@HeartyAlly
I really resonate with what you shared, especially the idea that the relationship we have with ourselves shapes how we relate to others. I have also noticed that when I am more understanding and patient with myself, I become less reactive and more present with other people. When we constantly judge or criticize ourselves, it can become harder to extend grace to others because we are operating from tension instead of compassion.
I think what helps me understand other people better is remembering that everyone carries experiences, fears, insecurities and struggles that are often invisible on the surface. Instead of immediately reacting to someone’s behavior, I try to become curious about what may be underneath it. Listening deeply, asking questions, and trying not to assume I fully understand someone’s story has helped me develop more empathy.
I also really like the Carl Jung quote you mentioned. I think becoming aware of our own “shadow” emotions without shame allows us to approach others with more humility. It reminds us that being human is complex, and that compassion often grows when we stop seeing emotions as something to hide and instead as something to learn from.
@wonderfulDreamer1791 Hi Dreamer, thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I really enjoyed reading your reflection on relating and empathy, and the ways that you resonated with what I shared. I love how you mention remembering how much people carry and becoming curious about what is underneath the behaviour, and not assuming you fully understand. That feels really powerful in truly getting to see another person.
And that feels so true, when we are aware of our own shadow, it does help us have more humility, and it is a really strong reminder of our human complexity. I love how you phrased a lot of things here, especially seeing emotions as something to learn from rather than hide. So well put!
@HeartyAlly what you wrote really resonates with me in a lot of ways! I can say one example of how my understanding and awareness of myself affected my relationship with others is the example of my partner. Before meeting them I had a few bad relationships that left me with some deep emotional wounds. I thought I had healed and processed what I had been through but in reality I had just forced myself to move on. Now that I am with someone who is a complete opposite of my past, I saw clearly how I was still allowing old hurts to cloud my judgement and see bad intentions where there were none or to lash out when something reminded me of past hurtful experiences. But upon reflecting and practicing being present and self-aware, I find the anger and suspicion that was bottled up within me begin to subside and I find it easier to trust and accept love and to return it in kind. :)
@HeartyAlly