in the wonders of my mind💗.

oh right btw there was smth wrong wuth that test for most people like there was a “question” that was nothing like just a picture no space to write or anything but it wouldn’t let you submit because you haven’t written anything on it

soo a teacher came in and they made a new QR code and that was the actual test now so the problem was fixed and the teacher was there but everyone started talking and cheating so like basically if you submitted you can see your results so the people that did they can scroll through the questions and each question there’s a lil green tick next to the right answer so everyone started doing that 

I got 30/30 :p the whole class did…

the teacher doesn’t care as long as you get 30/30

anyways.

I started crying in islamic today. it’s the first time this year I cry in a class at school

…

I was just thinking a lot abt something that happened and I knew it was coming but I was trying so hard not to cry and I started tearing up and I was trying not to like bro I was trying so hard not to cry

and then tears started rolling down my face and each time a tear would fall I’d wipe it off and I had a normal face the whole time or I tried to 

and the whole time I was trying so hard to stop crying and I was still crying

im in a group in the seating plan in the back of the class

i was trying to look around the whole time nd no one saw me

except for one guy. he was looking at me the whole time

and like at first when I was on the verge of tears he was already looking at me then when I actually started crying his face changed 

okay.

you don’t understand

you don’t understand because this guy he’s not even one of he’s just like the most popular guy like the highest level of popular you can be and he’s always been popular 

and he’s really really *reallyy* not a good person 

and usually if he’d see someone crying he’d probably yell and interrupt everyone like sirr there’s a girl cryingg and he’d make jokes abt ur mental health or smth idk 

but his face changed like he genuinely genuinely looked like he felt bad like his eyes and eyebrows and just his whole face like his face he got me feeling bad for making him feel bad but the whole time I was like looking at him and he was looking at me and i was kind of busy crying and hiding behind some people but he was just looking at me like… worried. 

I’m telling you I’m genuinely confused huh :’) 

and it’s not like oh see people do care or don’t judge a book by it’s cover or idek it’s just so shocking I’m just so confused

also I later found out I actually looked *d i s g u s t i n g* then like it’s not even a joke i looked horrible and how do you feel bad for someone that looks like me no offense i guess except it’s me like it doesn’t matter to me but it’s him how do you feel bad for someone like me like don’t you just look at me and think ew

ew.

also one of those like chubby class clowns with big hair and the dumb accent (it’s fake that’s why i call it dumb) yk them or maybe not anyways he was walking past me and then he was looking at me and he went “eeeEeEEEeeWwWWWWWW” then he saw a bug and screamed (idk how he produced that sound it was so high pitched..)but honestly it’s less offensive from him cause he’s just weird but anyways 

bro I’m I’m so *** up I’m so *** up :')

how can I stranger be the one telling me okay wait hold on I’m at 1% xD

that was deep…

also how’s it been almost 20 minutes I literally just got a charger did smth real quick and came on here ;-;

anyways I’m no longer at one percent!

im at..✨two✨! percent

😎

but right I was saying how can a stranger be the one telling me like I shouldn’t be doing this and to reconnect with allah and I’m a young girl and all of that *** that was such a deep convo like *** what’s wrong with me

anyways.

they also sent me a picture of their cat.

her names candy :3 she’s so cute 

if cats can’t make me feel better immediately then I must be like it must be really bad-

I already talked about how I have anemia right xD it’s supposed to be a short term issue but I went to my pcp nd I went to a hematologist(I was there for so long)

I still have anemia xD I got different supplements tho

also guess what xD my grandpa today he was in a bad mood and basically every person he talks to recently they’re like woah you have your grandkids going to *that* school and then they start talking about how bad and dangerous it is and all the incidents thatve been happening

so he was like really mad and he was telling my dad I’ll tell you what after this year (my brothers name) he’ll go to university and then you switch nadia’s school 

and he was talking about everything he’s heard 

he was really mad tho

really mad. 

and my dads like oh yeah for sure yk I was thinking about moving her to (his friends kids) school oh yeah cause like this can’t go on for any longer

…

can we talk about the fact that I’ve went so many days crying to my dad to switch schools

and it’s my dad

you need to understand the fact that my dad has no sympathy

so I’d never cry to him about anything

not to mention if I ask him to do something it’s not like he’ll do it like who are we talking about if I want something why would he do it 

im just his daughter 

I’m just his daughter getting bullied and sh’ing for the first time in class 🤷‍♀️

every time I talk to him about it he’s always like okay so if someone at work told me for example “you’re ugly” should I kil.l myself? like bro you know I’m not saying that it would always be when it’d get so horrible too like the killi.ng myself thing at that point 

(2 big paragraphs deleted right here xDD)

but basically life wasn’t very good.. it was valid. honestly writing that all up makes me realize how much I’ve been through like that one week when i was 11 ;-; but anywayss 

what was I even talking about 

oh right right right

why do I feel like someone’s watching me

my hearts beating so fast oh my god 

I just got up and ran to my brothers room and opened the door because like someone there that comforts me 

I’m being serious I could actually feel it

like you know when someone’s staring at you and you just feel it like youre kind of attracted to that direction and you already know they’re staring at you without having to look 

I swear I’ve been in maths before and this guy was staring at me so intensely and I just felt it without even having to look but I didn’t want to look yet because yk (idk) I’m scared of people 

but anyways I looked later and my friend noticed later too and that went on for 30 minutes like I was trying not to laugh because I can’t take anything seriously but he wasn’t moving like he wasn’t blinking he was in that exact position with that exact face for 30 minutes 

but yeah I ran to my brothers room and I was like (his nickname) I feel like someone’s watching me

and he was mocking me with his face ;-; you could tell. every time I say smth he makes that face he’s making fun of me 

and he’s like do you want to sit in my room (in a…how do I explain this. he said it in like a “oh no😨” making fun of me voice if that makes sense) 

and I’m like ..yeah 😭

he actually let me sit in his room :3 

but before he left the room he looked at the direction I felt the stare coming from and he like gasped and kind of jumped and i screamed and he’s been laughing for like 10 minutes now.

2am

7:13 I leave in like 10 minutes