I'm trying to figure it out diary entries.

Shit post

Manic been for more than a week. I guess I could look back at the calender to see which activity in class we did where I was freaking manic cuz then I ca. Kinda like track it. Kinda like no point tho. I don't think it matters anymore.

Mon Nov. 1: mood: mania, random. zumba, bought what was that like membership. Wtf. Class was fine I was weird. I don't fucking get it.

Tue noo v. 2: mania. Wtf was I doing in class.

we'd nov 3: 1st day sick day, went home from school. Student said looks like panic attack. I agree. Left 1st period. mood: mania/psychosis separated into 2 twins personality.

THUR. NOV 4: 2nd day sick day mania/psychosis. Go shopping.

FRI. NOV 5: 3rd day sick day MOOD: 1st day sober from manic episode. Depressive mostly. Weird transition. Fuck. Got 1 thing planning done.

Sat. Nov 6: in addition-second day depressive. Vivid visuals and memories every fucking triggered how the fuck do I get to have flood of past memories every fucking random memory fucking triggered like th e fuck. I can't fucking balance that and fucking present. The fuck. MOOD: ANGRY, ANNOYED, PRETTY OKAY. comedy night. Survived it. Had dinner Mexican restaurant with people friends. Nice. But also fucking annoyed people still following me and in the fucking restaurant. I hate fucking people talking and convos like fucking I hate. So fucking mad, hit door, felt better. Calm down. Wait in parking lot. Calmer. Then hang out with E and J at theatre.

Sun. NOV. 7: In addition--hypodepressivelightsporadicmania, fcking judgmental voices/critique, can't do things I want to without being like fucking ppl around..some memories from past randomly back up. MOOD: ANNOYED, SOUR, MOSTLY ANGRY. ACTIVITY: WALK DARK MIES - NICE, LOOKING AROUND, REMEMBERING PLACES GOOD. LISTEN TO SCREAMO PLAYLIST HIGH BEATS TO MELLOW LYRICS GOOD. ANNOYED IN GENERAL - FUCKING MAKING SENSE. Probably need to go around walk a bit to make sense look at things familiarize stuff again. Annoyed that people are following me. Less so tonight during walk. Nice to be left alone and not have eyes on me. And words/convos too. Broke a glass cup, felt good. But have to be done with breaking stuff. I want people to leave me alone. I'm annoyed. Leave me alone. Stupid voices saying I have adhd, high functioning stupid AAAARGH I'm mad.

Mon. Nov. 8: MOOD: WHO da fuck knows. breakfast, activity walk mies, lunch, take mies to hayward, print 150 copies of Amy tan's story, distance/ non judgment discussion, clean up room, grade papers. Get used to being quieter. Familiarize with being de a d on the inside. While teaching.

Deeleeeeted

Ignore. Ignore. Done

ac3

A - in between journaling for presence/time for s3lf/buy stuff

C - write PowerPoint letter to friend/do something with Mies/3:00 make story copies for work

E - make something, cook/

Then check qotd and meaty lesson for work

Things I know.

I have a lesson plan for tomorrow.

I am feeling like I am a daughter. I am interested in watching squid games. I don't know who the fucking person I am. 😒 I am shy. I am talkative. I like to switch between activities like watching mv's and live T.Swift. I am trying to remember who I am cuz I feel kind of like. So

Random feeling. I hate being back to normal and transitioning to... It's a lot less "fast".

Thursday 1-day holiday.

Morning busy day

8-9am: get up, enjoy the day off for Veterans Day. Eat a breakbay. BRISK WALK WITH DOGGO. GIVE HIM BFAST

10:30

carpooling to drop off my pet

Carpool to Buy cake, frozen lobster@ grocery store

12pm Eat a lunch.

DO THE GRADING HERE AND LOOK FOR COMPLETING E CATEGORIES. FOR S'S WITH NO WORK, STATE MISSING AND GIVE IT A 50. FOR STUDENTS DO WORK 100. READ 1 WFFP TO UNDERSTAND STUDENTS WRITING LEVEL. AND REINFORCE NEXT SENTENCE GOALS 7-8 SENTENCES

7pm Eat a dinner. Dad's bday. Celebrating dad's day, thinking about 2 things on the news my opinions, do something kind for myself. And reading 30 nb's and assign points to M. I need to grade all that. So ge can take his 1 nb back from me in morning. He needs it for math. Score a.

I can only get 3 things done.

I feel nervous. I've been fucking living for work. Fuck. I will do things I like. Stop being so hard on myself. I just need to mark the times tomr.