Connectedness - Staying in touch with friends

We all know that as we grow older, it can be hard to make new friends, or even hold onto old ones. It’s a natural part of life, as people move, get new jobs, start families, and shift their priorities. It used to be easy to spend time with your friends by default, either because you were in school together, participated in the same activities, lived nearby, or just had more free time. Suddenly, you find yourself having to plan months in advance, just to catch up on the last 6 months of your lives. Suddenly, keeping friendships alive takes work.

I have had several people in my life confide in me that they are afraid of reaching out to friends, whether it’s just to chat, or catch up, or hang out. At first, I was surprised - why would you be afraid of this? Aren’t you friends for this reason? They explain that they’re afraid of being a burden. They figure that their friends are too busy, and don’t want to bother them. So instead of reaching out and facing the rejection they fear, they just don’t reach out at all.

I’d like to know - have you ever been afraid of being a burden on a friend? Has this stopped you from reaching out?

Now, I can’t speak for every single person, but I’m here to tell you - YOUR FRIENDS WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!! I have never, ever, in my life, felt burdened by a friend who wanted to spend time with me. Put yourself in their shoes - how would you feel if an old friend reached out? Or perhaps, wanted some advice? Frankly, I take it as a compliment, as it means they like my company and value my opinion! Don’t you want to pay your friends a compliment? 

Another thing to consider - maybe your friend actually really needs to hear from someone. If you haven’t been in touch in awhile, you might not know what’s going on in their life. And we all know social media is not a real representation of anyone’s life. By not reaching out, you could be robbing them of a lifeline they could really use. Maybe they have the same fear as you! And how ironic would it be if both your fears were keeping you two from connecting with each other? Something that you both wanted?

It’s important to face this fear, or we risk isolating ourselves from our community, which we’ve learned is a very important part of being human. We need to stop self-sabotaging ourselves. We need to feel connection with others, to belong to a community, something that is bigger than ourselves. Reach out. Check in. I assure you, your friends will thank you for it.

Can you think of a time where you reached out to a friend, despite feeling anxious about it? How did it go? How did you feel after?