in the wonders of my mindš.
hey there :D hm. last time I checked you didnāt look like meš§makes sense doesnāt itšsince there can only be one *me*āØone of a kind now arent Iš/sar. one out of 8118835999āØš·can you imagine :0 o right- you can- becoss youāre also one of a kindš sorrysorry haha :Pš¤im just messing around xDšalso itās 2am- but shush no snitchingš¤«Iāll sleep in a whilešwhen Iām feeling a bit more sane :>šš©·
wanted to have my own space.š for thoughts feelings vents or just anything on my mind.š
to whoever'sĀ coming acrossĀ :'3šplease dont lurk here.š©· I know anyone can have access to this forumĀ :')šbut please be respectfulš©·.(but honestly..I know someone will either way :Pš yāall get crazy nosy haha- itās alright.šnothing too interesting will be here anywayšif you would like to come in and be supportive itās completely okiešbut please donāt make it a regular or "normal" thing if that makes sense. just have a sort of limitšbecause Iād still like this to be just my space ^-^š)
guess who just lost someone else?? me!!! I just lost someone else!!! that listener that actually meant a lot to me and I wouldāve said we were friends after 2 days you know them? you remember them right. well I was in a horrible mood and apparently I sounded rude to them!! isnāt that crazy? kinda didnāt expect that. itās 11pm now but I feel like Iām on something I was so sleepy but now I feel like crying but I donāt want to cry. Iām actually so done. yeah I started crying.
I donāt think I can do thisĀ
my irl is on fire and Iām trying to focus on that but then cups has just been horrible for me and then they came and we got close and in the span of days this happens and Iām crying about another cups friend Iām crying about cups again Iām crying and itās almost midnight and I havenāt gotten much sleep at all and Iām on brain activity supplements everything feels weird donāt want to do this or be here because cups has helped before but everything thatās ever made me smile on here before is now gone or far or idk I just canāt I donāt know what to do anymore I want to get as numb as I possibly could so that nothing affects me as much anymore just like beforeĀ
I donāt want to be triggering so Iām gonna be on white text and no one has to read
my dad came around that time and I was fake sleeping until I actually did fall asleepĀ
but I still have it
Tw attempt, sewerslider ideation- details idk.Ā
I donāt think Iāve ever felt it like this before, I was just sitting here typing and the whole time while I was crying I kept thinking about it I genuinely felt myself sta.bbing myself and I could picture it and feel it and I wanted to do it and I didnāt even switch out of incognito I just put my device aside and got up and I couldnāt walk but I managed to get there. I wiped my face incase my dad came out Ā and saw me before I did get there, I opened the kitchen drawer and i started shaking worse and I fell to the floor and only when I thought I heard my dad it got to my skin but I never made it throughĀ
I forgot everything else I was gonna say tho
itās 6am here. todays the last day of term1a and then weāll be on a midterm break
its a week long
so 2 months in. crazy.Ā
Iām still really sick if I could I genuinely would go to schoolĀ
not that iād want to at all but just causeĀ
idk
if I was okay by today there wouldnāt be a reason for me not to go and as much as I hate school Iām not trying to skipĀ
the weathers so grey outside today. itās been really hot where I live all the time even after when it was supposed to start getting better but now itās pretty calm.Ā
Iām so tired. Iām gonna go back to sleep.
what about Iām so tired needs to be minimized.