Polaris 2088: open to replies

I like to think that each generation is better and better at emotional regulation. I like to think that each older generation is/was worse and worse at emotional regulation. The latter judgement is problematic, I know.

Not liking Dorothy Ashby as much as I used to .

I will admit something vaguely related to my sense of religiousity; a reason for me fondness/fixation for harp music is b/c of the religious imagery of 'angels playing harps*' and the high-falutin prestige you would think would come with an instrument associated w/the divine--when a part of me knows I shouldn't think that anymore than ppl associate grandeur to violin and piano playing.

W/Dorothy Ashby and a harp being used for jazz** I feel somewhat underwhelmed by how the expectations of hearing a 'full range' of a harp weren't meet but maybe that just means I'm better off listening to harp solos done in a classical style..for now.

*in all fairness it's somewhat unlikely that was being referred to probably didn't resemble a modern hand harp as much as say another ancient Levant region instrument..maybe something closer to a zither :/ ?..

**even though sometimes I hear woodwind instruments a fair amount

____

Being a casual-ish/uncommited Pokemon fan at heart, now I think I'd be more comfortable with watching the various pre-'I choose you' Pokemon movies now*. Having grown up w/the Johto mythos which apparently didn't reach full circle until after 'Crystal' was released, I'd consider watching '4Ever: Celebi – Voice of the Forest' first'; the bafflement by the release of the pre-'I choose you!' alternate timeline movies after 'the third movie' (a VHS B-day gift, I remember) was the start of me becoming weary of the franchise and understanding it more as a merchandise tie-in.

In the days before understanding much intrapersonal improving realms of knowledge..when my pre-double digit autistic a-- would start blankly at walls in a room for possible hours on end when not watching TV..if 'bad repeats' of my previous lifestyle where I thing with the prevalence of the internet I could see such an outcome happening again w/'AMSR' videos and not really too many would be 'none the wiser' enough to vouch for it as being healthy for mental health instead of the mere 'waste of time' dismisal which I expect from certain annoying demographics of ppl/those who would short of death threats or sex possibilities care to empathize about such things.

Imaging the time I used a certain avatar and someone said 'you face is trash,bro' in the group chats.

Imagining of one of a Jersey shore style d--bag voice saying that and that aggravating use of words 'bro,brother' and 'buddy' being used more often ironically than nonironically.

__

One of the most 'pleasantly alien' experiences comes from being asked by a coworker who did not grow up if I like it here b/c it's a 'how does it feel like to wake up without ever having gone to sleep?' moment when you realize how you were not always choiceless.

I used to be a support centre tech support representative..

The latest iPhone update install. I got a msg for it around ~3:20 and noticed how it was still loading (4/5 of the way through) when I left ~5:10. Returned briefly at ~8:20(?) and bizarre how it still had that issue. I returned ~15 minutes ago and still 4/5 of the way through..

'_' the dread of thinking your getting closer to long awaited long term plans manifesting and something possibly derailing and expensive at risk of happening--I don't much like call support centres for past reminders, not so much b/c of possible stff saltiness.

'Factory restore'' on an iPhone 7--replacing lost info.

On one level I'm glad that the person who I meet at a mental hospital activity group has not msg-'d me back for meeting w/them. Nothing wrong w/them really but I hate socializing*.

*code:I'm *anxious* of it/dread judgement.

*That notion of when children turn 18+ or are in their early 20's 'successfully' leaving home/moving leaving parents to a 'happy retirement'/'liberted' is such malarky, and the sort of malarky I wish /hope/expect that Caucasian ppl are starting to dawn on as utterly erroneous and self-deceptive a notion to live by.

It critically neglects how more often than not once offspring reach the 18+ demographic the parents might be well underway if not already in the **deterioration, which is an utter wrench in the gears/elephant in the room to the continued myth of a mass acheivable and sustainable linear social clock and yet another unjustiable or at least less justiable expression of kyriarchic based bullying of those who are considered acceptable targets--the stereotyped late 20+ something 'basement dweller'.

Hence the notion of 'taking care of your own parents' after you turn 18+ as held by a substantial amount of the non-postindustrial world is not so far-fetched when put into that light although it doesn't change how understandably many in such a demographic 'and even white ppl' seek the dream of successfully/responsibly disengaging from parents *** to be 'liberated'..and not only b/c those same persons might be seeking to 'repeat' this cycle with their own attempts at family or relationships..=__= pretending that I can resist the temptation to emphasize trends in the age demographics for marriage or commitment happening later in life and not getting into the 'finer details' of say divorce or seperation rates.

*~"[white people] do you guys even have parents after you turn 18?" as inferiority complex fueled as his humour/YouTube persona is, I still remember that being said by Jasmeet Singh/JusReign before I grew weary/annoyed of him.

**physical and mental; what is psychological is biological and senescence is irresponsibily denied to be a part of it by an apparently still fair amount--without looking to much into say the 'commercialization/mass popularization' of non- or at least less clique-ish gym culture that didn't happen until (dated aerobics and fitness awareness programs come to mind) the 80's which would mean even though exposed to such media as children are entering their early 40's.

***Stuff like this makes me think that by this 'societal logic' of how implicative things are spoken of as if you entirely preferably with no or at best little help are supposed to unproblematically overcome any scarcity 'resource or finance based' it would usually be only accountants who are 'thriving'..market oversaturation/'competition' and underemployment trends say otherwise.. ._. s--t times like these make me glad for having typed out the Linda Holler quotes into a past journal.

A pt. made previously it that it severely s--ks that we are not uncommonly underserved in terms of 'the tangibles and transactionals' in the ordeal of moving out--you are 'doing a solid' when care to not be a d--k/bully in contributing to how acceptable it is to take for granted anyone who 'didn't make it' as pathetic.

Recently heard on the radio how if your 'net worth' is $93,000*, you are already in the '1%' range out of +7 billion counting.

*I am assuming that is in Canadian dollars.

You don't need hypergraphia to appreciate Derrida.