Accepting Myself
I've always felt 'different' when it came to relationships. I had boyfriends and was married for a while, but I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone. At the time I didn't realise it and it only became an issue of confusion to me when partners pointed out that I never initiated sex. I guess it's always been in the back of my mind since then, and I've often wondered if there's something wrong with me.
Over the last few years, I've wondered if I was bisexual, and then more recently pansexual seemed appropriate, but still something didn't feel right. I've been feeling like a fraud, berating myself as if I was just trying to convince myself that I don't conform to the 'norm'.
In the last few weeks however, I found some info about asexuality and had an 'aha' moment! It's been on my mind a lot and I'm now ready to accept that's who I am, and that deep down I've probably always known it.
It feels good to realise there's nothing wrong with me, and that many other people feel the same. My biggest worries now are how to deal with other people if I choose to open up about myself, and fear of rejection from the LGBTQ+ community, as I've read various info saying the community is divided over whether asexuals belong. It's scary to think about being alone and unaccepted in this, so I'm hoping being part of the 7 Cups community will help. I just want to start living my best life, and feel confident knowing who I am from now on.
First of all, congratulations for finding out your true identity! Asexuality is totally valid and you can still have a happy romantic life, since it sounds like it's something you desire, being a bi(pan?)romantic asexual.
It may not always be easy dealing with it. Opening up with a potential partner can be a bit worrying, since not everyone has a great awareness of asexuality and/or is able to accept a partner's asexuality. But it's very important to tell them, maybe you can explain how you found it out and your history with sexul attraction and relationship before introducing the term and concept of asexuality. If they are willing to give it a try, you can try to find your own balance together. Dating someone of the LGBT community, or even better of the asexual subcommunity, can help you making sure the other person is aware of asexuality and generally accepting. Though you shouldn't put litims to your love, an asexual can date anyone and find happiness with anyone, it's all about openness, agreement and clarity.
It's sadly true that not everyone in the LGBT+ community support the A in LGBTQIAP. There are still many internal prejudices between identities. But awareness is spreading fast, and inclusion with it. The most open-minded part of the community is becoming more and more influential. I'm sure you'll find a place for you! As for 7 Cups, it is surely on the inclusive side, so you are more than welcome here!
@Aayla thank you so much for your advice and kind words. It has been difficult in the past, and I've never shared my feelings about this with anyone before, but now that I know that there's nothing wrong with me, I think I could become more comfortable doing that.
I like my own company and value time to myself, but I think dating someone in the community is definitely something I'd be open to when I'm ready.
So glad I found 7 Cups! :)
@Aayla hi I'm asexual and I went on this app called talklife and I thought that app supported asexuality, and I was telling everyone on there im asexual and wanted to get responses from other aces and people responded so rudely back to my post and nobody cared what I said.