I might be ace and aro, and my ex-partner still loves me
Ok, so this is a lot to explain.
I started a romantic relationship with my close friend Abby a little over a year ago. Things were going well for a while, but over time I started to realize I just don't have feelings as strongly as they do. I loved them, but I was never really romantic. They would constantly tell me how much I mean to them, that they love me more than anything, etc. And it was really sweet, but I just felt pressured by it. I forced myself to say the same sort of things back, but it didn't feel right.
I thought I just needed to get used to it, and I was just feeling that way because I hadn't been in a relationship before. Needless to say, I didn't get used to it, and the love I used to feel for them turned into discomfort and insecurity.
I broke up with them last month, and said I just wanted to take a break from the relationship because of my mental health issues, and that I needed to take more time to focus on myself. That was part of the reason, but not entirely. I wanted to take a step back and ask myself if this was right, and if this is what I want, and I've decided that it's not.
I know that I'm asexual, I told them that while we were still together and they were unhappy about it. But now I feel like I'm aromantic too because being romantic just isn't super appealing to me.
Abby is still in love with me and waiting for this "break" to be over. I don't think they'll be happy with me and I won't be happy with them, but I don't know how to tell them.
Thank you for sharing that with us. It can be tough to tell someone that you don't see you getting back together, but it also sounds that you not happy as well if you got back together. What do you think you can do to talk to them about how you feel?
@Asherwolfice
I've been waiting for the relationship to be brought up in conversation again, because Abby would vent to me about how they feel betrayed about me breaking up with them and things like that shortly after the breakup. But it hasn't come up in a while, and I don't wanna leave them waiting and hoping, or lead them on anymore, so maybe I should just tell them straightforward. I feel really bad about it though because they're going through a lot of difficult stuff in their life already and I don't wanna make things even harder for them.
@zoomzoom328
Hi Zoom, it's a tough conversation to have with them about it, but also sounds that you not happy with the relationship with each other as well. I hope this brings some clarity for you.
@Asherwolfice
Thank you for your replies. Talking about this has helped me think things through. I don't think I'm quite ready to tell them just yet, but I'm going to work on it.
@zoomzoom328
Sounds like a great start.