Self-Awareness: When Feedback Is Hard to Hear

👫I think self-awareness sounds like a simple thing, but honestly, it can be one of the hardest skills to develop. We all like to think we know ourselves well. We know our strengths, our weaknesses, what we like, what annoys us, and so on. But sometimes other people notice things about us that we don't notice ourselves. Have you ever received feedback about yourself that you strongly disagreed with at first, but later realized was actually true? I think this happens to a lot of us. Maybe someone tells you that you don't listen properly, that you become defensive during disagreements, or that you sometimes come across as rude even though you didn't mean to. Your first reaction might be, "No, that's not me!" or even, "They just don't understand me." It's not always easy to accept feedback, especially when it touches something about our personality that we don't want to admit.

But why is it so difficult for us to accept feedback about ourselves?

I think one reason is that we naturally want to protect the way we see ourselves. If we believe we are a good listener, for example, being told that we interrupt people can feel almost like an attack on our character. Instead of listening to the feedback, we might immediately start explaining ourselves or thinking of reasons why the other person is wrong. However, after thinking about it later, you might remember a few situations and realize, "Hmm... maybe they had a point." That moment can be uncomfortable, but I think it is also where real self-awareness begins. Being self-aware doesn't mean constantly criticizing yourself. It means being honest enough to recognize both your good qualities and the things you need to work on. For me, an important part of self-awareness is learning to pause before immediately defending yourself. Not every piece of feedback will be correct, of course, but maybe we can ask ourselves whether there is at least something useful in it.

Discussion question: Have you ever received feedback that you rejected at first but later realized was true? What made it difficult to accept?