in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
Tw
someone died in my school. it was a senior guy but I didnāt know him, I was hiding in a stall in break and there were two seniors that were talking about it. and the next day we had to stand for 5 minutes and stay completely silent for him, as a mark of respect and to honor the memory of him and to give everyone a moment to reflect on the loss
but yeah everyone was laughing or mockingĀ
also I lied I did know him :ā) but not like personally. I just saw him mostly if I came early that day heād be around hallways, I donāt know what he had I guess? but he couldnāt reallyā¦I mean I donāt know. he couldnāt talk and he just made a bunch of noises and sounds every morning sometimes it scared me because heād start running up to you and doing that but then heād just kind of laugh and would stand still for a while and continue what he was doing. he has this droopy smile and he needs someone with him everywhere but I donāt think he could actually understand what was happeningĀ
my brother was part of the people that would make fun of him, the guy had a brother in the school and his brother threatened my brother and his friends Ā
one time my brother came home (he stays longer) and said, exactly: "me and my friends just beat up this autistic guy in-" and I asked him who I know it sound casual but. :ā) I just wanted to know before reacting honestly even tho it is still bad Iām kind of used to it? I donāt know why he tells me anyway. and he just started mocking the sounds he makes. then he started complaining about their hoy and she was the teacher that sat with us in after school detention and also came in for inspection in english and she is kind of annoyingĀ
but if you actually think about it when teachers punish students they never actually try and do something in order to prevent it from happening again. and it is hard some kids are just impossible to deal with and they donāt care and donāt want to change but whatās a lunch detention on wednesday gonna do plus no one ever goes and somehow they never notice even I didnāt go to a lunchtime detention once and my pe teacher just completely forgot, I saw her write my name on her wrist I donāt know how you forget that.Ā
you could even hear people laughing from third floor and in my class ofcourse but they were genuinely trying so hard not to and covering their mouth and closing their eyes and everyone kept giving each other these looks and after 5 minutes past people started yelling at their friends because it was their fault they couldnāt help laughing. you could hear people coughing and stomping across hallways, itās been like this for a long time but basically whenever weāre meant to be quiet especially in assembly or if itās punishment in class or something like this one person fake coughs and everyone else starts fake coughing same with the stomping and itās so disrespectful but itās just been like that.Ā
I donāt know how he died. I donāt really like listening to what other people have been saying because really all of them just looked at him like he was some jokeĀ
I know I said Iād try and at least stay until my last day on cups but I canāt. I donāt know where the cups people went I mean of course theyāre busy but Iām impatient and I really canāt wait that long I went outside my apartment Iām so *** tired of everything I wish I could just yell at everyone for being such a *** friend (not any ofyou)Ā
im okay Iām strong but Iām not that strong I canāt keep going any longer and from a realistic point of view nothing will ever actually get better itās *** Iām just done
so here Iām gonna take some deep breaths. i still forget how big the world is. Iāll deactivate my account before Iām gone
thankyou for being my friends youāre all amazing sorry Iām probably one of those *** friends Iām not a great friend Iām actually sorry
I honestly fought way too hard to be on here again to just stare at the screen and say nothing
I wrote this thing it wasnāt too long just about whatās been happening but I ended up getting aggressive and stupid and I donāt want to rewrite or editĀ
but Iām living somewhere else for a while
I found a lighter, I know itās not allowed to mention if itās a method of sh but itās genuinely not. I think itās so beautiful idk
https://picallow.com/369041-2/?usp_success=2&post_id=369041&form_id=27
(tw for the link)
I lost it tho. they have so many lighters. like in every drawer, the one I had was the easiest tho
Iām not scared if anyone found it they canāt do anything itās just a lighter Ill say I thought it was a toy or somethingĀ
I also found a bunch of cigarettes. they were on the bed Iām sleeping on everywhere and I wasnāt sure if it was a cigarette but I found the pack and it was
itās my brothers birthday tomorrow and my birthdays in a week
before coming here I was at my aunts house for a couple of days and my brother called from her phone and he said he missed bullying me and that he has no one to bully :ā)