What a mess
What a mess my thoughts and mind are. I’ve never been completely okay but after three years ago and never taking the time to properly
heal from the loss, what can I expect? I’ve done this to myself; it’s not anyone’s fault. Nobody made me have these problems. Nobody made me feel this conflict in my relationship and nobody forced me to become so serious after such a short time and now it hurts too much to even consider letting them go. Some moments it feels like I couldn’t possibly ever and others it feels like I’m doomed if I don’t. It seems I’m finding a new way to mourn his loss each year; I never really was one for dates but it seems now that the anniversary is coming up I’m reliving the days after his death but in a much more subtle way (thank God). The same depression, same longing for something. And now it seems I’ve manifested it into someone else
i can’t stop thinking about and I can’t tell if there’s any depth to it or not.
the only friends I have don’t know the half of what goes on in my thoughts or mind nor of my daily life at all. Sometimes I feel I’ve dragged a relationship on for over two years that should’ve not lasted but two months. Other times, I feel grateful that we have come this far. But it’s no secret (except to him) that I think about other things but can’t bear hurting anyone, him or myself.
@annela Thanks for sharing this with us.
Thanks for opening up about your feelings.
@annela
I know what it is like to not be able to share your true and deep thoughts with anyone... that you played along too long to really just share their feelings, because it will hurt someone.
I also know what it is like to let a relationship go on and on .......that really should have ended a while ago.
I feel wrong for not just ending or changing my situation but it seems so easy and less upsetting for anyone else involved. The longer i waited the harder it seems to get out of it....
@toughTiger6481 I know we have responded some on your thread post but thank you for responding to this. it feels comforting to know that if anything I am not alone. whether I make a change or not, if things change without me making a change, whatever happens, that I am not alone.
I can't stand upsetting someone. I hate that I let my anxieties and emotions get me here and this far in with someone. yet here I am thinking again and letting emotions want to whisk me away with someone else thinking that will be all perfect. knowing full well the chances are slim.
I feel wrong too for letting this happen for letting it get here to this point. it feels wrong even admitting it because I feel I shouldn't be feeling this way.
@heatlightning
I'm a big believer in communication. Sometimes, saying things that are painful is the only way to heal. And hearing things that are painful is better than being left in the dark. I would always prefer the people I care about tell me how they feel. Even if I won't like what I hear.
