BlackRose's Ramblings

A discussion on maturity

Yes yes, an odd topic, but one that I believe comes up quite a bit. So first of all, what is a “mature” person? What makes a person mature? Their age? Their attitude? It’s a very “out there” question with no real, true answer, only opinions, but I’d like to state my opiinion.

So, in a long story short, I believe a mature person is a person who has realized that the people around him are the same as him. When s/he doesn’t look neither up or down on people(at least in general). A mature person is an idiot, that is aware that they are an idiot, and is also aware that the people around him are also, idiots.

What does that mean? Well, when we are kids, and we have caretakers, be it our parents, or anyone else. Our caretakers, to us little kids, look like gods,heros, these amazing people that have everything under control, and know the answer to all of life’s problems.

Well I believe that, that feeling, that view point, is nothing but a fake illusion, created by good faith, to create an aura of comfort. I truly believe that every single one of us is, to a certain degree, an idiot. An idiot fumbling around life, trying to do the best the can, but ultimately, having very little control.

I believe a person reaches “maturity” when that illusion of grandiose, of these “heros” that can do anything and solve any problem, shatters. Now when this illusion shatters is different for a lot of people. A person from a rich background may hold onto this illusion for the rest of his life, being sheltered from reality by their wealth, on the other hand, a person with a troubling childhood may discover, from an extremely early age, that our caretakers are not heros, but people, who make mistakes.

I think maturity can be split up into three topics, and I want to tackle these topics individually.

Responsibility – Acceptability – Decision making

Let’s start from Responsibility. It is generally believed that a mature person is generally “responsible”, keeps true to his word, and does not let his to-do list pile up.
This isn’t maturity at all in my opinion. This is time and task management.
As a person who’s life is written on a calendar, I value time management a L.OT. I believe it is the most essential skill one can have in our modern fast paced world that barely lets us breath. However, a person with poor time management skills can still be a mature person in my opinion.
Time management is a topic I would love to discuss deeply, but for the sake of not rambling on until the end of time, let us shelve it for now. It deserves it’s own, separate post.

Moving on from responsibility is Acceptability. It is believed that a mature person is “acceptable”, allows others to disagree with him and focus on a good and healthy discussion and compromise. I think this is true, but not exactly how I’d word it. As I’ve stated, I believe a mature person is an idiot, who is fully aware that the people around him are also idiots. As such, a self-aware idiot would question his own beliefs, and take as much information as ideas from others as he can, even if they do come from other idiots. If you’re looking at the people around you at the same level as you, then yes, you would be accepting, for every bit of knowledge anyone and everyone can provide is valuable.

And Finally, Decision making. A mature person knows how to make decisions, and makes them right, that is what is believed. I could not disagree with this more. I want to make this clear, There is no such thing as Decision making skills, it doesn’t make any sense. Why? Because there is no such thing as a person who is good at making decisions in general. You can have a person who is Confident in the decisions he has made, and that can give said person a healthy layer of mental comfort, but it doesn’t mean anything about one’s actual accuracy on decision making. Honestly, this point is what started this entire discussion on maturity, and I really really really want to dive deep into it, so I am going to.

A really good example is religion. Most people do not pick their religion, it is picked for them by their parents, which is picked for them by THEIR parents, and so on and so on. Now I am not here to bash religion, not at all, but I want to say this, most people have never really sat down, and made a decision on what their religion is going to be. Yes, there are people who convert, a very large amount of convert, but most people don’t. This major, life changing decision is left up to basically Random Chance

Now I want to ask. How many of these major life changing decisions, have been left to absolutely random chance? Which collage you go to? Whichever accepted you. Which house you buy? Whatever you were able to afford. Which person to marry? The first person whom you feltt comfortable TO marry. Most of your choices in your life, are ultimately chosen by random chance.

Now ok ok, yes there are moments in your life where you have to choose, but even these I blieve have a large degree of dice rolling in them. An example is, say someone’s career. Let’s simplify it, you have a person who wants to become either a doctor or a police officer. Two vastly different careers, requiring vastly different educational paths.
Let’s say this person ultimately picks a doctor, because as a kid he’s always wanted to be a doctor, because there was this cartoon about a doctor that they really really liked, and it heavily influenced their lives. Random. Chance.

If you look at a decision deeply enough, look back enough, and get enough details, there pretty much always will be a degree of random chance. So my point is this, no, you cannot be good at making decisions, you can be confident at making decisions, but that is a truly different thing entirely. And is more about self-confidence then about effectice decision making skills.

Does this make all decisions meaningless? No. Quite the opposite, with so much dice rolling in our lives, I would say, from the little you can control, you should try to control it as much as you can, but on the stuff that you cant, let go, and let the dice land where they may.

A big chunk of your decisions life is random chance. There is no right or wrong, there is no “effective” way to make a decision, the reality is, it is all chaos. Idiots fumbling about, trying to do what they can. And that is absolutely and totally ok.

I hope this was, at least, interesting to read, and somewhat helpful. Have a lovely day!

So, today something interesting has happened which id like to discuss. Thanks to a chat request, ive met a member who basically was my polar opposite. He liked everything I disliked, and disliked everything I liked to an uncanny degree. Now the chat itself went well and it is not my point. My point this, this encounter was a chilling reminder on how different and unique people are, and how we tend to get "buried" in our values.

Now I do not want to insult anyone, so ill use myself as an example. I believe everyone has certain "ideas" that are hammered into their heads very firmly, that they live by them, and they are hammered in so firmly that you wont even notice.

Now here is where the discussion gets interesting. Is this a good thing? If I ask myself, are ideas X and Y, which I as Rose, firmly believe they are immensly good and positive, good to be hammered into my head so tightly that I follow them to the subconsious level? Well to me, yes, because to me, they are good ideas. It is a self-fulfilling thing. I believe in them so intensly and strongly that they must be good.

Now what am I talking here? Let me give a simple example. Lets us take the general idea of wearing cloths I, as Rose, have the idea that I should be wearing clothes pretty much at all times, bar a few obvious exceptions. Never in my life have I stopped to think "Hmm...should I wear clothes today? Maybe I should go naked today". That has never happened, Why? Because the idea that I shouldnt be naked is hammered into my so fiercly that I simply follow it without even considering the alternative.

Now wearing clothes is a pretty dumb and obvious example, but I want you to stop and think for a bit Do you have an idea like this, a rule, that you follow with absolute and unshakable certinaty without thinking, that other people may not?

If you take a moment to think about it, its really really hard to find these ideas in our own minds. Because they are things that we, normally, do not even think about. I have been thinking about this for a few days, and I could not pinpoint any unshakable ideas, until one finally ouccard to me.

I, firmly and utterly, without thinking, believe that fun ids never obligatory. What do I mean? If I am at a place where I am suppose to be enjoying myself, and am not, I will simply excuse myself and leave. This may sound like a very minor thing, but ive done this even during a family wedding, and I do not have an ounce of regret. I absolutely dread people who try to "drag" me to stuff, to the degree that ive stopped speaking to some purely because of their insistance. I also feel that if I would like to do something, and no one would like to join me, I will happily go alone. I will not guilt or force a dear friend to do something they do not enjoy. Fun is optional and never obligatory. My stance is firm and unshakable on that. This is not something I usually think about(Well, except now of course) but something I just...do.

Now i am right now trying to find an argument against "Fun is optional" and I simply...cannot. This idea is so firmly planted in my head, that I cannot see any positive reason to take an alternative stance. (You are welcome to try and challenge it!)

I am also very curious to hear about any "unshakable" beliegs or ideas you all might have, that you think is fairly unique to you. If anyone would like to share, feel free!

I hope this was interesting!

.