The writings of a uneasy soul in a uneasy universe
This is my third entry, and I usually just write about my day, but today I have been contemplating about a important thing in my life. My boyfriend and the hard decision I have laying in front of me. There is nothing wrong with him or the relationship , but I have just stopped feeling for him for a few weeks now. And it's hard because he imagines a future for us and I use to have been, but I have lost sight of it now. I know what I need to do, which is talk to him. At first I wanted to ignore the feeling, hoping that it was just a mood but it hasn't gone away. Now I can't ignore it, it's there and its valid. I have to talk to him about it no matter how much it scares me or makes me nervous. There is alot more running around in my head about this, but chow for now. ✨🌸🌸🌸🌸✨
This is my fourth diary entry, today's social exhaustion of work was overpowered by the session today with my listener. We took a hour and just talked, we walked from different topics and the feeling I feel afterwards is just peace. To unload so much mental baggage is euphoric. I can do this, I can become the person I want to be. Thats all for now ✨🌸🌸🌸🌸✨
@Nightlock225- so glad to hear you connected with a good listener. This is a safe place to reach out. Wishing you continued peace.
Fifth diary entry, today, was definitely a bit of a downer. I'm conflicted with the thought of breaking up with my boyfriend as it will just be better for the both of us in the long run. There is a side of me that is upset about it but I have just lost feelings in the relationship, there is nothing there for me anymore. He's a great guy, and the relationship helped show me alot of things, but it wasn't the right one for me. That's all I feel like writing about today. 🌸🌸🌸🌸
Sixth diary entry, I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday, all for the right reasons, but I'm still sad about it. I will miss certain parts of the relationship but other part I know I didn't like. Its just going to take me a bit to adjust again to being by myself. I have done it before, I can do it again. But for now, I'm ok with being sad for a bit and letting my emotions run their course. 🌸🌸🌸🌸
Seventh diary entry, it's been a few days since I have done this. I think a week. I haven't felt like talking for a bit, I have been going through alot emotionally. The breakup hasn't been a big factor in it, it went alright, we are friends still and it was really healthy. I have been thinking alot about my family life. I still talk to my ex boyfriend alot still and we have had a few late night talks, just about random subjects. One day it got on my dad. I think I might be in denial about a few aspects of our relationship. About how it possibly can be a abusive one. Mainly mentally, but when I was younger it has some physical abuse as well. It's probually what makes me so scared of him today. Trying to let myself accept that hasn't really worked yet, I know it happened, but I have pushed it down deep for so long that I don't know what to do with it anymore. I will probually write more on this. Bye for now 🌸🌸🌸🌸
Eighth diary entry: it's been two weeks since I have wrote on this, things have been if I'm honest rough but having some good moment in life. I have been dealing with my cutting urge once more, and vividly at moments. As well as insomnia, which keeps me up late. Good moments have happened though, I have my orchrestra concert in two days, and I'm getting a decent leading role in it as a first violin, leading the group. And I have gotten so many compliments the past few days. I got new makeup and I feel good about myself that I look good. Thats all for now ✨🌸🌸🌸🌸✨