Music is my one reason to live

I listen to music more than I sleep. I listen to music whilst I sleep. I've sank hundreds into headphones, earphones, bluetooth and plug in. I'm constantly wearing a pair when i'm outside my room, then blast music when i'm in my room.

The only times i'm not listening to music is when i'm watching tv or on tik tok. I wear headphones on walks, to family dinners, when i'm out drinking (a stupid idea) , at work, all of the time. It's rare for me not to be wearing them and if i'm not, they'll be on me.

Sometimes it's just a pleasant buzz in my ears. I don't focus on the words but let the music soothe my nerves and calm my energy. I'm usually thinking about a hundred things and doing a hundred things, music just helps distract a part of my brain sometimes.

Other times, i'll lie in bed or on the floor and just listen to the music. Usually it's the heart wrenching type, the kinda of stuff you enjoy because it makes you feel less alone even though it's ripped your heart right out of your chest. Peaceful, meaningful and yet chaotic and painful. I sink into those moments, cherish them as they're apart of who I am.

Music is apart of who I am. I struggle with artist names, names of songs and albums but when the actual music is playing, i usually know it. I have playlists made by friends, ex's, strangers. I have playlists i've spent hours creating, playlists i've spent minutes creating.

My liked songs is practically a list of random song's i've heard and liked. I love to let playlists play into recommended songs, adding more and more to my ever growing collection.

I hate silence. I know that says a lot from a psychological viewpoint. I know why I hate silence but i'm grateful that music will always be able to fill it. Grateful that it can course through my mind on repeat.

Music is the thing that's kept me from falling off the edge. It's my tether to life, listening to these passion filled artists everyday helps. It helps ground me, helps distract me. It's the reasons i'm alive really.

I've been wondering that for a while, why? Why haven't I ended everything, why am I still choosing to fight my way through everyday. It's because music is a lifeline. I know what songs to seek out when things get too much. I have artists I'm following, eager to listen to their songs as they come out.

An odd reason to live, but a reason.