Confession
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I sometimes resent my family for keeping me alive.
You have to do what is best for you
My depression and anxiety is getting worse, in return Making me stressed in return making fibromyalgia more painful. Don't know what to do
@Birdwatching I'm also someone who deals with chronic pain. I know how hard it can be to carry on with pain but I know there is a strength in you that is amazingly wonderful. You will endure because you have already come so far. Don't give up, there is still hope 
@TrueArrow ty, guess I just need to hear it once in a while
@Birdwatching well quiet day mom is mad and not speaking, I think it's funny, they have been nice enough to let my husband use their van until he fixes his truck, well she wanted her van today. So I took my husband to work that way she has hers and I have mine. She didn't like that solution. She's been told to call and make an appointment to get tires and inspection on my uncles car she said no for my husband to take it to work with him and use his lunch break to do what's needed. He said no to her, she started screaming at him. He told her she's not doing that to him and he hung up. That's what she's been doing to me, telling me I owe her. I feel like what my dad said earlier, we are push button robots. I'm starting to break free from feeling that way, but how to make her see we are humans, how to make her see and hear us, to be accepted for something other than relieving what's in her racing mind.
@Birdwatching were back speaking on good terms, I'm very thankful, pain is setting in deeper on my left side using pressure bandages to help, I love the work I do, I'm going to be glad when weekend is here.
@Birdwatching
That's a complicated situation, both mental and physical. :/ I hope that your husband's been supporting you? I could make a bunch of suggestions, but I don't know what'd actually be helpful for you. :p At the very least I can say I understand the debilitating way depression and anxiety gets worse and all the stress associated with it, plus other things. I hope you're okay.
@guidingMusic thank you ,husband is very supportive, just don't know how to get off this merry go round, some days are worse than others, the only time I really relax is when he's home. Or when I'm on the road, it makes my parents mad when I turn my ringer off on my phone . Mornings till a certain time, evening's at a certain time, I give them 6 to 8 hours a day, minus most sundays I think it's fair. But mom thinks the day don't end till you drop.I don't know how to unstress her, to be able to unstress me.
@Birdwatching
6 to 8 hours a day almost every day of the week is I think more than fair. That's how long most people work in a week at an 8 hour job.
I think what you said last really ran true, about how you're trying to unstress her for you to be unstressed. But, there's only so much responsibility you can take for that? Because you're clearly already doing everything you can, and it's a lot less about you than it is about her.
I don't know how long this has been going on, but if it's a while, I don't think anybody could really do it forever on their own. Maybe you could look into other caretaking options for them too. Relatives? Senior centers? (I'm assuming that they're near that age.) Unless you believe that you have to do this for them, or that there aren't other options.
@guidingMusic they don't give me many options, mom still acts like she's in her 50s, and try to like she's still in her 50s, dad is more laid back, he only gets in an up roar when he gets something on his mind, and he don't let go. Ty for listening.
@guidingMusic you take care of yourself, you will be missed, but you come first, best wishes and hugs. I am strong and my eyes are opening.
Go through life following your heart with open eyes.
@Birdwatching
Thank you. And you do the same. :)
I lie all the time because I don't think people will understand the truth.
Eg. "I'm too sick to get up" instead of "I'm too dsyphoric to risk passing anything reflective." or, "my sibling died" instead of "i had to cut off contact with my sibling bc of their close friendship with my abuser" etc.
@cinnamoncocoa well all lie to cover things we don't think others will get. I lied that I had friends, and that helped people become more interEstes in me and then I got friends. To explain my absence from work for a few days, I said I was sick with the flu, when really I atempted suicide and was in the hospital for the repercussions to that event. When the depression drugs were giving me nausea, I said I must have ate something that didn't agree with me. When the depression drugs gave me that part of your body was out of your body or waves running through your body, I said I think I am coming down with a fever, I have chills and then feel hot. When I was dizzy because of the drugs, I told them, I must be thirsty or I think I need to eat. I made up stories about adventures I never had to make it sound like I did something on the weekend or evening because I wish I could do those things but wasn't able to, I had no energy or motivation. When I cut my wrist and got bandages on it, I just told them it was from an IV.
Depression and anxiety better today, feeling relaxed . Embracing the compliment my dad gave me yesterday. It is funny how people's words do effect ones mood, saying something nice to someone carries a lot of weight, as something negative. Especially when someone is sensitive to both.
I slept for 14+ hours and I don't feel guilty for it.
less pain but lots of swelling. I want so bad to sleep even more.
It is so difficult for me to be open with my feelings and opinions. I just never feel like I can fully explain myself because everything that has happened to me is too overwhelming and complex to explain to others. The fact that no one knows how you feel, because no one has experienced your life but you yourself; is very uncomforting and lonely.
But what IS comforting is that there are people willing to listen and willing to help, so there is still a light at the end of the tunnel. :)
I'm so scared that the person I like will end up having romantic feelings for me back. That's when it'll all go to shit.
@buggsby exact same fear of a previous co worker and he knows i love him.
I want to havepeople love me.
@reservedexcitment
You don't need someone to love you. All you have to do is love yourself. I always thought that if someone would just love me I would be happier. Then someone told me I shouldn't be looking for validation through others. I realized they are right and I'm happier loving myself than looking for others to love me.
@samd136 wow that's so true
@samd136 I'll have to think on that
@reservedexcitment
As long as you think about it!
I lie and tell people I feel good, and then have to sit there and smile as they say they expected no less from me and that I shouldn't change.
@BDRD
I do that all the time too. Hope everything gets better soon, have a nice week.
Sometimes I would like to use my illness as an excuse to say no to things, but that's not who I am
@Birdwatching I know exactly what you mean and to make matters worse people have no idea about it so they just feel like I'm a moody or rude person when in fact I can't control it
@FarahQ I know what you mean, the invisible illness, we look healthy so what's the problem, that's the one I get,