Letters to my dead mother;
Hey lovelies, you can call me Kayla. I thought that this would be a nice place to gather my thoughts, and write letters to my mom.
I lost my mom when I was 18, in June of 2014. She had a lot of health problems, and died shortly after I graduated high school. Not one day goes by where I don't miss her with every fiber of my being.
Feel free to write, comment, ask questions, anything. Nothing is off limits.
Dear Mom,
Tonight I had a talk with you in the car, which I
I too lost my mother. All of that was so sweet. I'm sorry for your loss. My mom committed suicide when o was thirteen after being harassed for years by my father and step mother. This isn't anything I would do to bring her back...I miss her a lot. 5 and a half years ago I pretended I was fine but now its all coming out and it hurts. If you need to talk, just message me. I'm more than happy to help you vent.
@Lonewolfashes96 - I wouldn't wish the loss of a parent on even my worst enemy; that stuff sticks with you, you know? I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. I'm proud of you for making it so far despite that. It means a lot that you're here, on this thread, on 7Cups. You're not alone in your loss, and we're all here to help.
////sends you the biggest hug in the world. <3
Hi @wittyCake73
Thank you for sharing this here. It's a beautiful piece and it's something that resonates with me due to the loss of my parents some years ago.
It's been a little over a year now for you but that short span of time doesn't fill that gap, does it? It's the hardest thing and not one that anyone can articulate to someone who hasn't suffered that loss.
You mentioned a bit in your letter that talk a bit about yourself in the three tenses of past, present, and future. I'm a bit of a believer that while they're not there in body, they certainly are there in spirit. I know that I feel that every day and I wonder if you do too. It's a feeling that has stayed with me over a number of years, I hope and trust that it will do so for you also.
You also mentioned some negative feelings about yourself. It's an irony in life that the things that we dislike about ourselves - the quirks of our nature - are the things that others find indellibly attractive. It's what makes us who we are and whether you accept my musings or not, it's those around you that see the true beauty in you.
Sending my best thoughts your way, okay?
Thank you for sharing this. I lost my father 5 years ago and your writings kind of remind me of him.. may your mother rest in peace <3
oh, and a hug! 
Dear Mom,
I had a fight with my fiance today, you know, the one you adored and regarded as your son at one point. You used to hate when we would fight. When he spit in my face that one night several years ago, I saw something snap in you, a primal instinct that just kicked in. It took months to convince you that he was worth it once more. As much as I hate to admit it, I think his mom feels the same way about me. I question my validity as a person. I feel like I
I have no words for such sincerity and such love poured into every one of your words, lovely @wittyCake73 ❤ All I want you to know is that you have risen so high in my admiration right now, not just because of what you've been through, not just because of what you do each day, but because of who you are as a person. Your spirit shines brighter than all the galaxies in the sky, queen of the world. Please never ever doubt how important your existence is, not just to me, but to the entirety of humanity as well.
I too have been through loss, perhaps not as hard as yours, and indeed it's one of the most painful things to ever experience. Sometimes I find myself wishing to turn back time, to smile once more, to say words I wish I said before. It can be agonising, yet at the same time, it builds up the strength of your character each day you persevere.
I know you mentioned that you can have tons of negative feelings towards yourself but just know that I have nothing but the best positive regards for you. It may not mean much, but I just want you to always remember that. You're so special.
The feeling of hurt doesn't always leave, but it does reduce, and we can have good days alongside the bad. Thank you, so so much, for sharing these with us and helping the community reflect. I adore you, angel ❤
@ZaraSmiles, you're such a beautiful princess, and you say the most beautiful things in the world. Your perspective has always mattered to me, and it always will. Know that above all, okay?
Dear Mom,
Today, the first newspaper published with me as the News Editor. I remember when I was in high school, and being seen as the news editor was degrading, it didn
Dear Mom,
Before you died, you didn
You write so beautifully @wittycake and my heart goes out to you in all you are going through. So glad that you had such a friend that stood by you. We all need friends like this,and to have a friend you are a friend too. And you know I think your Mom would understand that one day her lovely daughter would be sitting on her bed and crying into a computer. Life isn't easy and you miss her comfort and counsel. When we love we deeply care and want the best for another. And it would be nice to be loved back. But some find if difficult to let us in..maybe its the fear of being hurt. I think all we can do is to continue to love. It may work out or it may not. Whichever, we are the richer for having loved. Loving thoughts.. we care for you.
@wittyCake73 - Thank you for sharing a piece of your world with us. Although you are writing of your personal situation, you write with such heart and sincerity that your words resonate with so many who have experienced the loss of a parental figure in their own lives. - I hope you are doing. Take care yourself.
Dear mom,
It's been a long time since I've wrote to you, but that's okay; I know you would understand. The sunshine that I've mentioned is long gone, disappeared without a trace, really. But alas, I should have known that the most beautiful fires are the ones that burn brightest, and sadly, those are the ones that die the soonest. This ray of sunlight has brought many feelings into my life, some of which I can't even explain. He taught me how to love again, unconditionally, which was something I hadn't known in a long while. He taught me how to be loved, and how to feel like the most beautiful person in the entire world. And while I figured that such perfection wasn't permanent, or even exclusive, I had really, really hoped that somehow I'd manage to get lucky enough.
Sunshine, if you're reading this, I have things to say to you, okay? Please be patient with me. @DHawks
I know that I was not the only person, and I am okay with that. I am okay with everything that happened between us. I am okay that your heart was as big as the sun; I am merely thankful that you allowed me to get that close to your warmth, to your kindness and beauty. I am thankful for all of the nights you sat with me, giving me more love than I could ask for, being so sweet you'd give me toothaches. I am thankful for all of the beautiful messages, and am only sad because I did not save more of them. I am thankful for the songs, the letters, the mentions in your journal, how you talked about me to your sister, how you loved me. Yes. Love. I am thankful because I had an amazing three months with you by my side. While it hurt to find out the things I did, I want you to know that every single thing was worth it, and I'd do it a hundred times over. I am so sorry for whatever I did to make you give up on me, but if you're reading this, sunshine, I really, really still love you. I think about you daily when listening to Hozier and Taylor Swift, and I imagine those cheesy songs just being us. I imagine all of those places you've told me that you wanted to visit. I imagine us making it to the top of the Rockefeller building. I imagine you making it. @ZaraSmiles
And lastly, I am sorry. I am sorry that I could never be exactly what you needed, or even wanted. I'm so sorry that I wasn't the right size, though you told me that didn't matter anyways. I am so sorry that I've got that weird laugh and that dark sense of humor that must've driven you away. I'm sorry that some nights I went straight for the bottle before talking with you. I'm sorry I didn't take precautions and I'm sorry that I made so many mistakes. I never deserved your love. I was just lucky enough to have it. And that's my final apology; I'm sorry that I still love you. I am sorry that despite the time that's lapsed between us, that your name still aches as if it was freshly carved into my skin. I'm sorry that I still look at the pictures you drew for me, and listen to the recordings you sent me. I'm sorry that I still crave to hear the words "I love you," come from your lips once more.
I am not pathetic, and you knew that from the beginning; you always told me I was so strong, but I've never believed you. I don't know why this is tearing me apart so badly but do know that even if it takes a while, that you've got a large part of my heart and that doesn't ever go away.
I love you, Sunshine.
(Huh, a letter inside a letter. That's kinda meta).
Love always,
Kayla
