It's normal to overspill sometimes. I don't like being vulnerable either. I hope it worked to clear your head though.
Sometimes I retreat for a bit, return and think well, I was trying to help myself and that's a good thing :)
@ScrabbleBrain That's a positive way to view it ^-^ Sometimes it can be nice to get it out.
I seem to have this quirk where I pour my heart out and then regret it later. O_o
@BusyBird I can relate to that, bit overexposed and not sure if people will judge or react kindly.
I just share small bits and see. It takes courage to be vocal though :)
@ScrabbleBrain It sure does ^~^
Thank you (:
I go back and delete everything. Happens all the time
@independentNest5418 I might have to do that too. I couldn't find a delete button, but I heard you just have to flag your own posts. I'll try that next time.
Me too but I always remember that no one is ever gonna know who I am.
I love the fact that I’m just a stranger among a hundred other strangers.
I can rant and rave and complain and yet no one will ever be able to look me in the eyes and tell me ‘I know’.
It makes me feel a little lonely sometimes but I think the relief of being able to say all the things in my head is worth it
@Malecfan Me too! I mean, sometimes I crave the more "intimate" (for lack of a better word) interactions that come from being completely transparent about who I am, but anonymity is appealing for a reason.
And we can rant to as many people as we want this way I think lol
@BusyBird i relate to this if i can manage to share and then parts of me delete it which feels lonely. i hope u can feel more secure in the future about sharing and this doesnt stop u from sharing
@ConstellationSystem Awww. I hope so for you too! You're right. It gets very lonely. I keep telling myself it's about who you open up to (or where).
@BusyBird u deserve to feel heard without any “well but”s or whatever. Your feelings and your experiences matter. People sometimes say no one will care as much as you about ur hurt but I actually disagree I think we can all understand everyone matters a lot. I hope 7cups can be a place u feel free to speak and get acknowledged.
@ConstellationSystem Honestly, I can see where they get the idea from. It often does feel like people won't care, but I think it depends. Kind of like what you said. Some people really do care. It all just depends on various factors, like what the problem is, and how vocal you are, and how the problem is framed when they hear about it, and probably some other things. I might be overthinking a little.
Thank you 🩷 You also deserve to be heard and understood, and to be treated however you would like. I bet you you'll find some of that here as well. If you ever feel disrespected, please don't give up. There's more good than bad to experience and I don't want you to miss it. 🙂
Hm, actually I think your understanding of it was realistic. It’s hard though isn’t it. But I’ll always hold onto the fact that some people do truly care. The social climate is unwell! But I think this place is good. There’s different ways we can try to get help here.
I return the same to you!
@ConstellationSystem That's why I come here sometimes ^-^ I did take breaks a few times, but there is still some times when the people here seem to care.
I’m glad you feel cared about at least sometimes and taking breaks is probably a good thing to do. I know personally I have to cause being surrounded by my own pain sometimes gets gross, and sometimes as much as I care seeing everyone’s trauma for too long starts to affect me. It’s all about balance I guess! Something I’ve never been good at LOL
@ConstellationSystem LOL no I get it. I try to give as much attention as I expect to receive. It's just hard. When you barely have enough energy for yourself, especially.
It's really sometimes a lot, isn't it? I know I personally will squirm until I'm talking to someone (or something) when my mind is burdened. I don't know how, but my brain is trained to always look for somewhere to dump the heavy thoughts. Probably makes the feeling of being uncared for even stronger when no one wants to hold it all with me.
I understand your feeling. I give more than I should expect to receive and then I collapse and can’t/become bitter, honestly. It’s not healthy. You make a good point that it’s hard to give when internal resources are low. So from both sides, we can give an understanding about how much we get and give.
It’s honestly sometimes pretty painful though. Trying to learn to level it out. Boundaries and skills to self soothe. It’s tough.
I think having a place to dump your heavy thoughts is good. But of course it hurts if you do in a place built for supporting one another and no one acknowledges you. It’s very human to feel hurt by that. It’s also really understandable to want to do it where an actual human being will witness you, because pain feels so lonely.
@ConstellationSystem I can really relate to the bitter feeling. 🫂
Yeah, it does hurt. I wish I were much more helpful in that way. I mean that I could ease anyone's pain, even multiple people at once. I tried that. Didn't work out too well. I was in the 24/7 chat once and four people were talking about their feelings, but I was the only one responding to them all. I think I was too slow so some of them left.
And then, like now, I'm talking about myself a lot because I simply don't know what else to add or ask. I just hope you or anyone else feels comfortable talking about yourselves as well around me. It can be mutual.
Speaking of me, I think I have a deep and ancient sense of "I'm inherently not as important as the rest," and I'm willing to bet it has to do with whether or not opening up about things (like we are doing now) was okay as a child. 🤔
It’s not a pleasant feeling and causes me/parts of me to feel alone and not allowed to speak. On occasion it causes withdrawals from friends. Not good for them either.
I understand wishing you could reach into everyone and remove their pain. But I feel the best way to help is oftentimes healing yourself fist snd foremost and letting people witness that and learn or relate, becoming a healthier you amongst all the interconnections around you. That’s a way you can help hundreds of people you make contact with in your life without having to extend yourself beyond your own ‘allocated share.’
Your experience though… I’ve done that. In fact I did last night because sometimes it’s the only time I feel I am acceptable. If I erase myself. And be my understanding of ‘good.’ Maybe then I can feel any scrap of agreement if someone says a nice thing about me instead of violent rejection. Do you feel that? Maybe you do? People seem to have caused you to believe they mattered more than you and dismissed you. Or made you perform emotional labour as a child and perhaps later in life too? I could be completely off. But I’m sorry for whatever it is in your childhood that caused this painful catch22.
@ConstellationSystem I do that too! I hope they know it's nothing personal when we disappear. Well, snap... I used to say good morning and goodnight every day, and we would not hesitate to reply to each other. But now that I've stopped being so consistent, so have they.
You're probably right about being an inspiration. Beats never growing, and then partaking in the circle of people who can't seem to stand on two legs emotionally.
Although, I did admit to having depression once in a chat room. Since the other person at the time was claiming to be depressed, they asked me how I cured it. But I hadn't "cured" anything. I was just handling it better after a year of bedrotting. I probably should not have even told them anything, because I was unable to answer them properly. (Which they thought was funny for some reason... I almost gave up on 7Cups that day.)
I think I understand what you mean. Come to think of it, sometimes the best chats are the ones where both parties are sharing their side, and not just listening. I know I personally like it when someone is like, "Hey, me too!" So, I actually really appreciate your input here. I value it!
I do feel it. I think it was the worst when I was a child, but I believe some of the memories are gone, and all that is left is the feelings they caused. You know? And to a lesser degree perhaps these days as well. Though, it is worse for children. They are still learning things, still learning their worth and their place... Do you feel you went through something similar, if I may ask?
Yes, it’s not personal but I know it can feel personal. It’s just an unfortunate thing… sometimes we try to let them know we need to go for a bit. But really, sometimes not. It’s very sad when connections become loose or disappear. Hurts a lot. I wish it were as it once was when we were younger. Not as much trauma as now to block things off, world was much smaller.
I feel I am because I have been inspired by people like this. The solidarity of human suffering and not giving up anyway is sometimes the last thread but it’s as strong as steel.
:( I’m sorry that happened, you must have felt belittled and dismissed regardless of intentions or lack thereof. That really sucks to be vulnerable only to be glossed over like that and not taken seriously for something so devastating. Depression is terrible.
I relate to that feeling. I went to the same group chat and said I feel a certain irreversible action was how it was just going to be one day despite efforts. I was told “everyone dies it’s just how quick.” And that was it. It took a lot of effort to continue to try anyway. I think depression can cause significant apathy in people and sometimes people don’t have a pause before they speak and push that apathy outwards, maybe they feel hopeless. But I don’t think it’s ok. Words affect others as much as a knife wound.
It sounds like your depression is severe, I don’t doubt it’s extremely difficult.
Yes, I agree! A true back and forth is the best. :) I value your input too.
Yes, I have DID so I know what you mean by not having the memories but the echoes and how they affect you. It’s definitely worse for children as they have no way to regulate or cope, they need adults to stand in for that as they are taught. Oftentimes the adults are arrested emotionally and cause damage instead. In a way, while when we grow up we gain some resilience and some skill, that child is still here and needs us.
Yes, I went through some stuff that made communication and connection difficult for sure.
@ConstellationSystem Your way of speaking alone is inspiring. :)
I'm sorry. 😞 I think they were being very dismissive of you! I'm sorry they responded with such indifference. You deserve more than just a shrug from anyone. ):
I suppose you may have a point about the apathy. And I agree! It's not okay. I'll admit, I've become a bit apathetic in certain contexts myself, but at least I acknowledge it. From experience, I would think some apathy is caused by a bitterness that is yet to be confronted. What do you think?
I think it was severe for a time. I'm doing a little better now that the biggest cause of it is permanently gone, but there is a lot of healing left to do. Thank you for listening to me ramble about it, though. 🩷
I'm glad you understand, honestly. It's really painful, isn't it? Whenever you get a strong aversion to something, but you can't explain to people why. I had one of my posts here taken down once for a similar reason, you know.
Your point about parental arrested development is valid. I would bet that a lot of times this plays a role in parenting mistakes.
Though, sometimes the mistake is so questionable that I have to wonder if it was intentional or not. ;-;
@BusyBird hey, our response might not be very lengthy, lacking sleep. But we wanted to reply to you. Specially about the last part where you said some actions are just bad and yes you are totally right. Sometimes a parent does things that are irrevocably inexcusable and I actually don’t care at all what they went thru that caused it. Like abusing children intentionally. Specially certain ways. And sometimes it is intentional and they just don’t care about the person but only themselves. It’s gross. I just wanted to make sure I reassured you that whatever happened to you isn’t excuse able. Ok be safe
@ConstellationSystem Awww you didn't have to rush to tell me. Your sleep is important! Take care of yourself first. :)
But thank you for your kind words. You make many good points. I wish I was more certain of these things and did not have to rely so much on feelings. Especially since a lot of people won't take it as seriously if we can't back up our feelings with examples of things that happened.
You're sweet. I hope you take good care of yourself and have a good day!
Thankyou! You can know that when you talk to me, I do not need you to explain yourself for me to take your pain and feelings seriously. You can explain if you want to but you don’t have to. I know that when a person bleeds it is because there is a wound.
@ConstellationSystem That is a good phrase. "When a person bleeds it is because there is a wound." I like it. ^-^
And I hope you know I will try my best to treat you just the same. I believe a person like you is rare and wonderful. I never want you to feel alone, or like you give more than you get.
Yeah! It’s so true. :)
Awh.. that’s so nice. I think you’ll find though that there’s lots more people like that here than otherwise. At least that’s what I think. You’re one of them!
@ConstellationSystem Thank you ^-^ I really enjoyed talking to you!