Bunny's burrow

They say don't meet your heroes. I'm starting to realize just how wrong 'they' are.

I guess I should recap where I've been before I share about last night.

Okay so I've started going to therapy and I love it, I'm in such a better place now, with my anxiety and all that. Ive been reading all my books, so nothing new. I've been just feeling the vibe.

I'm just going to take a moment just to like talk about my best friend. She's so strong, and kind, and just an amazing human being. I'm so freaking lucky and blessed to have her in my life, and like I honestly feel like for one of the first times in my life, she cares about me as much as I care about her, I don't know it's weird. I wouldn't be here without her.

I'm still gay as all heck so I mean that hasn't changed.

I've started finishing up school for the year! (Yayyy!) I have already finished 3 classes (Spanish, history, music) which leaves 4 so that's both nice and sad.

My gs troop sold 5,317 cookies this year!

Anddddddd on to last night!

I got to go to a concert. I was seeing leanna Firestone and new found glory. We didn't end up seeing new found glory but more about why in this paragraph. ( I don't want to jump around) so I got to wear this really fancy really nice dress my mom bought me. We went to chick fil a, and headed to the theater around 3 o'clock. We got there about 4 30, since we had to grab dog food and human food. The lady at chick fil a gave me extra BBQ cause which is awesome since it's my favorite! I went to order 'regular nuggets' and my brain wanted to say 'regular human nuggets' ( my mom ordered the grilled ones cause wheat allergy so I was poking fun at her) and I ordered '8 human nuggets' 😭😭 my mom opened up a little about her trauma on the way there which made me sad, because it's trauma that I went through with her and she just doesn't get it yk, but anyway I wasn't going to get upset. So we got to redbank, and we went to Starbucks to pee and refresh out look. My mom took a frick ton of pictures and we snuck out the back so we didn't have to buy anything. We did end up getting in line way to early, with the vips for the main band meet and greet, but we made friendly with a security guard, this is important later. We walked around for awhile and I saw this cool graffiti sticker. We sat and hung out then it was time for the show. By that point I was so excited I was shaking, I couldn't keep my water in my bottle steady. This was my first concert lol. After waiting for what seemed like forever, we got to go in. Our security guard friend said we could go in early with the vip people, just to give us a few extra minutes. We went and got merch and I got to meet the artists aunt. The artist is from Tennessee, which is where I'm from so it's super cool. Then we went into the hall! We had like the best tickets I could have asked for! We sat there for 20 minutes and I just was about to explode. When she walked on stage, I just I broke down, I cried through the entire first song, and during the second one, i tried not to and I started to like shut down So I had to cry. She said that //TW// in 2020 she almost unalived herself, and just like she's the reason I didn't, and it just idk it broke me. I got to hear an unreleased song! It's so beautiful! And I just she performed for an hour then guess what.

I got to meet Herrrrrrr!

We waited in line for about an hour and when I got to meet her she asked me my name and I told her and I told her she was amazing. She was honestly really honored we came 10 hours for the show. We took a picture together, which btw the signed!!!!!!! And she asked me my favorite song. Are you ready for the craziest part?

She hugged me. Like not a little tiny hug, like a legit bear hug, and I just wanted to fall apart. Like I owe this stranger everything and she took time to hug me. My mom also got a hug cause she started crying. On the way home I told my mom about my //TW// suicidal thoughts a bit, and she was like at first it was 'every teenage girl feels that' after I reeled because she called me a girl, I told her like honestly it's really bad, and she was like kinda understanding I guess. Anyway, that was my amazing nighttttttttty

I hugged my favorite singerrrrrr

@fluffysheep8

As I said in TCR, I'm sooo happy for you! I'm glad she made you so happy, you deserve it! Sending lots of luhv and huggle wuggles and cake for Jeffy.

Hey!!!

Well its Been awhile so let's see. Im going back to band in the fall which if you know me yk how much I miss it.

I finished school for the year. I would like to take a minute to talk about my grades and of you don't care, skip the rest of the paragraph. In 8th grade, last year and for the British people that's year 9, I didn't do too good. I was always a smart kid got straight as (besides gym) but 8th grade was my first year doing homeschool all by myself. It was my 3rd year homeschooling. I got about a C+ average in the 4 classes I took. I was so embarrassed. This year however I got all As except for 2 B+. I took 7 courses. I am so proud of myself, because I worked really hard. I had to take a test like a standardized test to see where I was at. I basically did really good and to sum up my scores I got an 13.5 on everything (12 catergories) except spelling where I got 13.2 basically that means I have the scores they would expect a college freshmen 5 month into the year to have. I am so proud of everything I've accomplished. I'm so ready for sophomore year.

I am currently on vacation in pigeon forge. It's me, my sister, my grandma my grandfather and today we were joined by my brother and his girlfriend. The house is nice, even though the drive up to the cabin was scary and the area wreaks of death. I share a room with my sister and we each have our own bunk bed. There is a huge TV in the basement where we are staying and rn we are watching hamilton! I'm going to do some writing since I've seen it abunch.

Yesterday we went mini golfing and it was fun!

On the drive here (1 hour and 45 minites) I read a 400 page book + 150 pages of another book! I haven't read much since then (about 100 pages) but I wanna read more!

Today I was really scared for my brother to join. For those of you that know, you know why. I don't wanna disclose all but basically he broke me. Around him, I am worthless. We dont live near him anymore, but this is the longest we've been together in 5 years, and 2 years ago we saw him for 4 days and by the end I just couldn't stop (TW) shing. He says things ans does things and its just not good.

He actually wants to spend time with me. He seems to care. Me, him, and his gf did an escape room and we solved it in 18 minutes. Out of 30. We were working on solving before the video explaining was even done, since we all knew what was goin on. After words my brother hugged me. He freaking gave me a bear hug and said we solved it so fast because we are all so smart.

He said all. Meaning me. He put me and him in the same category. I was beaming and thinking about it now, I wanna cry. This is the same guy who told me he wanted me to unalive. Like I can't believe it. And he let me have a voice and literally said we couldn't have done it without me, and the fact that I'm only 15 and was doing this with college students was amazing......

Then he said I was going to be an amazing surgeon. Like he validated me and told me I was going to do something good, something amazing. I *** can't rn, like I just *** can't. He has never been nice. Ever. He told me I was too stupid to be a surgeon. That I would never amount to anything, ever. He used to tell me I was going to end up a grocery bagger til I unalive. He told me that my intelligence is just insane for my age. Like God like I'm speechless

I will post more during vacation but I needed to say that

Tagging some friends and people who know about my journey

@fluffysheep8 @nebulacreation @iamspoons @glisteningembers @darkerplaces @amiablebunmy4016 @dragonpixal.

Oh also - @thecrew - Katie I saw the candy store that you recommended and my mom said we can go tomorrow and I can get taffy

My life sucks

Things aren't good

if you have questions, ask, but I'm not gonna disclose unless you really wanna know

I now use they/them/theirs or fae/faem/fayz as my pronouns :>

Or he/him or it/its if you must

Ello humans

i dunno if you sre reading this

maybe you no longer care

whichis cool

Iim struggling really bad

I'm not sure how much longer I can do this

and no more therapy for me!!!

Im *** alone

@Jefferythebunny319 nice

I'm done.

I'm just *** done.

If *** exists then you will know where to look

It all hurts way too much and I'm too tired of this and it's too heavy. Too heavy of a burden. Maybe I'll get some. sleep. Some rest. Maybe my foot pain will dissappear.

And just so you know, I love you.