A Space For The Unsaid (Personal Diary)
Uh hello if anyone is reading this! 😀
I have no idea why I'm even creating this thread but i just feel it will be nice to have a place to share some thoughts or even these images on the internet that i always keep saving for myself because i relate too much but cannot share it with anyone because yes haha
I'm okay with replies here so feel free to drop by anytime ❤️
Just please be kind and respectful if your replying to my posts.
yeah right 🤡
Or that ... yeah... of course
tuff one 💀
always 😤
nope....seems unreal
cannot sleep so im here to rant 💀
im so tired of feeling like such a hypocrite sometimes.... it is so wrong wanting to feel nice ... have someone who makes you feel special ... feel loved and cared for ?? and then to push literally everyone away who tries even a little ....wtf is so wrong smh ... 😔 in my very twisted sense i feel like im protecting them from me???? or protecting me from them???? Or both or idk but why the confusion....people like people, be together, be nice to each other...but i cannot do any of it... why am I so scared ... and they dont even understand .... sometimes justify why i should just keep distance and be guarded ...like always... no getting people close ... no getting hurt... does it work like that???... 😔 affection is what me sometimes craves so much...but also what me doesn't want to feel sometimes..... it feels so lonely but then i don't even try to not feel lonely......like i like being alone I think..... poeple are noisy... people are too much ... too much to deal with...yet it feels so lonely ...it hurts being so alone .. does it make sense??? ...no ..
@Optimisticempath
Perhaps we do not want to show our vulnerability, because we do not know if we can trust people of holding our vulnerable heart 💕. Milky bear 🥛🧸, me hope you will try to be kind to yourself especially when struggling. 🥺💕 Me is here, though my response is slow because me often occupied with doing some stuffs *hugs milky bear 🥛🧸* if okie 🤗💕
@VictoriaLove7 yes v true and relatable rainbow bear 🥺 thank you for being here and its ok to respond in your time 💕 just your presence and kindness means a lot too 🤗 hugs back
how've you been?🌈🧸
@Optimisticempath
Milky 🥛🧸 🤗 💕 me okie in general, survive
How's you, Milky? 🥛🧸🤗
@Optimisticempath*offers safe hugs* hey you ❤️ You've been in my thoughts. I've missed seeing you around
I really hope it doesn't make you uncomfortable that I reply. I know sometimes we like to write for just ourselves. *I'm totally overthinking it idk* 😅
I think it's a combination of the two. We feel so flawed sometimes that we're positive we're just going to say or do something and someone is going to get hurt. Yet We want so much to be a part of some kind of friendship/ relationship but maybe the people who've been the closest to us have caused us a lot of hurts. Maybe you feel being alone equals safety. Being alone means there's less worry about having to watch everything you say and do. It's tiring feeling like you have to be on guard on the time
Anyway lol - 😅
*sending you good vibes and much love OptiBear* ❤️❤️
@mytwistedsoul
Soulllll I could never not-like your replies omg 🥺 you are always always welcome to reply.. say anything you want .. always 💕 and me appreciates it too...you have the most caring and comforting things to say...idk how you do it always tho being so selfless and sweet 🥺
ahhh yes "Maybe you feel being alone equals safety." that's exactly how me feels 😅🥺 ...that's how me has felt always... or for as long as this stoopid memory serves lmao....
it's really tiring and exhausting but such a conundrum and idk what is it that i really want 😭... me no wanna hurt people too .... me knows this much.. no hurt people....😔
ive missed you too 🥺 your the most amazing friend anyone can ever have and i consider myself blessed to have you as a friend ❤ how's you doing Soul? *hugs tight and doesn't let go 🤗
lots of love and bestest vibes to you ❤❤❤
@Optimisticempath
The meme hehe 🐱 ^_^
@VictoriaLove7 kitty meme 😁
@Optimisticempath
yes yes, Milky 🥛🧸 it is kitty ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ memes 🤗💕
do you sometimes just randomly remember that you are alive????? idk how weird this is like sometimes i just want to hide and not be known to anyone ... the urge to just disappear.. (no im not in crisis 😔... not one that id acknowledge anyway so..) but just to go away from everything and everyone... and mostly myself I think... I'm not very fond of me lmao ....veryyy trash likee and very very very big of a waste space.....😔😔😔
i feel terrible for having these bad thoughts.... and then I feel terrible for "feElInGg" ... urghh just 😭😭
@Optimisticempath
Is it because milky 🥛🧸 feels overwhelmed, maybe? 🥛🧸🥺
Rainbow bear 🌈🧸 is fond of milky 🥛🧸💕🥺 *me sits with milky*
@VictoriaLove7 🥺 you don't wanna waste your time on me 🌈🧸 .....me ok ..
@Optimisticempath
It is not a waste of time, Milky 🥛🧸🥺💕 *huggss milky 🥛🧸🤗 if okie*🥺💕
can't even make.it to talk to people. About anything Smh .. been.forver and its the same. Stuff ....same...no change...no improvement...oh wait...yes change...got worse hahahhaahahahahaa😬 but also what to say ... im just not upto any good ...and this sucky sucky effed up reality is the inevitable truth ... who's to blame? me of course...I dont do a thing to change .... idk what self care even looks like...for me tho it's very close to not ...um being in a very active crisis situation i guess.. yeah... that's self care .... or just survival idkkk... pathetic either way and absolute no use .. just so tired... i don't wanna do anything 😭 or just lazy.... yeah lazy... very lazy and again a waste of space 🥴 ... so unbothered yet so disturbed at the same time?!?!? How is that even possible... *** brain 😭please 😭 just 😭 shut 😭 upppp😭
@Optimisticempath @Optimisticempath *sits with OptiBear* I wish there was something to say or do to help stop your brain from being so mean
@mytwistedsoul soul 🥺 .. me lack words .. sorry 😔 me feels smoller....👶 .. adult me brain can not be trusted rn with our safe .. we under blanky wrap .. hide and cry .. v late and dark night .... huggie tight 💕
@Optimisticempath
*hugs if okie 🥺 keeps hugging till you feel better*🥺
@Optimisticempath Just "swinging" by to say You've been in my thoughts ❤️
@mytwistedsoul lolsiees swinging by me see what you did there soul 😁 thankchu for swinging by 🥺 and for being here to take care of us the other day....im v sorry if me said something not should've said or made you worry 😔 magic moo is so lovely and beautiful and colorful and magical 🥰 *huggies magic moo* ..you are vv amazing Soul ❤ my bestest friend and someone who I so deeply and appreciate and am grateful for 😭 me luvs you lots ❤❤ *huggles you v tightt*
how've you been Soul? 🥺 *tight hugs ❤ be a little extra gentle with you too ok?
@Optimisticempath There's nothing for you to be sorry for. ❤️ You were sweet as always. I have to admit I did worry alittle but only because you're my friend and I care about you ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
im sorry for worrying you Soul 🥺 ngl tho it feels nice to be cared for sometimes .. even as reminders of what that means 😅 thankiees for caring for me and being such an amazing friend 💕 you mean vv lots to me too and me cares about chu too vv much also 🥺 caring for you comes so naturally...like idk if its ok to say this... but many many times me thinks how you are always there to comfort so many people here and Soul you come at right time always ... you are just there for literally everyone 🥺 it sometimes makes me think if we are able to even do 1% for you what you do for all of us.. your vv nurturing and caring and have such a beautiful heart ... if me could ever do anything to support you, be with you or remind you in some way of how awesome you are .. id always do my best for you... because you deserve it 💕💕 soo much 🥺
i feel the most ... idk what's the word but a word for feeling not as numb as always or more human like or can feel some emotion after feeling really emotionless .. that.. you make me feel more of this always and me cannot thank you enough for it ❤ *keeps hugging and doesn't let go❤❤
now this is a message for chu brain--- please please please be nice to my bestest Soul friend, they are really amazing and a really great human being who deserves lots of luv and kindness and peace of mind.. please be gentle with them and keep reminding them to be gentle with them also 🥺
@Optimisticempath Hey you ❤️ No thank you needed or necessary. Thank you too. 😊 For caring about me and for being my friend. I think I know what you mean with what it means to have someone care about you - it's harder to self destruct when there's people that care. I could be wrong though ❤️
@Optimisticempath
The sweet milky bear has been in my thoughts <3 mhm, that’s you friend. 🥺💜 Feels like we haven’t talked in a long while 💜 *big big comforting huggies for Opti friend if okie* 💜 how have you been? :') 💜
sending more big hugs if ok and some warm milk with cookies and cake 🥛🍪🍰💕
@LoveMyMoonflowers
flower buddy 🥺 omg this is too cute and gosh you so sweet 💕 this is the most ive smiled in eh umm idk id rather not count lmao but yeah been some time 😅
idk how i am....trying to ignore that 🥴 but alive so good ... or maybe not.. idk sorry 😶 im ok
yes flower buddy huggies vv okie 🥺 *hugs back tightly 🤗
how's you? ikr it been forever... ive missed you too 💕 always thinking good things for you and hope you being gentle with you 💕 sends luvv 💕💕
*noms cookie and cake ... and shares milk and cookie wichu👀😄🤗💕🥰
@Optimisticempath
awwe 💕 i’m glad i could make you smile friend. 💜 and it’s okie :') i understand tbh, life is hard and it can be hard to find reasons to smile :') 💜 *huggies*
oof felt :') mmm i get the ignoring it thing tbh :') aliveness is definitely good 💜 even though… it’s exhausting and messy. :') me glad your alive friend because honestly the world would be darker and lonelier without opti friend :') it’s brighter and lovelier with your sweet presence 💜 (and i get it if your rolling your eyes and saying nuuuu at that lol, oftentimes it’s vvv hard to see the good and the beautiful in ourselves, it can be easier to see it in others i think <3)
opti friend doesn’t have to be sorry for anything at all :o nuuu buddy, your all good 💜 opti buddy doesn’t have to say they ok if they’re not either… 🥺 this is your safes diary space after all 💜
eh i’m okay right now lol, idk about later tonight (it’s almost 1 am here lol) so… :') im getting through each day and trying to figure things out slowly 💜 but yeah life is being lifey too 😭 smh life 😭 lol.
awwe your so lovely opti 💜 thank you for thinking of me 🥺💜 you’ve been in my thoughts too friend. sending lots of love back 💜 ik it’s hard but i hope your trying to be gentle with you too ok? trying to be safe and be gentle with you 💜 the same way your so gentle with your buddies here 🥺💕 ik it’s hard friend bc oftentimes it’s easier to be kind to others but when it comes to ourselves eeeee :') it kinda eh lol it’s hard but we can try 💜 slowly, one step at a time 💜
*shares with you* thank you friend 💜
Hellloooooooo! I miss youuuuu🥹❤️
Hope you're doing okay💕🫂
@Yougotmyback aww me missie you too 🥺 it's always so good seeing you 💕
mhm okay should suffice .. but don't look at my growing nose now 🤥
xD I'm sorry xD i make these silly jokes so it doesn't get very... well.. sad XD it's sad but we can sprinkle a lame joke on it and pretend its less sad then...right?🥰
tbh ive not had those meanie thoughts today.. cannot remember them through the day :0 so it's been better than other days ... a miracle xD ....it's night now so the thoughts are trying to make a come back...luv it when they remind me they are around and i shouldnt worry about missing them xD .. i guess that's why the somewhat teeny bit sane part of my brain made me think of logging in cups tonight...😅
ok that's a lot.. sorry for the unnecessary stuffs 😔
im really happy seeing you 💕💕how's you? me remember you no feeling well earlier.. is you feeling better?🥺 hugs you tightly 🤗
Sssh nothing you say is unnecessary to me. 🥺 I love your jokes hehe and I love it when you share something about your life with me. And that's what friends are for, isn't it? 💕💕
Glad you had a better day. Let's count that one!
I understand how nights get tough sometimes:/ relatable much. But then there's another morning, no? Sunshine peeking in. 🌞✨
I'm happy seeing you tooooo!!
Been sick this whole month (both mentally and physically) so still struggling a bit :/
But hey hey, when we are here then we can come out of everything stronger! 💕💕🌻
A big panda huggggg🫂 💕💕
@Yougotmyback
yes friends for that 🥺 you so sweet Amyboo 💕💕 Lumie is an amazing nickname and me v happy you feel it is a name you can use for me 🥺
im sorry to hear about your health struggles :( how's you doing? me here for you too 💕💕 *panda hugs back 🐼🤗
me luvs you 💕 you be nice to you ok? and get better soon 🥺 *keeps hugging 💕💕
