Forgiveness
I dont know how to forgive myself and others. It might look like ive moved on sometimes but usually its just me burying the emotions and choosing to forget what happened than genuinely forgiving things. As a result of this, when im reminded of the things ive "forgiven", I feel the emotions I felt when it happened all over again.
It might be unhealthy but I dont want to bring up the issues that happened with other people again, I just want to let go of it from my mind.
As for forgiving myself, I beat myself up over everything, from little things that dont even matter to big mistakes. When im reminded of them again, I fall into this cycle of self hate.its exhausting and I want it to stop
@hhhhhh04 I'm so sorry you're struggling to find forgiveness within yourself and with others. 😞
May I ask-- what does forgiveness look like to you? What do you think it means?
If I may share-- I was always taught that to genuinely forgive someone means to conduct yourself in a way as if that person never did any wrong to you. It's releasing that pain and anger for you... not them.
You said, "It might be unhealthy but I dont want to bring up the issues that happened with other people again, I just want to let go of it from my mind."
This does not seem unhealthy to me. This here is exactly what I take forgiveness to be. Once you forgive for real, it's releasing it. It's not bringing it back up. It's not throwing the wrong doing in the face of the person who hurt you. What I've noticed in my own life is that if I keep talking about something someone did to wrong me, the unpleasant emotions resurface, and then fuel is added to the fire. It's a back and fourth cycle that doesn't end. I'm hurt and angry all over again because I really didn't release it. We have to show grace and forgiveness genuinely... not just say we do when we haven't.
There will be a day that comes where you will find healing and peace. A day where you can really let go of it. It's not pretending people didn't hurt it. It's not pretending you forgot about it or are uncovered. It's not you doing it for anyone other than you. You matter-- all your feelings and emotions. But please don't bottle things inside. That's not healthy in the long run. Truly try and forgive for you and you only. No one else. Hope you feel better. And I hope you learn to fall back in love with you! ❤️
PS: As for forgiveness within yourself. This is something that requires your willingness to try and do. You don't have to be perfect. We all make mistakes and do and say things we aren't proud of. But don't hold grudges on yourself or others. Don't let things fester inside and turn into hate, anger, resentment, or bitterness. Show yourself kindness. Forgive. And, most importantly, love...
Ive never actually sat and considered qhat forgiveness looks like, but to me its pretty similar to what you said about releasing the pain and anger. Forgiveness to me is letting go of all those emotions completely, and not experiencing them again when I remember what happened.
Other than small things thats happened i don't think ive genuinely forgiven anything; its just forgotten until something reminds me of it again. I guess I think not bringing up the issues again is unhealthy because when something happened we most likely didnt properly communicate, or they didnt understand my feelings or my perspective. In my head making them truly understand what I felt seemed like the only way to let go of all the feelings. Writing this im realising communication is the only way of problem solving and only path to forgiveness ive learnt.
I dont know what to do with all the anger and hurt from different situations and different people. Im tired of feeling them but I dont know how to let them go either.
Thank you for the kind words and for opening my eyes to some of the things I hadnt considered about forgiveness. 💚
@hhhhhh04 "In my head making them truly understand what I felt seemed like the only way to let go of all the feelings."
Ideally, this would be nice. But what I have found is that I can express and pour what's in my heart, but it doesn't mean that person will care or be receptive. If we feel we can only release these feelings only if the other person understands us and our feelings and reasoning... we'll, that's gotta be exhausting. Communication is so important, yes. So share your feelings, be honest with yourself and that person, and do forgiveness for you and your sanity. ❤️
I'm going to be over here rooting for you with high hopes that you will get to be in a better place that you can accept things as they are and release pains. Healing vibes all your way. Hugs!
Thank you so much for the kind words they are very appreciated. 💚💚
I had a misunderstanding with someone close to me today, and we both said a lot of things and threw each other's past mistakes in our faces. I dont know what compelled me to, but this time instead of just ignoring it and waiting till the feelings faded , I made the effort to talk and apologise and I think that helped really well. We both are just hot headed, not genuinely cruel to each other so I think the lack of communication was what lead to me not being able to let go of things.
This incident has really helped me understand some things about myself. Ive been unconsciously having a somehwat victim mentality I think, and always expecting the worst whenever an issue occurs. Knowing there are some things that I have the ability to change has helped, and im hoping will help in the future.
A lot of what you said has stuck with me, and I think it played a part in prompting me to address my feelings this time. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and give advice, its made a difference for me in such a short amount of time and I'll always appreciate it 💚
@hhhhhh04 Wow! Look at you! That's growth. 👏 You are soooo self aware and it amazes me! I'm so beyond proud of you and you should be so proud of you too! 👏 Way to go for doing something different. For recognizing that lashing out and bringing up this or that and throwing it in each other's face does not solve anything. To not wait until things blow over or sweep it under a rug... but rather talk about it openly... apologize, etc. Well that's great. This makes me happy for you! Great job. ❤️
