Aegosexuality and some questions
I've just recently started to think about my lack of sexual attraction to other people. I have never enjoyed sex with another person, but I know I liked the attention I got out of it so I have had quite a few sexual encounters. I was raised in a very heteronormative household and community, so whenever I didn't like sex with one person my friends would tell me that that person just want the right one, and I'll feel differently with someone else. I have always considered myself someone with a high sex drive, and I do masturbate frequently. But I have never felt that same amount of arousal as soon as there is another person involved. I did some research and I think Aegosexuality seems to almost perfectly describe me.
My issue is that I don't mind people doing sexual things to me, but I have never wanted to do anything to anyone else. Up until now, I have only had cis-het male partners. I do reciprocate for the sake of my partners, and especially with my current (and first) girlfriend, but I have never wanted to or felt aroused by doing something sexual to someone else. Is there a term for this? Is this relatively normal for asexual people? Or everyone? Does anyone else feel this way?
Also, how have other asexual people coped with being asexual? I have always felt so jealous seeing other people's reactions to sexual pleasure, things I have never and will probably never experience. I want to feel those things, I want to be sexually attracted to other people, but I dont and Im not and I never have been. I dont know how to come to terms with how my body is when Ive seen all of my sexual partners experiencing so much more pleasure than I ever could.
@SalamiAndCheese
Based on what you have said, it sounds like you fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Asexual means that you have little to no sexual attraction regardless of gender. A common misconception is that asexual people don't masturbate. That is not true for everyone. While there are many asexuals who don't masturbate, there are still plenty who do. This does not make them any asexual then the ones who don't, they are just as valid. There is nothing wrong with asexual either. I know we live in a society where sex is basically worshipped, but there is still a place in the world for people like you. Here are some resources for learning about asexuality.
That being said, only you know what you are. It may take time and patience, but you will figure out your identity eventually. There is no rush to do, you have your whole life to figure this out. Feel free to change your labels as much as you want or just not use labels at all!
Hi there @SalamiAndCheese
I can relate a lot to your feelings and experiences. It's almost the exact same situation for me, except that I'm completely aromantic as well and thus don't actually date anyone.
I see myself as a sex-favorable ace. Or in more detail, an autochorris-/aegosexual as well as a cupiosexual.
Aegosexual means that you experience attraction in a theoretic sense. Meaning that you enjoy certain things in your head but feel put off or uninterested when you encounter such things in real life.
Cupiosexual means that you have a desire for a sexual relationship despite having no sexual attraction to anyone.
In my personal experience, this is often a really frustrating place to be in. I want to do and have certain things but reality won't let me truly enjoy them.
The best advice I can give you is:
1. Be honest with yourself. Denial won't do you any good. Asexuality isn't a choice, so finding comfort in your identity is always better than hating yourself for what you can't change.
2. Communicate with your partner(s). Tell them how you feel and what you don't feel. Being open about it will help you both figure out the best way to make your intimate experiences as plesurable as possible.
3. Find your community. There are many sex favorable asexuals out there. Many Aeogo- and Cupiosexuals. And so many asexuals that are in a romantic relationship that also involves sex. Find likeminded people, talk about your experiences together, find support in each other. It really does help.
Best of luck to you! 💜💜