Astra’s Little Universe
So hi.. my last forum got a little bit much and I didn’t feel general little support or vents should be in there, and I’d rather just focus on you all there. So instead I made this little space💜 you all are free to vent here as well, just a little bit more idk.. you all will get it haha
@Mack @FinleyTews @AmyMir6 @ALeXaNdEr0712 @Axtyn
@AmyMir6
how are you? How have things been going?
im so over it all. I can barley walk anymore. Going across campus for school is like a workout. For gods sake i do “virtual gym”. Its so tiring. Im so fatigued i can barley make it through a school day. I havent done a full week of school in months without spending half the day in the nurse if not going home early. I cant just be a teenager. I just what to be free from this all. But that wont happen and im just meant to accept that and move on? Im meant to sit here and watch all my friends go out, and have fun, and i just sit here, waiting to have enough enegry, and news flash i never will.
Ive quit all my after school activities. I sleep for upwards of 12 hours. My grades are dropping im not doing work, the brain fog is so much. Snd everyone tells me its okay because im trying so so hard, and im sick so it will be harder. But im going to be sick forever. For gods sake its meant to get worse. All this pain is meant to get worse. My heart rate will only get higher, ill continue to have less mobility.
I mean i want a life, i was so smart, straight A’s, theater, going out. And now its all torn away. It went from manageable to awful. I wanted to go to med school, i wanted to do autopsies, i was going to be something and someone. And now i dont even know if i can really work. Im greaf at art and had a career in it but i can't do those hours and i cant continue to damage my wrist over and over. I have to give up or scale back everything i love or exelded at. I feel like a bundle of potential in a broken vessel.
So im just here waiting, watching my life pass by, grieving all that happned. And the worse part is i never had controll, i cant fix a gentic disorder man. At least if this as an accident i could balme someone, be mad at something, but i cant. Theres no one to balme, no place to put all the pain. Im just tired, so damn tired. But i have to smile and move on and keep going because theres no option to not.
@rackson
hey man been thinking about you. How’s it going?
@Astraeuss Been going pretty good, I feel like I'm healing my soul but moreso, I feel like I'm learning to live with my wounds. Being honest, learning to live with your wounds is a lot less exhausting than hating yourself.
@Astraeuss Sorry, I wrote that whole thing and I never asked how you were doing? I just realized that lol.
@Rackson
hey man glad to hear your doing better. i love checking up on some of yall and seeing how your in a better place. I’m glad you’ve found a spot where you can be happy with yourself and start to care for yourself again.
If it makes you feel any better i never tho hurt you were a bad person. You always cared more then i think i really deserved lol. I liked our conversations too.
cups is kind a tempary “solution” to a larger issue.
im doing better, i finally got diagnosed with a lot of my issues and am getting care for em to an extent. I started physical therapy to manage and my pain and it feels nice. (thought i might have fractured my foot and have to stop for a while :’) we’ll see friday).
It took me a while to realize i could lean on my friends more, and all the people that cared. they have been so incredibly great to me. one of my friends hates having me left out so much that she has ley me lean on her always if i don’t think i can physically walk somewhere alone. she’s the best. they are all.
I got my learners permit which is weird driving is odd. i’m looking at collages which is crazy: it’s diffrent but it’s not bad, truly it isn’t.
i don’t really know how to end this off but uhhh thank you for all you’ve been there for rackson, it meant to world and still does to me
@Astraeuss
help how did i not realize all the spelling mistakes istg i read through it. dyslexia is after my “butt”