in the wonders of my mind💗.

I got home late. 

for I’m pretty sure the third time ever.-

_{one was an hour after school detention ( I literally didn’t do anything- )}

_{second was when I actually had friends(ikr it’s wild-)and they made me stay after school until my full name got called in a microphone to go down to reception- where it pretty much got..a lot- but I didn’t care. It was just some random seniors and it didn’t matter}

_{and now I just. I’m lost.}

_{I told my only friend at the time (who’s now expelled for attempted murder and getting sum stuff to school but whatever-) that it was just all guys there and she wasn’t surprised.}

"what’re you in for?"

_{they thought it was funny that I was "in for" a full standard card.}

_{why’re they so scary tho-}

_{It was- peaceful. today.}

I came home late but no one cared. I used to come at 3:07 and my family would give me a whole lecture. that’s when I first tw sh’d but whatever. 

idk why I hate the idea sm tho. every time someone assumes I do I do anything I can to prove that I don’t. which- I don’t. :’). it doesn’t do anything. for me at least.

that hometime sound goes off at 3:05 for non bus students but teachers still choose to dismiss us late either way.

_{I just hid for a while. In the english girl’s bathroom- everyone skips there.} 

I left pe at 2:50 cos that’s when bus students leave but pe teachers never notice because- they don’t memorize who’s bus ofc like what- and there’re way too many of us to notice. 3sets in one lesson-

_{then I just. well first I went to my arabic class cos I forgot my water bottle and my teacher just threw it next to the garbage bin on the floor like really-}

_{there was a little girl in her class :’) I just said excuse me cos she was clearly distracted and I couldn’t find my water bottle- but she just kept looking at her ipad so I said nevermind-}

i accidentally said "she’s so cute" out loud because—

im not horrible right now. I mean. I’m- I’ve gotten in such a bad state where I just can’t :3 I lost my voice- idk how it happens- I can’t smile and my eyes are half open. I just have a dead look to me. 

I love doing things for people more than anyone. I shut down but I’m not the type of person to shut down and "stop being able to love" or care. 

I just try. and don’t say it’s enough I know it’s not. (you weren’t gonna say that you don’t care I’m just talkative I’m sorry-) 

(I’m sorry-)