in the wonders of my mind💗.

_{friday. we’re 3 weeks in :’) my friend is really really sick and hasn’t been to school this whole week except monday and when she missed 1 day before this week her attendance dropped to 85% and her mom would never let her be absent if it wasn’t that serious either way but it is. I left for bus again. I’ve been taking off my lanyard the minute I’d leave my lead class because my lead teacher is the only one that actually cares about that, they made it a thing now where it’s part of your uniform and you could get a standards card if a teacher sees you not wearing yours but from your lanyard teachers can tell if you go home by bus or your own transport and I’ve been going when bus students were every day now.} 

_{um okay. enough not talking about the bad stuff.} 

_{so uh. my friend that’s absent she’s pretty much my only friend. I don’t actually have that many. everyone’s in friend groups and a lot of people don’t like me and I’ve been}

stop crying stop crying stop crying stop stiefqdnosdfbajkyedbj

why am I crying :’) 

I actually cant. 

I’ve been really lonely lately. and in that history class I started crying because in maths the class before someone threw a paper plane to my head and as stupid as it sounds it actually hurt like there’s no way that was paper, and then I turned around and it was someone I thought liked me (as a person we talked like once) and his friend and they were laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe they were laughing at me 

I’m gonna sit on the floor. 

yeah then his friend started making this face at me and doing this dance but yeah he was basically just being annoying 

and now that guy cause one of thems in my lead class keeps staring at me or talking about me he talks about me so much and now the other guys in the class probably don’t like me cause he’s friends with all the guys in the class and when he’s there they’re all staring at me so whatever anywho 

my friends made it really really clear and obvious that she doesn’t care about me at all and if she got a new friend she’d leave me because the only thing I’m good for is so that she doesn’t look like she doesn’t have any friends 

this took me a long time to write because I started crying halfway through but I’m gonna start going downstairs now

part 2 if I feel like it/j 

_{lol crisis resources}

I had to leave from the bus thing again today. I looked around and there were no cars but right when I started walking one just spawned behind me and it started beeping but I didn’t feel like running (not in a sewerslider way I was just tired) so I kept walking forward and I made it to the sidewalk as fast as I could which was pretty slow 

and then the car stopped in front of me for a while and I was like- oh wait- they’re waiting for me to pass- but I felt bad so I started walking down the sidewalk so they could think I’m going there and go and they did 

and then I had to go back when they were gone and I was so tired that I just took my bag off and started dragging it on the floor till I made it to my apartment my bags so heavy I take everything in my bag every day because I don’t trust myself not to forget something 

_{I was supposed to either give my french teacher my book with the thing we were supposed to do or send her the presentation so I could present it next lesson} 

_{and I did both just that morning right before french} 

_{but I still didn’t do any. she was collecting books but I just pretended to continue writing and then she continued with everyone else and she was supposed to come back and take mine but I already put it in my bag and I was trying to look as natural as possible} 

_{I have everything done it’s just. the pages before. she’s gonna write that she’s disappointed or something idk. I wanna rip the pages out and give her the book next lesson and pretend I forgot. I do everything I’m supposed to but what if she says I’m acceptable or something cause sometimes in the middle of class I might just shut off and skip a task to doodle (on another page) and I’m supposed to be better than that cause I was so good in year 7 and she still thinks I am and I keep disappointing her she doesn’t say that but I’m trying but every time I learn something i forget everything else and now I can’t explain how horrible I am at french and last year french was so bad I didn’t learn anything my teacher hated everyone idk I’m supposed to be better tho. idk.}

_{and moral ed presentation I think I managed to get out of? i was doing it with the absent person and I was just existing at the back of the class and if she asked me I’d explain that absent person has the presentation on her device and she’s not here. and my teacher read through the people that did it and got anyone that didn’t do it to send it to her and she’d go through them and make you present and obviously I didn’t send anything. and we got to the end of the class.} 

_{but at some point she was looking around and I- think? counting. and she definitely- definitely looked at me and wrote my name down so she probably knows I didn’t present} 

_{and now I have an english presentation and the teacher asked me who I was working with and I was obviously working alone but I asked if it was okay if when absent person comes back we work together so that she doesn’t have to come back to a presentation she needs to do alone and I don’t have to do it alone and I’d just finish it off and give her her lines so that it’s easier for her.} 

_{and now she wrote my name and her name as one of the groups so now I’m definitely presenting and I know she wouldn’t forget about it or let me not do it and she said it’s one of the days next week that we’re presenting} 

1. : a person who has a strong liking for and trust in another.

_{Imnotgonnadiealoneimnotgonnadiealoneimnotgonnadiealone}