Journal and perhaps Create something I can stick too

I also just read this short article titled 9 teeny-tiny ways you can make a major difference in the world. It included a listing picture that made me happy and inspired. I want my list of 9 teeny-tiny ways that make a difference in my world.

How am I feeling?

Good. I did really good. I completed 3 out of 5 of my planning list.

I am excited that I've deleted the small icons and documents on my interface. I've also purchased a USB for the files I need to keep. I'm waiting on Amazon's one day deliverly =)

On a tangent, I shaped a caterpillar clay necklace and it's baking in the oven. It needs to bake a bit over an hour.

I guess to continue this awesomenesss and call to action, I will forgoe television until night time (and sleep before midnight) by:

Option 1) Clean a section of my corner (I'd like to find my yearbook I lost ages ago in my closet)

Option 2) Read a chapter of the "Feeling Good" book. I was last on page 19.

Onward!!

I went on youtube and found how to do purse organization. I have very little, but I didn't like storing them flat on top of each other. I realized I can use my old hanger shoe store and put my purses and backpacks there instead.

I found some string and yarn in the section of the closet I was cleaning. They're in all pastel colors, so I hope I can do something with it tomorrow as a mini-project!

It's Day 2, and finally midnight! Time to go to sleep after a cleansing Plan List:

1) Walk dog in the AM and treat him with pets and attention.

2) Try some stretches, fifteen minute core and warm-up. Since, I like to do my core last and end up not doing it because I'm tired.

3) Practice rollerblading at the park. I'm trying to move further from home where it's scary, but necessary to grow!

4) Build my clarinet and try out the basic notes A-G. See if I can play a few of the old sheets.

5) Clean up another section of my room. And try labeling/writing a few paragraphs.

6) Eat curry and try cooking my family dinner? Maybe French Onion Soup??

Sleeping soon. And signing off.

xoxo Bear

I'll try 3) rollerblading and 5) cleaning a section of my room tomorrow. I had so much fun today, I've done a lot.

I saw 4 dogs on our walk. AND I also took my dog to 2 art stores and a McDonald's. I surely hope my dog isn't bored. When it's school time, he's at home for most of the day. I'm taking my chance to take him out so he has lots of smells to whiff and lots of people adoring him and petting his fur. =)

My reaction: Hell no! My life is not crappy. It's, I'm finally relaxing! >:)

Even when I'm feeling good. There's realy work that needs to be done. So I have healthy activities I can pull out from my tool belt for later.

I just like Grey's Anatomy, so these are the moving scenes in my Diary (:

Listing kind of space, feels: Stuck, tired, nervous.

Things I can do to reach out for support: Call my bf, text my college friend, be confident about my decision/process, and tackle it one by one.

Goal: check out the process to apply for my program. Due date is November (1). It's July (23). Oh, I counted 7 to 11, is 3 months. I have 3 months to do little by little. Starting today. Review and do a few more required forms, shadowing, etc.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'o' x.x

DO the thread before. Dates and print.

Fifth day, I've done a lot the past two days I wasn't writing in the diary. To go forward, I woke up at afternoon today.

1) Paint, and test out Amigurumi crochet. Stitch, learn a stitch to add to the three I know.

2) Laundry, Hang and Dry my clothes.

3) Room, Sectioning store and trash papers, things, stuff I don't want.

Reminder -Bump-

I have this page for me to mostly talk about quantifiable achievements and goals. But I've never put it in the same place as unquantifiable goals like goals for emotions pain, sadness, irritability, happyness. It's always separate and I like to keep it as such. I don't know. Right now the more I ramp up my thoughts on this, the more I KNOW, ppl say it's a feeling (I mask it as I feel instead of know) that I see people following me and reacting to my thoughts and monologue. Like when I was venting in the car because I needed to let it out. Because that feeling started to creep on that I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. In my mind I didn't get along with a lot of SO's cousins because they drink. It's my core black and white value that people who get drunk is getting too far off and doing dangerous things and dance inappropriately sexually. It violated my core values and made me angry and so it contributed to feeling like an outcast. But at the end of the trip, one of the guys who drunk asked me who I was, what I was doing. I don't know. I was surprised and it dawned on me that they are human too. And my SO explained to me drinking is like a hobby to let off stress and to chill down. I didn't see it that way until he explained it to me. So it's a lot like running or even drawing. It's just a hobby and I am beginning to understand that friends drinking alcohol does not distance themselves from being human. They still are. I understand some of it, but it will take me time to stop avoiding it and accept that friends who drink still have commonalities with me. What lies under that avoidance? Confused, Insecure, Helpless. I hope to find the opposite. trusting....peace

It takes a lot of energy to fight the core values and decisions and what feels right and what feels wrong. I am so so slowly breaking them. Instead of living a mind fog of idealistic, I want to discuss with my therapist to be present when I'm feeling AVOIDANCE and thus passively USING Avoidance THINKING that causes me to distance the thing happening when I'm seeing it.

WALK D WALK D WALK D WALK D WALK D

READ k

Forget these books. Life is out there. *hits a page* Not here. Go outside and experience it. - said a splotchy easy red professor

~And you can't hold back

Time's a changing. Yeahh yeahh~

hiding behind words. it's easy to be nicer online somehow.