One Line A Day
I know this will not go well. not perfect. not forever. maybe only today. even if so. lets just be it.
still thank you for inviting and the opportunity.
it has been awhile since revisiting 7cups. i wonder if it is because i paused again after a weeks' of bh therapy. i wondered again if i made the wrong move and "wasted" money again.
i wonder if this is just going to end up with another rant thread. still nevertheless, i am happy that i get to type if out here. at least. i hope it doesn't get wiped by moderators.
Anyways this will just be the entry for now.
PS : And yea, my used to "health problems" are still there. despite the weight "gain" now. and being complacent lazier?
@blumpsique
Apologies i can't see anything in the reply.
Nevertheless I appreciate that you clicked into my journal thread.
I don't know. maybe this aint working out. maybe this aint for me. I may not continue. see how things goes.
What should i do... really pay for therapy? I dont want to keep dragging dreading.
this is fatiguing. something needs fixing. something has to go.
I am completely messed up. what more should i even write. is it even worth typing.
forget it. lets stop before it gets compulsive journaling. sorry.
when my head is better... i'll reconsider.
sorry. i'm sorry.
it hurts. it really hurts.
@mikenaiwc hey please don't be sorry :). You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. If you want I will be here to listen to you
thank you cwu.
thank you for wanting to listen.
things are just getting heavier. draining. useless. worthless. pointless.
these mental physical health stuffs never bring any "light" to me other than making things worse.
therapy at bh. well.. I just restarted after a week stopage. thinking if it will be better. but judging how their support team is replying. I don't feel they take "our" health into consideration. maybe it's just me, thinking that they are... acting this way.
or maybe it's just isn't my day.
maybe... I should be caged back at the forsaken place again.
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't want to earn to deserve anything.
this sucks. this hurts.
thank you again for listening cwu
@mikenaiwc Thank you for sharing this with me, and please don't thank me, I'm here because I care. I can hear how incredibly heavy, exhausting, and painful everything feels for you right now, and it makes complete sense that you're feeling this way. You matter, and your pain matters. I'm right here with you, and you don't have to carry this all alone. Plz stay safe
rest assured. wherever I am, it's always safe. but environment I just don't like. likewise... how my mind thinks... I don't like it.
@mikenaiwc You mentioned being 'caged back at the forsaken place.' If it's not too heavy to talk about, would you like to tell me what that place means to you? You don't have to face those dark thoughts alone
hospital.
locked down facility.
bed-rest.
@mikenaiwc I’m sorry for what you’ve been going through, and I’m sorry I can’t really help you much. I know how painful OCD can be it makes both the body and mind suffer. Aside from numbers and endless anxiety, everything keeps repeating over and over in your mind, and you can’t think about anything else.
it is ok. I am honored to have someone to share my thoughts with. and willing to listen and understand without judgement nor issuing directives.
@mikenaiwc Of course, you’re already very tired, and I know you must feel helpless. If possible, please try to keep posting, okay? You’re doing great more brave than I am
thank you for being here.
but I rather stay safe than being vulnerable on the internet. I don't even know if it's being monitored.
@mikenaiwc I am sorry but It’s okay if you can’t keep posting consistently. If there’s any progress you want to share with us, please feel free to post it, okay
lets... stop. this isn't healthy journaling anymore.
for the sake of better mental health. i'll return when the time is right. or never if its better.
