@imsorryitry
Please tell me you are okay!!! I'm worried about what you posted Friday!
Please check in!
@EnergySensitive
@EnergySensitive
im fine school just was cancelled 33 days now clean but i snapped my rubberband over and over till i bruised my wrist
@imsorryitry
Hey! How are you holding up?
@EnergySensitive
im fine rn i guess but my morning just started and on friday i burned my arm with a curling iron on purpose i held it there till my arm had like blisters on blisters so i just popped them all and eventually ripped off the blisters under it ... and it had like 2 layers of blisters but now its just like a bright green scab but ill be ok i guess ... i have a friend that burns herself so i thought ill try it it isnt as bad as cutting maybe so i tried it and i shouldnt say i loved how it made me feel but idk
@imsorryitry
I'm sorry you burned yourself, but I will not berate you, it happens. I was close also this past week. Start over, try again, you can do this!!!
Thank you for being honest! Please take care of yourself and keep in touch!
@EnergySensitive
i dont know kind of want to die
@imsorryitry
Ok. Take some deep breaths. Believe me, I've wanted to die nearly every day for as long as I can remember. But I have to think of the people in my life that it would tramatically effect. I know you don't care, but would you want your family to suffer every day of their lives. I would even be devistated and always question, what coukd I have done?? That daily wish to die is a hard feeling to ignore. The yearning is strong. The thought always there. I get it. Seriously, I get it all too well.
You are so young!! I believe in you and I don't even know you!! With your age, things could change!!! Don't let this illness take you over!! It's hard. I'm not preaching, just concerned. I should have faught harder at your age. Tell this horrible illness, that plays with our mind, and is invisible to everyone else, to F-OFF!!
Write to me when you have strong urges. Torture something else. A doll, I pillow, a dozen eggs, whatever you can do to get your feelings out!! And not out by self harm. Listen to this "old"" lady you don't know, please don't let it swallowed you!
I'm just concerned and worried and remember. I DONT KNOW YOU!, but I do care. It would hurt me if you checked out. Even if you feel no one else cares, I do, tremendously.
@EnergySensitive
thank you so much and your not old ... and yea i know you care alot and i love that you do but im honestly selfish sometimes im addicted to hurting myself in everyway because if im not hurting myself in one way its another so i choose burning or cutting not starving that much but i guess i love to see the actual scar and pain there
@imsorryitry
I wanted you to know that I think of you often. I worry about you. I was reading your posts and I am so sorry you struggle so much. I empathize and know the pain you speak of. I don't wish it on anyone.
Please try to eat! 150 calories a day is not substantial. Don't make yourself sicker, please. You have such a negative image of yourself, I do too, but it only intensifies every other emotion swirling in our heads. Take small steps. You are only consuming 13% of 2000 calories a day! Just TRY, to add some calories, please.
I just want to support and encourage you. I have very few supports but without them caring or checking in, I don't know where I would be. I'm not in a great place, but those check instead help. I've been asked to Pay it Forward and that's what I need to do. It helps me to feel better. So please, check in with me! If you would rather I leave you alone, I will respect that also. I'm not here to annoy you, or anger you, or bother you. I just want you to know that you are heard and someone cares about you 💓
Have a good Friday!!!
@EnergySensitive
hey im not ok i am getting in alot of trouble lately ive just been doing things i dont and shouldnt do like i dont know why like walking home and hiding in my room after school and no one knew except my sister my parents went looking for me then i finally called them when really i was there the whole time then the med i took ... i dont know why iam doing this
@imsorryitry
Hey! I saw your post you tagged me in. You are not any of those things. It's easy for me to say to you but not for myself. AND you said you are not helping anyone but you are helping me! First, you are helping me not to cut and second you are helping me do the only thing I've been asked to do, by my biggest supporter. To Pay It Forward!!!!
If I found you to be any of those things I would not have set up this "private" forum meant for you and I. Also if I found you to be any of those things I would not check on you, daily, by reading your posts. I worry about you and you shouldn't feel bad about that. I care!!!!! If someone worries about you they want you to reach out! When I don't hear from you I fear the worst!!! Then I ask myself what could I have done???
Hope, please, you are so young. Don't give up now!! Try, just try to fight it! I'm not saying it's easy but just try. Talk to me, anyone, don't hold it in. A therapist once told me to do the following 3 things daily. Look for beauty, gratitude, and kindness. It's not always easy but I try. Some days I just see it others I have to search for it. We may not always see it but we can try. Today, I see beauty in the weather, kindness for the listener that checked on me, and gratitude for my students. They may be little but they are there everyday!
I have 2 favors on top of our pact. One please look deep and tell me, no matter how little you think they may be, a beauty, kindness, and gratitude. And please do not shut me out!!! And if you do you feel you have shut me out you have to to tell me first!!! Do not just disappear!!!
Please Hope, please don't give up. Give it some time, for me. Help me pay it forward by being there for you. And Hope, if I didn't care, I would not have checked your page and written you a novel about how you are not alone and that I need you!!!!
You matter, whether you see it or not. Please take care of yourself! I care and you are not alone. Keep fighting! You're 16 with many chapters before you. And quite frankly, 16 sucks!!!! Finish high school, 18 could be the beginning of a new life. Highschool is hard, not the grades or classes but the social part, the finding yourself, and the fitting in. Who knows life could change drastically as you move into adulthood. People are nicer, usually, you have freedom, passions to pursue. The best part, you can cut ties with all those people that you have been in school with for years and have held you back. I'm not saying being an adult is easy or fun, but it's a fresh start.
Please think about everything I just said to you. I said it from my heart. You are worth it! Hopefully one day you will see it.
Please respond to this post. Even if you just want to tell me to F off!!! Please hang in there Hope!!! 💓
@EnergySensitive
im crying and my dad comes in like 20 minutes ugh ... im fine just suicidal ... im ok ill try ... i see my therapist tomorrow
@imsorryitry
Does your dad understand? I'm glad you see your therapist tomorrow. How often do you go? Do you/they include your father?
@EnergySensitive
no its individual and im in homebased so she comes and sees me and its twice a week unless she has court with her parents ... and i feel like shit tbh... i acted fine last night at home
@imsorryitry
I think I more meant is your father supportive and understanding? I'm glad you see our therapist today. Have you thought about maybe seeing them three times a week right now since you're not feeling great? Just a thought.
I will check in later. I'm running to an acupunture session.
@EnergySensitive
i cant see her 3 times a week im lucky i see her 2 times a week she has to go to peoples houses and schools she has 12 patients
@imsorryitry
Just curious, is she part of your insurance or a state provided social worker. Only asking cuz I've I've never been heard of therapists coming to houses. If I'm trying too much just tell me!
I wish I could help and support you more. When I was your age I was a mess and miserable in school. Teachers, guidance counselor, and the office were great! I had no support from my family. My mom said I was seeking attention. She would not give consent to see a professional. I'm glad you are getting help now.
When do you graduate? Try, try, like hell to get to the next phase in your life!
I have to quickly jump off but I will be back
@EnergySensitive
Sorry, busy night. Had to appointments then dinner with my mom for my deceased father's birthday.
Anyway, even if I can just be an ear please reach out. I may not be able to respond right away but I come on everyday to see how you are holding up. I may be a stranger, but I'm here. I lived it. And I want to help because I care! ❤
Hang in there. Look for beauty, gratitude and kindness!!
@EnergySensitive
yeah i relapsed
@imsorryitry
Hope, you can do this! Please tell me when you feel like that!! I know the urge comes fast but reach out to me! I'm going to come back on the site soon, I'm hoping to hear from you!!!! Please,!!!!!
@imsorryitry
Hey girl! How are you holding up?? Thinking about you!
@EnergySensitive
im fine i guess dont really like opening up to anyone anymore i just want to see if your fine
@EnergySensitive
I'm fine thank you. Sorry for the delay. Good job! 33 days!
@imsorryitry,
You are very welcome. I chose to be involved because I wanted to. I've been through it for so many years and I don't want you to do the same. I believe in you!
I'll be back later.
TAKE CARE!!!
ENERGY
