Emotionally drained❤️‍🩹

TW!!!!! Small talk about colt

Today was just simply exhausting it was fine until my wife and I went grocery shopping. The colt I got away from is massive they are everywhere and they pretty much all his behind some religion. We had made the horrorid discovering that the leader had bought one of the local stores, that alone set me off, then I found out more news about that evil sadistic man that set me off further. 😥 They know I remember what had happened because his minions are everywhere in my town. It's so scary it's not even funny, I just want to run away. Like the lyrics in Hotel California by Eagles "you can check out any time you like, But you can never leave!".

That's exactly how it feels no matter where I go they are around... Non-stop terror, looking over your shoulders, the ultimate paranoia of thinking where are they, always checking the review mirrors when driving.... When we went into the store you could just tell what was happening. When you are a survivor of a colt for so long sometimes you pick up on the tiniest observations, the things that others wouldn't pick up on.

Absolutely devastating 💔 my wife and I loved that store and we put ourselves in danger just by walking in, we accidentally paid into the colt since the leader had bought it.. for those who don't know my wife and I share very similar traumas and childhoods because we were brought up in very similar ways, they know is very well. 😣

I've been sitting with my emotions, face lighter than a star, sitting in my fear, the elephant is big in the room but it's very difficult for us to express without yelling at each other (that's our way of getting out unwanted emotions other than journaling, to us it can be healing)

But now isy time for me to list all the positive things that did happen so I'm not clinging onto the bad 🌱with all my emojis 💖

I woke up⏰

First thing I see is my wife's beautiful face 😍

I got out of bed 🛏️

I got to enjoy the cool crisp air and a sunrise 🌻 🌞

I'm in a somewhat loving home 🏡

I'm breathing 🩷

I soon will get my stamp food money 🙏🏼

My wife is making a yummy dinner, I just love her cooking 💝💖

I've had a black cat on my lap off and on 🐈‍⬛🖤 who reminds me of my late son 🥹 💜

I'm learning through my triggers still and that's good 😊

I get to spend time with my wife and bond with her 💞

I'm surrounded by love and gentle care ❣️

I know that I'm very safe and protected by the people who love me ❤️