Just a few thoughts
I had not slept for more than a day and I did not feel like I was about to. Therefore, I went for a 17 km walk to clear my head. It was freezing outside, yet I barely cared. I walked towards a frozen lake. The ice was thin and shining in the sunlight. At that point, a curious mind wanted to explore an idea. An idea, which could lead to a rather terrible solution for my problems. Drowning myself. I looked upon the lake and consciously knew I would not be able to go through with it. Never. Yet the mind explored the possibility. I sat there for a moment and thought about pros and cons. All the reasons seemed pointless, yet I continued to wonder. I got up, took a few steps on the ice, and got myself to a spot where it could have been knee-deep. The ice was rather thick; however, it was much thinner in the distance. I froze. I knew I would not take another step, yet I continued to push the idea to the point that it actually scared me. I took some steps back and sat on a frozen log. With my feet on the ice, I looked in the distance for a while. It was an empty stare. Then I got up and walked away.
I do not think I am suicidal. However, these thoughts creep up on me from time to time. Random thoughts.
Same here, it comes out of nowhere sometimes for me
"Suicidal thoughts are often a result of feeling like you can't cope when you're faced with what seems to be an overwhelming life situation." - Mayo Clinic
Here is a good forum from PsychCentral regarding suicidal thoughts that come from seemingly nowhere. The forum posters aren't suicidal either.
The last post by laikashuman stands out to me and I want to highlight it here.
"I was taught a neat little trick that helps sometimes. When a thought crosses my mind, I immediately acknowledge it, validate it, then replace it with a positive thought. Such as trying to quickly name 5 things that you're thankful for, or things that I'm looking at that strike me, or something similar to that. Sometimes I even try to think of several cute nicknames for my dog, and that gets me thinking about something else, and will push those clouds away for at least a little bit. "
Thanks for your advice! I will definitely try it. Especially, if my curiosity goes a little too far next time.
I can certainly relate to your thoughts AnchorFish, I've had similar ones, but like you I couldn't go through with it. But even thinking about it is kind of scary and shows how much we can hurt mentally.
Brian
@AnchorFish Click into your thread because we have similar username. 
I can relate to your thoughts too. I found myself thinking about death during the stressful period of my college semester. I was not suicidal and have absolutely no thoughts of killing myself, but I found myself thinking *I would be dead in a minute if I actually step out of this window..* Knowing that I had these thoughts scared me too.
