One Line A Day
I know this will not go well. not perfect. not forever. maybe only today. even if so. lets just be it.
still thank you for inviting and the opportunity.
it has been awhile since revisiting 7cups. i wonder if it is because i paused again after a weeks' of bh therapy. i wondered again if i made the wrong move and "wasted" money again.
i wonder if this is just going to end up with another rant thread. still nevertheless, i am happy that i get to type if out here. at least. i hope it doesn't get wiped by moderators.
Anyways this will just be the entry for now.
PS : And yea, my used to "health problems" are still there. despite the weight "gain" now. and being complacent lazier?
@mikenaiwc
Welcome back.
Nice to meet you 😊 🩷
@Amanda84 hello amanda, and thank you for the warm hug.
realising i was "doing" the one-line a day journal wrongly. apparently there is a applet at the front page of 7cups. now i'm at a loss which i should use...
still for today's entry... my heads at a total loss.
i'm wondering if i should continue eating in my current style.
vegetables that used to serve. dont seem anymore and its bothering my entire lifestyle.
its not a magic weight "loss" food. (but then again. am i supposed to lose weight...)
Trigger Warning - Possibly ED related
I just dont understand why its pleasurable, and "un-anxiety" when eating.
Yet hurting, bloating, heavy and terrible poop during wee hours. disturbing sleep.
No matter how i tweak, watery, drier, pairing either carbs/protein/fat. it just doesnt help.
maybe i cant do what "works" anymore, and move on.
all the rules, breakfast, etc. only vegetables, must be green color, vegetables first only makes life miserable or worse.
its not sustainable, even cost wise... and trapped in a never ending trap.
plus its never approved by anyone else..
I wonder why, why the internet is such a weird place. sometimes peaceful, sometimes harmful, sometimes eventful, sometimes questionable. Or is the entire existence just a messed up place.
Or is it because i just happen to post things at the wrong place.
Or is it just so happened that I met the wrong people at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Or is it just fate and i have to face reality?
why my favorite food does not work for me anymore. why my used to "safe" or "diet" or "wish" for food does not work anymore. why do i have to suffer "poop" "bloat" "exercise" just to "earn" them, but then... end up having to suffer them all. while i watch others just eat their favorite food without any worry. why numbers, calories, weight just bothers me.
or am i "abusing" too much stuff in life? or taking things for granted?
wished i had answers.
Why life cant be just the same everyday? What's with the challenges each day throws at you. Why can't my playbook just work out well. Why everything just have to hurt. Numbers, Diet, Health, Lifestyle, Decisions, etc. Does tolerating makes you better or worse? or letting go a better option? or does it mean you are weak? Why does the internet looks at it differently.
what do you do when things that used to work dont work anymore... continue pushing... or wait... or let go and move on... i wonder why am i thinking and typing this way...
when is enough enough. when is it time to call it quits. am i living in oblivion or in reality? or am i asking for too much.
am i exhausted? or.. am i thinking too much?
or is it the mental thoughts that is just disturbing me.
or is it just another fateful eventful eventless day.
Is my mental thoughts giving up? Is everything just messed up or going to crash? Should I put everything down and, for once finally call perfection quits? Am I asking for permission to?
Why food dont feel correct anymore. Why am i always hungry. Depsite doing it "correctly". It just hurts.
More vegetables, more volume, more clean, more whatever... It just hurts. They are still calories to deal with...
i cant do this for life. i cant do this forever.
I hate anything. food. rules. diet. weight. calories. exercise. sleep. poop. mind. games. sleep. groceries. cook. prep. cold shower. rinse and repeat. pain. suffer. everything.
why everything anything just never goes as planned wished hoped expected. this is just so irritating...
what's the point for food. when it doesn't serve anymore.
low calorie high volume high calorie low volume favorite food vegetables carbs protein fibre fat sweet potato bread tofu cocoa powder all just goes against you... this hurts. numbers hurt. food hurt. exercise hurts. mind hurts. anything everything hurts. even typing.... hurts.
There's no point anymore. There's only this one life to live. What's the point of "correcting" anything, when nothing is ever right.
