confused
hi! I'm Momo, 16, I've been identifying as biromantic Asexual for the last 2 years, but recently I'm starting to question this but honestly I'm unclear. For context, I usually remember things in a 5second loop, kind of like a gif, sometimes with sound sometimes not, and usually I can freeze frame the memory/creation thingy and zoom out of first person into 3rd. Anyways- a couple months ago I got this new one out of nowhere where someone I know (for shortening purposes I'll refer to him as B) chokes me against a wall and then I twist us around so my arms against his shoulders and he's on the wall. This wasn't too bad, and I am a standardly aggressive person so it wasn't too out of the ordinary either. But then a couple weeks ago I got one where I'm on top of him doing something to his neck, it's 3 seconds long so I don't know what I'm doing in it but I'm 97% sure whatever it is is giving him pleasure but also wtf- why is my brain doing this pleaaaaaseeeee, I want to be B's friend but now it's difficult to have face to face convos with him without seeing those "GIFs" and tis mortifying. Idk this has just never happened, with anyone, and idk how to feel about it ;-;
Hello @cactoOsjoOs
It sounds like you are questioning your sexuality again. No worries! It is normal to question it, even if you have been out to yourself for a long time. These "gifs" you are describing sound like intrusive thoughts. I could be wrong though. I suggest looking into this term if it is unfamiliar to you :) You can still be asexual and have these thoughts! If the thoughts make you uncomfortable, then they are more likely intrusive thoughts than sexual attraction. If the thoughts intrigue you or make you feel good, then they might be sexual attraction. Some asexual people have sexual thoughts like these but don't feel the need/aren't interested in acting on them. This does not make them any less asexual. I hope this helps <3 Let me know if you want me to send you some resources on the asexuality spectrum :)
ah okay, I've heard of intrusive thoughts but I'll do some research into them hehe, tbh I'm curious to see what would happen if I played out these scenarios irl but yea mostly is just uncomfy thinking about it. tysm for the help :)) <333