A Boundless Path 💜
I will be writing about DBT and Buddhism and my mental health.
@SkillfullMeans
Welcome, and will look forward to reading it 💜🥰
@Amanda84 Hello! Is there a editing or delete feature on here? Thanks!
@SkillfullMeans
No, sadly there is not, when it is up, it is up!
@Amanda84 that's good actually no time spent.on indecisiveness! Thanks
Thanks @Amanda94!
Does anyone know if you can delete or edit posts? I can't find how to contact someone to ask.
I need to change that writing about Buddism to writing about Buddhism lite, dbt inspired mindfulness, or how Pema Chodrin along with Marsha Linehan changed my life. Or I have listened to a zillion Dharma Talks on tube.
I have not formally taken refuge,or committed to a teacher and sangha. I keep the precepts pretty easily, now that I am older!
I got into this by driving a guy to his temple. He gave me a Pema Chodrin book when I asked how I could start investigating. I have primarily stuck with her practices for the last 15 years with add add ons.
I am.not a Buddhist, I don't speak for Buddhism and no example of Buddhism. I am someone who has a good life because of some haphazardly applied Buddhist principles! I am so greatful for Pema and Marsha that got me on a beautiful path. My life was huge, huge mess before.
@SkillfullMeans
Wow, this is really detailed! I'm wondering how you use the numbers, since I could see a situation where maybe you're not going to use all ~20 of them every day.
I love that you've found things that work for you. (Skillful means is a really fitting username. 💜)
@QuietMagic yes the numbers are always a thing! My last skills coach brought up maybe I would want to go with smilies or something. I told her I have done numbers so long I'd stick with them. If i was setting the whole thing up again i might go with smilies or check marks. She thought maybe 🤔 i feel pressure like I am.grading myself I don't.
I usually use 1 to 5, trying 10. This number thing is so aribatry! I using them as a very rough effort of.the effort i put in. If I didn't do them .i put zero, no effort needed.
I use it so I can see if something is going on. If I start doing way less or if most the numbers go way down. I can investigate. Early warning system.
For me the whole thing is an incentive to practice. Some days I will intentional go through the list and do them. Turns out this led me to be the type of person I wanted to be. Makes my days nice and.pretty content. Who knew!
This was long. Hope I convince someone to try diary cards!
I haven't been doing anything technological in about twenty years, hardly use my phone. How do you create the banana guy? ✨
@SkillfullMeans
That sounds like a nice approach where you have the option of either:
1) letting those processes happen spontaneously and retroactively tracking them and noticing any changes or patterns (the early warning system), or
2) having a checklist you can use as a starting point for intentionally initiating things that you know from experience are going to feel good
And makes sense that if you've been doing it a certain way for such a long time (i.e. numbers, pen-and-paper) and it's worked, you'd stick with it.
[Oh, Nano Banana is an AI image generation tool that was released pretty recently; it's accessible through the "create images" tool in Google's Gemini.]
Do you find yourself gravitating to some skills more than others?
@QuietMagic thanks 
@SkillfullMeans please let me know if this is hard to read thanks
@SkillfullMeans
I wasn't able to read it, but I got AI to transcribe the image text for me. 😊 Will reply later!
***
QuietMagic,
It's way easier for me to write than type.
Your response was right on. Never would have thought of it that way. Cool to see how you get it right w/ people and we respond!
I've gone through different evolutions with what skills I am gravitating towards - mindfulness was first. I will be forever grateful I lived in an area where this was, mindfulness was seen as totally normal and positive, aspiritual. My therapist was so excited to teach his first round of DBT, so there was a lot of excitement around it. We spent a lot more time learning mindfulness than I have since. So that was first.
I have never really done distraction skills, I just have them in my life.
Emotion regulation - I did those for quite a while - they work - whether I like them or not!
Interpersonal - Not so much
Now it is "mindfulness from a spiritual perspective," "skillful means," "wise mind walking the middle path," "loving kindness." Been doing this for about a year. I read Merton's memoir and felt totally validated about my spiritual life. I could finally admit how much it guides my life, decisions, etc.
I was always contemplating and looking for mystical experiences, he even talks about emptiness and no self?
@QuietMagic that is so cool with Ai. It is amazing! Could I ask you transcribe this one more time? I wrote it then logged on
If it is a hassle don't do it. Please! If you can read this as is problem solved.
I will radically accept that if I type on this tiny phone it will get easier and I will get better.
Going to write a cope ahead plan this afternoon.
I still use all the skills
Hope things are going well for you today.
@SkillfullMeans
I trust you will only reply when you want to. My plan was to post my problems and skill use in this journal. Kinda like talking outIoud. Can't do them half way, this way. I appreciate comments too!
@SkillfullMeans
Sharing some steps so you can replicate on your end:
1) Have a Google account of some kind
2) Go to https://aistudio.google.com/ and log in with your account
3) Confirm that "Gemini 2.5 Pro" is selected as the model
4) Attach the photo you took of the handwritten writing
5) Type in the chat window a message like "Hi, could you transcribe the text from this image?" and submit
@QuietMagic I didn't see this. Thanks so much!🌟
@SkillfullMeans
Hi, just getting around to replying to this. 💜 Makes sense that if you're on a phone, writing by hand would be easier than typing.
My thoughts when reading all of this: it's really impressive how radically you've been able to transform things, and it feels like all of the different teachings and skills (DBT + Tibetan Buddhism) have fit like a glove. And it's been something where because it's worked so well, you've created routines, habits, and structures around that and it's been something that feels exciting and motivating. It's something that for you has broad, generalizable application. Not only has it taken you from where you were in the past to where you are now, but you're still expanding and deepening it and finding new areas of application (e.g. situation with sister/brother, situation with puppy). There's a coherent internal logic to the practice and the concepts, and they work as advertised. The teachings say to see things in X way and do Y action in response, and when you follow that framework, everything improves.
(Honestly, I've personally had a pretty rocky/complicated relationship with Buddhism. I'm happy to see the teachings working as intended for you though, and it makes perfect sense that you'd keep practicing and amplifying/extending that practice when it's been so effective!)
Trigger warning suicide and death. Ignore this if needed!
@QuietMagic you got it, with understanding where i am at! So many people are having that experience with Buddhism. Pema chodrin is what got me hooked. I am so thankful for that. She is not theory at all! I am adding in some other stuff now it is not intuitive. the times I have tried doing anything with other people like Soto zen it felt more crazy than me. The guy that gave me the book, was a.tibetian Buddhist and he shot and killed himself. Alot of mental illness, we are all looking for relief from our sufferings. That's why I learn from. Books,.mostly.
That's why I wrote that big disclaimer about I am.not Buddhist. Bu I am doing a.lot off Buddhist things!
If your comfortable.it would be interresting to hear your take on the Buddhist journey. Your really smart as alot of people are that are drawn to it. There can be alot of arguing too. And there is the no self issues for professionals. There is alot of controversy around it. I can't do rebirth or karma. Did not grow up in the culture to understand.
I hesitated to bring it up now but I need to process what is going on with that. It is good when spirtual stuff is in the open.
Anyway I am not a Buddhist I am a mystic! That is so funny. I fit the description marsha laid out. I got a drunk driving when I was 20 and got sent to AA. I loved the deep spirtuality of the Steps if you really live them. that was my first structured spirtual recovery thing. Like I think you were saying. I get on the treadmill and do what they advise. Works for me, better than the alternative. I must have formally worked the steps 20 times with different sponsors. Did that all day too. But the weed my true love kept getting me. Totally "worked" for my disorder. Till I smoked so much of it when it became legal, I was catapluted into delusional psychosis.
Six.months I was out of my mind. This had never happened before. I drove all over the country then my car got impounded I slept on the streets. Went to jail and psych wards. My family didn't know where I was. I was paranoid but 😊 but happy. That is why I have no desire to smoke weed anymore. I think that will happen to me again. Antipsychotics got me out of it in a.couple of days. Hasn't happened since. That was about three years ago. Yes I scare myself and I check in with a program!
I'll blame it on you that this was so long. It is neat to experience what I think this website is about, people feeling heard. Its revolutionary! we have all been victim to unskillful helping. Listeners are a great idea. I chatgp' Glen the owner and reread carl Roger's stuff. I am in the right place!
Thank you so much for being an excellant listerner, then people talk.
I am.afraid to see how.long this is!
@SkillfullMeans
Thanks for sharing all of this (and for validating my own experience of Buddhism not clicking perfectly). I'm sorry to hear about the guy that gave you the book. And that makes sense in terms of relying on books if the broader picture is (paraphrasing) "some of the people feel like they have more mental health issues than I do".
The contrast between where you've been (i.e. psychosis, homelessness, jail, psych wards) and where you are now (i.e. meticulous implementation of all of these skills and practices) feels immense. I can imagine how going through that would scare you into continuing to check in with AA and being disciplined and methodical with your practice ("works for me, better than the alternative").
I love that you've read Carl Rogers' stuff. I felt like that was a life-altering experience for me and 15 years later it still feels like the central pillar of my own spirituality.
I might give a try at describing my relationship to Buddhism. If I do decide to, I'd do it in my own thread and tag you to avoid derailing what you're doing here. 😊 This kind of feels like your home, haha.
@QuietMagic
Thanks for the reply!
This I bet is why you are so good at hearing us
"I love that you've read Carl Rogers' stuff. I felt like that was a life-altering experience for me and 15 years later it still feels like the central pillar of my own spirituality." I feel it!
I am going to look closer at Carl Roger's, I think he went alot farther than person centered thearpy. This website is pretty amazing. It's goodworks in action!
I get writing in your own journal, but never worry about writing in mine. It's not derailing at all its the purpose. Look more deeply at stuff, investigate.
I know in dbt your supposed to go onto stage two where you deal with childhood stuff, dissociation, triggers. I have done this and it is minimal helpful. I did all the inner child, children of alcoholics but for me that didn't really click. I had my life worth living and I lost it.
I had gone to school later in life and got a.masters degree in social work. Before that I worked.in dv and homeless shelter, drug and alcohol treatment, disabilities, psych ward. A friend of the families, recommended me for this dream job working at the health department, with families with babies, home visits. I loved every minute of the eight years I did it, until I hit a burnout wall and went down really fast due to relationship destabilizing. It was really hard.
I moved to new mexico and built a.self sustainng house. I have never gotten back stable in work. On disability. So part of doing the dbt and.practices so much is that it is like giving me a.job to keep my mind healthy. I see it as mind training that you could never do enough of. I have gone minimal, making the house zen like, having a.small wardrobe, living the precepts. Doing the same thing day after day. I model it after a.monestrary type living. It has worked! Happiest I have ever been. Feel free, can deal with stuff. Content. I make enlightenment my finial goal that I will never achieve but it's enough to be on the path! I wanted to be a nun in my catholic upbringing. Now I kind of am.
Hope your day goes well, if you feel like talking on your thread or mine, love to hear what you are up to!
@SkillfullMeans
The feeling that I have when I read your posts is that they are so rich that it's almost overwhelming. There are twenty different threads that I could pull on that would lead to amazing discussion and I have to pick just two or three. 😊 It's a great problem to have, lol.
I didn't realize DBT branched out in that way with different stages! Kind of like the first goal is "get things stable" and then from there it's more of a depth thing of "let's see if we're able to take that foundation of safety/calm/daily functioning and the tools/techniques that have worked so far and extend them to more difficult stuff". Feels like that requires a lot of care and integrity if you're a therapist nudging someone toward that, like "this is probably going to hurt, and that hurts me too watching that happen and I care about you feeling safe. If it feels like too much, I'll respect that and we can pull back".
The intensity of those past experiences for you sounds incredibly strong. I've felt a kind of push-pull sometimes in the past when I'm chatting on this site with people with really significant traumatic experiences like "do I poke the bear and explore past stuff, or do we stay here". Kind of feels like a black hole sometimes, you can stare at it and there isn't any "digestion" or transformation of it. It's just a deep abyss of unsolvable suffering that hurts as much the 20th time you look at it as the 1st time.
Maybe it matters to be able to feel like "I was able to share that with someone and they saw me and cared and took it seriously, as opposed to it being a secret burden, and I feel lighter just knowing that someone else sees me and I'm not impossible to understand". But I could also see it being something that stays bleak/miserable.
It feels super-valid to be like "there's some stuff that I just can't handle, I know my limits, I don't want to end up back where I was, and I've created a structure that's able to contain everything and maintain stability. It's working for me--look at the results."
It's deeply impressive and an astonishing transformation, and there's a lot of positive meaning around it too. You've set up this disciplined framework that doesn't feel like discipline because it's intrinsically satisfying. You're entering into the experience (you used the word "mystic" before) and the concepts feel like they flow out of that. You're getting to return to your younger passion of living in a monastic environment. There's so much to admire.
With what you mentioned about your prior work, I wonder if you ever see yourself getting back into helping, or if that's something you're already doing?
@QuietMagic hello! I did not see this till today! If I don't respond in 24 hrs I haven't seen it. Would appreciate if you would flag it again as I really like reading your stuff. Certainly don't have to though!
"The feeling that I have when I read your posts is that they are so rich that it's almost overwhelming. There are twenty different threads that I could pull on that would lead to amazing discussion and I have to pick just two or three. 😊 It's a great problem to have, lol." That is so wonderful! That's how I felt when I ran across your thread. Talking about stilling and such!
I didn't realize DBT branched out in that way with different stages! Kind of like the first goal is "get things stable" and then from there it's more of a depth thing of "let's see if we're able to take that foundation of safety/calm/daily functioning and the tools/techniques that have worked so far and extend them to more difficult stuff". Yes exactly
Feels like that requires a lot of care and integrity if you're a therapist nudging someone toward that, like "this is probably going to hurt, and that hurts me too watching that happen and I care about you feeling safe. If it feels like too much, I'll respect that and we can pull back". Exactly that is the attitude and feeling from the really effective thearipists, you can feel them hurting to, it makes me want to try harder. True feeling of in it together.
I've also had some that you got the feeling that they could have cared less. They were a thousand miles away from any feeling about it. Makes me shut down.
This childhood trauma. I will investagate itmore and write. I did a ton of lookomg.at my childhood from 20 to 30. I jumped right in as i do. I think the trauma theory has come so far, looking back might be more useful now. I took it as mostly they were to blame. Maybe there is a developmental stage, where you need to do this to separate. Not sure. They were to blame for things for sure, mostly a constantly invaladating envioronment with my mom. Neither of us liked eaxh other much we brought out the worst in each other.
but now that life has gone by, i missed alot by not learning how to tolerate being around her. I spent all my energy getting away from her and thearpy and 12 step supported this. Maybe it couldnt have been different but i wish i could have been able to be with family without dysregulating so much. I could nt though. I took off by myself.
The intensity of those past experiences for you sounds incredibly strong. I've felt a kind of push-pull sometimes in the past when I'm chatting on this site with people with really significant traumatic experiences like "do I poke the bear and explore past stuff, or do we stay here". Kind of feels like a black hole sometimes, you can stare at it and there isn't any "digestion" or transformation of it. It's just a deep abyss of unsolvable suffering that hurts as much the 20th time you look at it as the 1st time.
Exactly there has not for me been healing by exploring it. This is where dbt, buddhism, and aa has helped. They take the attitude your are responsible for your side of the street, and this has really helped me. I feel empowered by this. Will think more on this.
Maybe it matters to be able to feel like "I was able to share that with someone and they saw me and cared and took it seriously, as opposed to it being a secret burden, and I feel lighter just knowing that someone else sees me and I'm not impossible to understand".
Yes early in the journey that's how it felt so valadating things made sense, the missing pieces came together. A Shared burden.
Looking back I didn't stay with one thearipist or psychiatrist. I was in public health or non profits so you pretty much needed to take what they offered. Ongoing thearpyy would probably been way different.
But I could also see it being something that stays bleak/miserable. I guess all the fight has gone out of me on that. I look at it now and sad for all of us. We all wanted different and didn't know how. I have been listening to this monk on a forgiveness retreat. All you do is say to yourself or someone else (in your head) is I am sorry you didn't understand. That about sums it up!
It feels super-valid to be like "there's some stuff that I just can't handle, I know my limits, I don't want to end up back where I was, and I've created a structure that's able to contain everything and maintain stability. It's working for me--look at the results."
It's deeply impressive and an astonishing transformation, and there's a lot of positive meaning around it too. You've set up this disciplined framework that doesn't feel like discipline because it's intrinsically satisfying. You're entering into the experience (you used the word "mystic" before) and the concepts feel like they flow out of that. You're getting to return to your younger passion of living in a monastic environment. There's so much to admire.
So awesome! Thank you so much for putting it in that light. I am intrigued with the word mystic right now because I just realized marsha used it!
With what you mentioned about your prior work, I wonder if you ever see yourself getting back into helping, or if that's something you're already doing?
Totally relevant question. As usual I probably, most likely, have a very different take on this than most people. I decided I was giving the job to myself. I was going to help, be with, the people in front of me that needed assistance. This was super easy to practice while traveling. Different things would be happening all the time, food pantries, free meals, salvation army, homeless, sick disabled.people. addicts and alcolics, severly mentally ill.people, like myself. I included myself if others wanted that. Led to a ton of different scenarios. I got to be with my people! Doing what I love to do. I could pick and choose no resumes, interviews or rules! I had 15 really great years of being paid to help, now I help.for.free! I get all the good chemicals, like we learned in kindness.class this week. I am dependent on kindness!
Sorry I didn't see this till now and what I posted this week confirms what you were saying. Happy listening.
@SkillfullMeans
"hello! I did not see this till today! If I don't
respond in 24 hrs I haven't seen it. Would appreciate if you would flag
it again as I really like reading your stuff. Certainly don't have to though!"
Gotcha! I thought there was a chance you didn't see it but wasn't 100% sure. I can definitely re-tag in the future if it seems like a reply might have fallen through the cracks.
"Exactly that is the attitude and feeling from the really
effective therapists, you can feel them hurting too, it makes me want to
try harder. True feeling of in it together. "
💜
"This childhood trauma. I will investigate it more and
write. I did a ton of looking at my childhood from 20 to 30. I jumped
right in as i do. I think the trauma theory has come so far, looking
back might be more useful now. I took it as mostly they were to blame.
Maybe there is a developmental stage, where you need to do this to
separate. Not sure. They were to blame for things for sure, mostly a
constantly invalidating environment with my mom. Neither of us liked
each other much we brought out the worst in each other. but
now that life has gone by, i missed a lot by not learning how to
tolerate being around her. I spent all my energy getting away from her
and therapy and 12 step supported this. Maybe it couldn't have been
different but i wish i could have been able to be with family without
dysregulating so much. I couldn't though. I took off by myself."
Makes sense. Maybe that exploration would feel different now, or maybe it wouldn't. 😊 That's relatable that dynamic of two people just triggering each other repeatedly and making each other unhappy/unhealthy. Maybe that separation was necessary like you said, just to have the chance to be your own person and discover what's possible and who you can be when you're not being invalidated or feeling like things are unsafe all the time.
"Looking
back I didn't stay with one therapist or psychiatrist. I was in public
health or non profits so you pretty much needed to take what they
offered. Ongoing therapy would probably been way different."
Oh, that must have been tricky having to start over from scratch with a new person every time.
"I guess all the fight has gone out of me on that. I look at it now
and sad for all of us. We all wanted different and didn't know how. I
have been listening to this monk on a forgiveness retreat. All you do is
say to yourself or someone else (in your head) is I am sorry you didn't
understand. That about sums it up!"
That makes sense... everyone was doing things the way that they knew how and nobody wanted to suffer, but it couldn't have really gone any differently based on the way everybody was at the time.
"Totally relevant question. As usual I probably,
most likely, have a very different take on this than most people. I
decided I was giving the job to myself. I was going to help, be with,
the people in front of me that needed assistance. This was super easy to
practice while traveling. Different things would be happening all the
time, food pantries, free meals, salvation army, homeless, sick
disabled.people. addicts and alcolics, severly mentally ill.people, like
myself. I included myself if others wanted that. Led to a ton of
different scenarios. I got to be with my people! Doing what I love to
do. I could pick and choose no resumes, interviews or rules! I had 15
really great years of being paid to help, now I help.for.free! I get all
the good chemicals, like we learned in kindness.class this week. I am
dependent on kindness!"
Ah I see, the different take being "I
decided I was giving the job to myself". Helping as a form of practice for yourself, getting the good chemicals, getting to love what you do, getting to connect with a really diverse set of people/circumstances, and having the freedom to choose what you want to do. It sounds amazing. 😊
@QuietMagic
I am realizing from being on 7 cups how special that time of travel was ✨
To be respectful of the listener mode, I will let you share whatever you want. I won't ask a bunch of intrusive questions! Please give me feedback whenever you want. I really appreciate it. I am almost done reading the 7 cups book, this is a unique culture as you said. I had no idea it was this radical! Thank you for helping me land here. 🌟 I was panicking earlier hope I didn't bother you with my referrals!
@SkillfullMeans This is where Buddhist ideas are super helpful to balance me. To Stay on a middle path, no extremes. Being mind and doing mind.
The ideas of letting go, and detachment. I just wrote "I hope I convince some one to do a diary card" . This is what is called a gaining idea in Buddism. Wanting something to happen or not happen, trying to manipulate things, having a pereference, liking.not liking.,.the 8 wordly winds
Instead of just doing the act for its own sake. Do the action and let go of the result. I am going to try and do this today. Type what I feel like typing and not worrying about the result, the affect on others. Within bounds of course!
I still care what others think but I am.not driven by it, I don't seek applause. I just do it and.move.on. detachment. I stay balanced what ever happens
Not easy but worth the effort.
I can get goal orientated with my diary card which is skillful. And I have learned to balance it with with radical acceptance when I can or remember to!
Peace upon us all 🦋 Cheryl Crow
@SkillfullMeans 
@SkillfullMeans
Sure, here you go!
Turning the mind toward
Radical Acceptance
I need to accept that the sod, that my sister, brother and I paid for is not looking well. It looks sickly. I am the one living in the family house and caring for things. I also need to accept my sister and her husband's potential reaction (not good). And that could affect me more than I want it to. Then I need to accept that I have been trying to keep yard and house in good order to make up for all the times I was not there for them. I need and want to accept that I need to grieve for losing my family for so many years. Need to accept that this mental illness I have, has affected everything in my life.
I am at a fork in the road and I choose to get on the path of acceptance. :) I've been willful in not accepting the yard looks bad, I have just not gone out there. Avoided it.
I need to remind myself there are many factors at play making lawn this way. Not just me.
With my sisters potential negative reaction to this, I am barely on the path to acceptance. Lots of anger, sadness, disappointment, & rage there. A lot of loss and fear. I need to do the same with my brother.
Not super willing to experience sensations that come up when I go into this. I will make a cope ahead plan for how I will deal w/ these sensations though. Hopefully it will take me more down the path toward willingness.
@QuietMagic
Thanks so much!
@SkillfullMeans
Cope Ahead for emotions that will come up when I move toward Radically Accepting.
I will use S.T.O.P if emotions are getting more intense than usual.
S I will stop, freeze, not move a muscle, I don't get carried away by the emotion. I stay in control.
T I take a step back and remind myself that I want to deal with emotions with dbt and Buddhist philosophies. I breathe and relax.
O. I observe what sensations are going on with me and the feeling. I thank sadness for coming to remind me that I value things. It makes sense to feel sad when you feel you missed out big time. Regret.
Proceed mindfully I will use mindfullness of emotions to let these emotions pass through. I will watch and feel the emotion of sadness like a wave. It goes up, it creasts, and then it comes back. Goes again..
I am going to try something new. I am going to add the feeling of loving kindness when I feel the emotions rising at the beginning.
I will see this in my mind over and over how I will cope. If the worst happens, I start to dissociate, I will be super nice to myself. I will watch TV, get something to eat, relax, be grateful and watch it go. I will be regulated again. Yay!
@SkillfullMeans
I have been lying down,.relaxing and breathing. going over my cope ahead plan. It is working really well.
I started with the frustration over the lawn. I would breathe the frustration in and feel it go, like a wave. I few rounds of this it started to seem funny. It is a lawn! It will not always be a lush green, sod lawn. It does look pitiful and.that really doesn't cause me alot of concern on my own.
My sister and her husband. I breathed in the fear, felt the tightness in my body, and breathed out. I thought they will probably be condescending about it. Kept breathing the fear. It started to go down on its own. I thought I don't really need to be concerned about my reaction to that. For years I have been reacting calmly to her. I don't get flashbacks of humilation anymore. I just feel kinda of sad about it and keep doing what I am doing in the present. So that is not really a worry. I accept she may be unkind and I can still be kind, with a sad heart, compassion for us all. It is OK.
The trying to keep the house up for my bro and sis. I couldnt really get any feeling but acceptance with this. This is really a good thing. I should be keeping the house well kept for all of us. I have been doing living amends with them for about ten years, took care of my dad before he died so they didn't have to, re.embered birthdays ect.
The big feelings I thought I would.have confronting the fact I have been mentally ill all my life, didn't come. Just a resignation, that is has been the reality. Slow breathing out and in. Calm.
So I feel like I took the acceptance path, became willing and got to radical acceptance!
I don't think I have those big over reactions anymore. I still fear them but they don't come. It's been years without a meltdown. Yes!
@SkillfullMeans
I am on a roll. More fulfilling then Netflix.
I want to be ready to use my diary if something comes up.
Value, goal, tasks.
Oxford languages, Mystic: A person who seeks by contemplation and self surrender to obtain unity with or absorption into the diety or the absolute. Or he who believes in spirtual apprehension of truths that are beyond the intellect."
I read Marsha Linehans, the creator of Dbt, memoir recently. I am so similar to her with the spiritual devotion. Since kids, all of our lives. Driving force.
She wrote about mystism in her skills training manual. When I read the seven factors, i thought that's what I have been a mystic! Who knew!
When i am starting a new part of my life i like to do values and goals to make decisions from. Mine are:
My values: spirtuality, being self directed, and integrity.
Spirtuality is my highest value.
My goal is lay the ground work to have mystical expereinces.
My tasks are: go deeper with my mindfulness
dbt to make sure a mentally fit
Read two pages of pema everyday
Dharma talk each night
One Buddhist home retreat each month.
Marsha doesn't advocate for any one religion. She wants people to do what makes their lives fulfilling . Me too 💜
"
@SkillfullMeans
Tonglen
When I am trying to get to a state of acceptance and peace with something. I often do Tonglen. It widens.my.perspective, helps me not feel alone, reminds me we humans all have the same basic set of.problems. I am not being singled out or picked on..Let's me feel part of the world.
I breathe in all the people that are in my situation and feel compassion and breathe out releif.
My daughter and her puppy continue to do something everyday that irritates me. I can't change it. So I breathe in all the people who are currently being bugged by other people, and I breathe out relief.
Chatg
Tonglen (སྟོང་ལྷན་) is a Tibetan Buddhist meditation practice whose name means “sending and taking.” It is often associated with the teachings of lojong (mind training), especially in the lineage of Atisha and later teachers like Geshe Chekawa and Pema Chödrön.
Core Idea
Tonglen reverses the usual habit of avoiding suffering and clinging to comfort. Instead, the practitioner breathes in suffering (one’s own or others’) and breathes out relief, kindness, and compassion. It trains the heart in compassion, empathy, and fearlessness.
Basic Steps
- Settle the Mind – Begin with a few moments of mindfulness, grounding in the breath.
- Connect with Compassion – Touch into your natural wish to relieve suffering.
- Breathing Practice:
- In-breath: Visualize or feel yourself drawing in pain, suffering, fear, or negativity (from yourself or others).
- Out-breath: Send out peace, healing, love, and relief.
- Start Small – Often teachers suggest beginning with your own pain, or someone you care about, then expanding to wider circles (neutral people, difficult people, all beings).
- Rest in Spaciousness – Allow moments of openness beyond effort or visualization.
Purpose
- Softens fear of suffering.
- Breaks down self-centeredness.
- Develops bodhicitta (the awakened heart-mind).
- Cultivates resilience, since it trains you to face rather than avoid pain.
Pema Chödrön describes it as “breathing in what is hard, breathing out relief”—a way of turning pain into fuel for compassion.
👉 Do you want me to walk you through a guided short Tonglen meditation you could try right now?
@SkillfullMeans
I am irritated with my daughter because of s9mething with her puppy, everyday. We live ❤️ together. So I do the following, for all people, for all the people are being bugged right now by their relatives. All the people who are currently irritated by puppies right now.
Tonglen (སྟོང་ལྷན་) is a Tibetan Buddhist meditation practice whose name means “sending and taking.” It is often associated with the teachings of lojong (mind training), especially in the lineage of Atisha and later teachers like Geshe Chekawa and Pema Chödrön.
Core Idea
Tonglen reverses the usual habit of avoiding suffering and clinging to comfort. Instead, the practitioner breathes in suffering (one’s own or others’) and breathes out relief, kindness, and compassion. It trains the heart in compassion, empathy, and fearlessness.
Basic Steps
- Settle the Mind – Begin with a few moments of mindfulness, grounding in the breath.
- Connect with Compassion – Touch into your natural wish to relieve suffering.
- Breathing Practice:
- In-breath: Visualize or feel yourself drawing in pain, suffering, fear, or negativity (from yourself or others).
- Out-breath: Send out peace, healing, love, and relief.
- Start Small – Often teachers suggest beginning with your own pain, or someone you care about, then expanding to wider circles (neutral people, difficult people, all beings).
- Rest in Spaciousness – Allow moments of openness beyond effort or visualization.
Purpose
- Softens fear of suffering.
- Breaks down self-centeredness.
- Develops bodhicitta (the awakened heart-mind).
- Cultivates resilience, since it trains you to face rather than avoid pain.
Pema Chödrön describes it as “breathing in what is hard, breathing out relief”—a way of turning pain into fuel for compassion.
👉 Do you want me to walk you through a guided short Tonglen meditation you could try right now?
